Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Dieting Quotes

When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen

Thou shouldst eat to live, not live to eat. ~Cicero, Rhetoricorum LV

I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge. ~Paula Poundstone

In the Middle Ages, they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips and chains. Nowadays, we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale. ~Stephen Phillips

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it. ~Roseanne Barr

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. ~Jean Kerr, "Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall," The Snake Has All the Lines, 1958

People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. ~Author Unknown

When friends tell you how awesome you look, drop the "I still have more to go" crap. You worked hard and you deserve the compliment! ~Jillian Michaels

The one way to get thin is to re-establish a purpose in life. ~Cyril Connolly, The Unquiet Grave

Albert Einstein, who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton, "You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers." ~Dave Barry, Dave Barry Turns 50

Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge. ~Don Kardong

Reality check: you can never, ever, use weight loss to solve problems that are not related to your weight. At your goal weight or not, you still have to live with yourself and deal with your problems. You will still have the same husband, the same job, the same kids, and the same life. Losing weight is not a cure for life. ~Phillip C. McGraw, The Ultimate Weight Solution: The 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom, 2003

If nature had intended our skeletons to be visible it would have put them on the outside of our bodies. ~Elmer Rice

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Today's macaroni and cheese recipe 4/28/15

1 cup milk
3 Tbsp. butter
1 egg yolk
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. black pepper
1 tbsp. paprika
1 tbsp.yellow mustard
8 oz. colby-jack  cheese
8 oz. mild cheddar cheese
16 oz. elbow macaroni

In a small bowl, mix together the milk and the egg yolk; set aside.  Also make sure the macaroni is prepared according to the package and then drained.  Add the macaroni back to a large pot.  Next add the spices and mustard and mix thoroughly.  For the cheese sauce, mix in most of the cheeses and the milk mixture making sure that mixture is well-incorporated.  Heat the cheese mixture in a medium or large sauce pan.  Once the cheese is melted, add to the macaroni.  Then pour the macaroni in a large greased pan.  Bake in a preheated oven at 375ยบ for 30-45 minutes or until cheese is fully melted and is golden brown.  Take out of the oven and let it set at room temperature for 20 minutes.  Then finally, serve.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Daytime Television

Right now, I am watching the Daytime Emmys.  I just hope it was better than it was the past two or three years.  They were really bad.  I hope that they will be an improvement.  Anyways, I hope that this one will be a good show.  So far, so good. I have been a fan of daytime television for a long time.  I was told that I have always been a fan of the game show.  This is so true.  I like the hosts, the games, and most of all, the ability to ask (in Jeopardy) or answer questions.  It gives me something to do and puts my obsessive compulsive mind at ease.  It keeps me and also my mind, busy.  Game shows are good for putting my mind at ease.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Never too late to start

Today was a good day as "Ice Cube" raps.  I loved those words and I still do.  Well, today was really a good day.  To me, a good day is a day where I can define freedom from worry, fear, and doubt.  The troubles and cares of this life didn't overtake me.  This is real good because I tend to overwhelm myself quite easily.  I have taken the past hour reflecting on this past night with other blogs.  I tend to put myself too low. Sometimes I wonder if I make too many lofty goals or if I don't make them lofty enough.  I realize that specific and realistic are the way to go.  When it comes to weight loss so is low and slow.  I have realized that even the best laid plans fail and the easiest plans falter sometimes.  That is how it usually is with me.  I start things off well, then I falter.  Okay, then I quit.  I realize that the black and white thinking that I have has not served me well.  I do wonder though if there are really shades of grey.  I realize that while I don't believe in moral shades of grey, I realize that that may be the case with weight loss.  I also realize that I tend to excuse myself when or rather, procrastinate when it comes to this area as well.  I believe that it stems to having low self-esteem and the issues that I have faced.  Now at my age, it is never too late to start conquering those issues.

