Friday, March 7, 2014

Identifying the Problem

I have had so many issues over the years.  On the other hand, I realize that the main issues is due to my mind.  It isn't necessarily a mindset thing, but it is mental.  I have obsessive compulsive disorder and bipolar disorder.  I have been having obsessions and compulsions over different issues and different people.  Most recently, the issues have been about my weight and Mickey Rourke or some other celebrity.  I have had these issues for many years and I have finally summed all of those issues into one.  I finally realized that the root of all of my issues have been medical or at least about having low self-esteem.  Rarely do I speak as well about myself as I should.  The problem is where do I take it from here.  I also have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which has caused a lot of weight gain, facial hair, and other issues that I rather not explain.  I am just writing about myself because I realize that I have this underlying issue that I must face if I am going to get better.  I have high blood pressure, diabetes, and high cholesterol, which I didn't have before despite being overweight for much of my life.  I did have underlying issues but never to that point.  I have been fearful, frustrated, guilt-ridden, and self-conscious for many years and now it took me a while to figure all that out. In short, I have had a light-bulb moment this morning as I was talking about it.  I feel so much better, more so than I have ever had before.  In fact, I feel so empowered tonight.
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