Friday, April 24, 2015

Light bulb moments

Today was a day of having light bulb moments.  I asked for the Lord to use me for I am a blank canvas.  It is true that I am a blank slate but I still have issues.  I would like to go out more.  I would like to attend church more.  I would like to have a personal trainer.  I would like to accomplish or do all of those things.  What goals do I have in my life?  To tell You the truth, being isolated isn't always so bad.  However, I realize that going out more means no longer being isolated and finally coming out of my shell.  That is kind of a scary thing.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Sobering day

This is a positive reflection even on a sobering day.  I'd rather not talk about why it is sobering. I will forever miss the reasons why today has been quite sobering.  Today was a rather somber, quiet day.  Strangely enough, my head is quite clear today.  I have to realize that the most sobering moments are the most real moments.  That is what I have begun to understand today. Now that is sobering in itself.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Fear versus faith

I often find myself being fearful.  I am surprised that I don't fear my own shadow.  I am surprised about that. I have a knack for putting myself down.  I often refer to myself as a coward because I have so many fears and so much anxiety.  Fear is false evidence that appears real.  Faith, the opposite of fear, is the evidence of things that one cannot see, but the evidence that those things are real.  Wow.  This is the first time I finally realize that.  No matter the fearful have not been made perfected in love.  Fear has torment, but faith does not.  I realize that there is really no need to fear other people as in caring what other people think.  That has been a problem for me most of my life.  Now I realize that is a reality but it doesn't have to remain my reality. Standing up for myself and my beliefs may mean standing alone, but at least it means freedom from fear, respect, and self-love. Wow.  Why didn't I think that before?

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

A hope called motivation

Today thankfully has not been a lazy day.  I have learned that during even the laziest days, there is hope. To me that hope is called motivation.  I realize that trying to be and stay motivated can be hard.  However it is not impossible.  Just going out there and do what I desire and even supposed to do, can be hard, if not scary.  As an OCD sufferer, that can be scary.  What is scary is the uncertainty.  I tell myself that it doesn't matter, but the truth, it does.  At least in this specific case, it does matter.  This time it isn't about the thoughts, but about weighing the pros and the cons.  The pros in this specific case outweigh the cons which is continued doubt and remaining in a cycle that I don't wish to continue.  I wish that I began to write about this earlier, but I cannot change the past.  I can only begin right now.  I cannot wait until tomorrow.  Today is the day, since tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

Monday, April 20, 2015

Really? Is it really just one of those days, or not?

Today is just of those days.  Really, I don't know what to reflect about today.  However, every day, there is a lesson to be learned.  I am not sure what I need to do or how to occupy my time.  I have enjoyed spending even a few minutes out of the house.  I really do need to get out more.  I had a great time just setting up a television.  It does speak volumes but in a good way. I am appreciative of the opportunities I have been given and the days I have living.  Maybe today wasn't one of those days after all.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Use me, Lord, for I am a blank canvas.

Use me, Lord.  I'll follow You all the way.  I surrender myself and all to the Lord, today. My life has been filled with things that I wish were filled.  I had obsessive thoughts, compulsions, uncertainties, and a total lack in my life.  I wanted to do things that I was never able to do like going back to graduate school and other things.  Lord, make me a blank canvas.  I will follow You all the way.  My first goal so far is to get motivated, healthy, and lose weight.  I want to lose more than 100 pounds.  I guess that I have goals that I need to set.  I would like to set specific goals for myself.  I want to be able to do things that others take for granted.  I want, need, and desire to lose weight, but rather for my own reasons.  My one goal is to lose weight and feel better about myself.  Those are things I wish to accomplish, but for me.

 "Lead me Lord" by the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir

Saturday, April 18, 2015

How to drive out fear and other issues.

I believe that speaking the Word of God into our situation is of great help.  I have been dealing with illness for a number of years now.  I believe that there is a reason for illnesses and conditions.  I also have a number of things to deal with and I overwhelm easily.  I realize that life is just too short to be overwhelmed.  I had expressed my fears today concerning my health.  I have no idea what to do and how to deal with the fears and doubts that I have.  I have always heard the words, "step out in faith".  I guess that is what I need to do. After all, fear is supposed to mean False Evidence Appearing Real.

Friday, April 17, 2015

Making a change

What are my goals for my life?  What are my goals for my health?  What are my goals for all things, including my financial situation?  Those are the things that concern me.  I have been concerned about things for many years now.  Sometimes it seems like nothing has changed.  I would like to know what I have done.  I don't wish to admit some of those things, but I have a habit that maybe if I were to admit, then I would feel better. Maybe my problems would be solved.  It wasn't always meant to be.  Time for some action.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Videos of the Day 2

 "Estoy Enamorado" by Thalia con Pedro Capo

 "I Feel Love" by Donna Summer (RIP)

 "Heart of Glass" by Blondie

 "Hungry Like The Wolf" by Duran Duran

 "Electric Avenue" by Eddy Grant

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Videos of the day

 "Rosalinda" by Thalia

 "More than Anything" by Joann Rosario

 "Take me to the King" by Tamela Mann

 Pop songs of the 1990s (Mexico)

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Waking up to fearful thoughts

There were times when I wake up because of a thought that I have.  Maybe I should add it to another blog, but this is a reflection of what I go through during the day.  Sadly, I thought that I was free.  Freedom means no thoughts and that nothing bothers me.  I wonder what I have done to trigger these thoughts. Sometimes it was something on television.  Other times it was a movie.  I still have my fears and doubts.  However, I guess I have to just deal with it.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Reflecting on what has given me, though I don't know what it is yet.

I have no clue what I should be doing on this planet.  I have been reading through Matthew 25 and the interpretation of the Parable of the Talents.  What talents were God was referring to?  What talents do I have?  How do I serve God?  Much has been given to some.  So much more is required to them.  I wonder if I am truly ready for Jesus' return.  I wonder if I have used whatever talents were given to me, but as I mentioned earlier (somewhat) what are my talents?  I have hopefully lived a life trying to please the Lord. Often, I have missed the mark.  I am very concerned about what the Lord has me to do. It has been that way for years.  I have also wondered if I am ready.  Sometimes I wonder that I am not ready.  I believe that today, that is what God has been trying to tell me.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Reflections of today

I am here to reflect on today.  I have wondered as of late how to count it all joy during trials and tribulations. I seem like a very selfish person, because I have no idea how to do such.  Lately I have been reflecting on the past and the present.  I do wonder if the past has had an effect on the present.  I cannot change the past no matter how many minutes or how many weeks has been.  Paul mentioned something about pressing toward the mark and so I have to as well.  I was feeling somewhat under the weather.  Everything bored me. I took a nap and all was not well.  I was not sure why, but I wonder if my lack of reflection has to do with it. Well, there really isn't much to tell because my day was rather uneventful.  It seems to have been that way for a long time now.

Saturday, April 11, 2015

It starts today

I remember just a few days ago, I realized that I wanted the body that I had when I was a teenager.  I was thin as I could be.  Losing weight no longer seemed to be a struggle.  I wasn't fat.  My clothes fit well and I was proud of myself.  I had to lose 30 pounds.  Nowadays I have over 100 pounds to lose.  I am not sure how many believe that PCOS has the symptoms of obesity as well as facial hair and insulin resistance.  I was diagnosed as having PCOS in 2008 and now it seems that I will always have to deal with it.  This is a period in which weight loss would be of great benefit to me.  I don't wish to weight 50-60 pounds for another period.  The period that I am referring to is that I remained a certain weight for a period of time only to gain more weight.  Right now I am in the 300 pound period.

I am currently on Weight Watchers and there are times when I feel like I am wasting my money.  Weight loss is quite hard.  I tend to overwhelm easily so diet and exercise has been hard for me.  Applying what I have learned is even harder.  I have to cut back, eat in moderation, and learn to say no.  Those are things that I often fail to do.  There is no starting tomorrow. It is now starting today and now.  It is also past time that I consume a breakfast daily and follow a plan.  I also hate the word diet. Diet implies limits and the word temporary.  Lifetime commitment scares me but it is better than limits.  I do wish to be healthy and it starts with me.  I choose to eat healthy.  I choose to make exercise anything but a chore.  Now I do wonder if losing weight is really 70-80% healthy eating and 20-30% exercise.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Questioning Myself

Today is just one of those days.  I am no longer lazy but I am just bummed. I am not depressed just bummed out.  It is one of those little reflections that has me question myself.  Why do things seem to go wrong with me emotionally?  Is it really me or the rest of the world that is a mess?  Am I crazy or is it the rest of the world?  I don't feel like doing much and moreover, I am just tired.  I am tired of life as it is.  I have no real set goals and whatever set goals I have failed to accomplish.  Right now, I feel so unworthy because of my sins and that is a problem  Maybe that is a sign that God loves me.  Maybe I do need to humble myself.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Getting back on track

Yesterday was one of those days where I have been lazy.  I was demoralized because I feel like I have regressed instead of making progress.  I also feel like I need to give up and get off.  I joined Weight Watchers and I feel so alone in this.  I have been eating unhealthy food and thus I feel as if I need to get off of the bandwagon.  On the other hand, I feel great about the fact that I am "lucky" enough to not have the complications.  That is a wrong attitude to have.  I have been demoralized.  How do I get out of this funk and this mindset?

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Based on today

Lately, I have been posting videos and poem because well, I had nothing to reflect on.  Today, I have something to reflect on.  I told the truth to God and everyone who would listen.  I am glad to have done so.  I was afraid that things will suddenly worsen after being set free from the worst of the obsessive thoughts.  It feels or rather felt great being free after all of these years.  It doesn't however feel great today.  I have the fears that I had in the recent past.  I realize that though I no longer have the same thoughts, and that they don't come around, I realize that they could come any day now. That is what scares me.  I know that this should be in another blog, but today I had to find something to reflect on.  After all, this is about musings and reflections.

Monday, April 6, 2015

Some More 80s videos and an Easter Poem (late to the party)

 "Catch Me (I'm Falling)" by Pretty Poison

 "Point of No Return" by Nu Shooz

 "Rumors" by Timex Social Club

 "Why You Treat Me So Bad" by Club Nouveau

 "Saturday Love" by Cherelle ft. Alexander O'Neal

 "All Night Long" by Mary Jane Girls

 Doo Wa Ditty" by Zapp & Roger

Easter Joy
Jesus came to earth,
To show us how to live,
How to put others first,
How to love and how to give.

Then He set about His work,
That God sent Him to do;
He took our punishment on Himself;
He made us clean and new.

He could have saved Himself,
Calling angels from above,
But He chose to pay our price for sin;
He paid it out of love.

Our Lord died on Good Friday,
But the cross did not destroy
His resurrection on Easter morn
That fills our hearts with joy.

Now we know our earthly death,
Like His, is just a rest.
We'll be forever with Him
In heaven, where life is best.

So we live our lives for Jesus,
Think of Him in all we do.
Thank you Savior; Thank you Lord.
Help us love like you!

By Joanna Fuchs

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Great 80s Videos

 "Cool it Now" by New Edition

 "Candy Girl" by New Edition

 "Crush on You" by The Jets

 "Please Don't Go Girl" by New Kids on the Block

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Reflection on mood swings and being anxious (specifically)

I often feel down when things get hard.  It is easy to give up.  There are times when lately I wish to give up.  However, I realize that I don't know my own strength.  I am ever hopeful.  However, I wear my "heart" on my "sleeve".  I don't smile.  I am not happy.  I don't always show that I am confident that the bipolar and the obsessive thoughts and compulsions will end.  I wonder if there is something spiritual behind it.  While I believe there is a spiritual component, it is also mental and physical. I don't like to use that word, but it is not only complex, it is also complicated.  Sometimes, if not all of the time, things that are complicated are hard to explain.  Excuses and reasons are difficult to explain. I have accepted the fact that I am an obsessive compulsive disorder sufferer and yes, I am suffering who will never know why I have this issue.  I have never accepted and probably will never fully accept the suffering.  How do I count it all joy?  How do I really deal with this?  Is this the trial and tribulation that I should not be surprised by?  Those are the questions that I realize I wish that I could answer.