Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Reflections of 2013

To tell you the truth, 2013 has been a rather interesting year.  I have had my share of ups and downs.  I am sure we all had our share of ups and downs.  However, I am also sure that this past year has had plenty of both ups and downs for me.  I am reminded of all of the people who have lost ones, and those who are lost. I wish I could help everyone and give them a hug....so to speak.  From my obsession to my weight, I am glad that in a few hours, a new year reigns.  Hopefully I will learn more in 2014 than I had this past year.  On the other hand, I wouldn't trade my year for anything.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Health is important

I am feeling so much better now.  God has given me what I needed, not what I wanted.  I gave up on myself yesterday and that does me no good.  I am a diabetic and I have a desire not only to lose weight, but to also eat healthy.  A diabetic who eats unhealthy and not care is being foolish or in denial.  It is very straightforward and that is how I feel.  I am motivated to lose weight because I have motives.  I want to lose weight for my own reasons and I know that I can benefit from losing weight.  Giving God control is best for a spiritual path.  I do wonder, however, if being or eating healthy means taking care of God's temple?  I wonder if someone who is not taking care of themselves defiling our bodies spiritually.  Could it mean something else?  I am just wondering.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Taking stock continues

I have and am continuing to, take stock of my life.  There was a lot of unforgiveness and holding on to the past.  It was the root of my fear.  Things have changed over the years, and not always for the better.  That was the source of my problems.  I always felt like walking on eggshells because I hate confrontation.  Maybe I should love it more because pro-activity is what I need to do.

Friday, December 27, 2013

Taking stock

I realize that I need to take a long, hard look at my life. I know that I have written various posts and said various prayers, but I have come to realize that I have to take stock of my life or else I will be stuck or worse.

I have been on meds for a long time for a variety of conditions.  It has been rough because it can be frustrating, but they are necessary for me to function.  I am overweight and I am a diabetic who is diagnosed as having PCOS.  I admit that I have not been taking care of myself over the years.

I wonder if I could accept the fact that I have bipolar disorder, then why is it so hard to have to accept that I have OCD.  Having OCD is no joke.  I have dealt with it, but that is all I had to do.  My response has always been "I can't take it anymore".  How to let the thoughts pass or embrace that I have these thoughts is very hard.

As mentioned earlier, I am overweight.  I have gained a lot of weight back and now I wonder how much of a toll my weight has taken.  I want, need, and desire to lose weight.  The problem is, I have no clear set goals. I have a lot of issues to deal with.  I need to take a lot of time to take stock of my life.  I need, want, and desire to change.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

The day after Christmas

Today is the day after Christmas.  I had a pretty good Christmas yesterday.  I ate way too much food, but at least I received great gifts.  I do hate it when it has to end.  But today wasn't so bad however.

I was wondering if I will ever get to know any celebrity.  I would like to meet some but I cannot recall their names at the moment.  The truth is, I am not sure if I will like these people.  I am sure these are nice folks, but they are just that: folks.  I don't know the people that I will ever obsess or have an idealization about people.  Why am I writing this?  It has been a theme of mine for almost all year long.  I will never get to know any of these people realistically nor should I care.  They are just people after all.  In the grand scheme of things, it is all vanity.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Merry Christmas!

I love this story.

Christmas is About Christ, or is it?

This is truly my favorite time of the year!

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Pumpkin crumb pie with caramel sauce

Courtesy of kidscooking

Ingredients for pie filling
1 can pumpkin
1 large egg
3/4 cup white sugar
1 cup brown sugar
1 tsp. pure vanilla extract
2 Tbsp. ground cinnamon
1 tsp. nutmeg
1 1/2 tsp. pumpkin pie spice
1 Tbsp. flour
3/4 cup milk
1/3 cup melted butter or margarine

Ingredients for crumb topping
1 stick butter or margarine
1 1/2 cup self-rising flour
1 tsp. pure vanilla extract
1 cup brown sugar
2 Tbsp. ground cinnamon
1 tsp. nutmeg

Ingredients for caramel sauce
1 cup white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 tsp. pure vanilla extract
1/2 cup water
1 cup milk
1 stick butter

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.  In a large bowl mix all of the ingredients of the pie filling until it is well-incorporated and the batter is smooth.  Set aside.

To make the caramel sauce mix the white sugar and water over medium heat in a medium sized pot or pan. Stir often until the syrup turns brown.  Then add in the brown sugar, and the butter.  Stir until butter is melted and the brown sugar dissolves. Slowly pour in the milk for the syrup will be hot. It is best to take the pan or pot off of the stove to add the milk and then stir until the milk is well-incorporated.  Once well-incorporated, take the caramel mixture off of the stove and set aside.

In a deep baking dish, pour in the pumpkin mixture which was set aside earlier.  Bake in the oven for 30 minutes.

While it is cooking, in a small bowl, mix all of the ingredients for the crumb topping.  Make sure the ingredients are well-incorporated.  Set aside for now.

Once the 30 minutes are up, take out the pie.  Set the pie on a cooling rack and drizzle some of the caramel sauce on top of the pie.  Then add the crumb topping on top of the pie making sure the pie is fully covered. Bake again for another 25 minutes at 375 degrees until the pie is well-set in the center. Once the pie is taken out of the oven, place pie on a cooling rack and let it "rest" for 10 minutes.  Once the 10 minutes are up, then drizzle again with more caramel sauce and let the pie continue to cool.  Once cooled, serve.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Sweet Potato Pie

 Courtesy of dirtyprettythangs.com

2 large sweet potatoes, peeled and cut-up
1 large egg
1/4 cup white sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 tsp. pure vanilla extract
2 Tbsp. ground cinnamon
2 tsp. nutmeg
2 tsp. flour
3/4 cup milk
1/3 cup melted butter or margarine

In a large pot, boil the sweet potatoes.  They would be ready after at least half an hour.  Once they are ready, drain.  Then mash the potatoes in the pot and set aside.  

In a large bowl, mix the sugars, flour, vanilla extract, margarine, and spices in a bowl.  In a smaller bowl, temper the egg and the milk because the potatoes are hot.  Add that in and finally add the potatoes.

Once the mixture is well-incorporated, pour into an unbaked deep dish pan.  Bake in a preheated 400 degree oven.  Bake for at least 30 minutes or until the center is set.  Once ready, let pie cool at room temperature for 20 minutes.  Once the pie has cooled, then serve.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Sound of Music

I love this movie.  It is one of a few movies that I watch that I can watch over and over again.  I know it is over 3 hours long, but it doesn't matter to me.  I personally liked the live NBC version and would purchase a DVD copy of the live performance.  Carrie Underwood is not a trained actress by trade, but she did an adequate job otherwise.  Singing is her strong suit.  However, she was believable as Maria.  It I'm sure was not easy to live up to the Julie Andrews movie version.  But a person will always have their haters.  Either way,  the live version was good enough to remind me of the original, which I am watching now.  I personally didn't think the live version was horrible and that I would recommend it.  I would give the live version a 7.5 out of a possible score of 10.  However, I would give the movie a 10 out of 10.  There is nothing horrid about each versions.  Critics were being too hard on Carrie Underwood.  But haters are gonna hate.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Doubting and hopefully no wrath

Yesterday I was blank.  Today I am doubtful.  It is quite painful to have doubts.  One minute you are full of faith.  The next minute, all doesn't seem right with the world.  That is how I felt today.  I am questioning myself and doubting God.  There are things that I need but maybe I am focusing on the wrong things.  I am here to write that doubt is close to unbelief.  Unbelief should have no place in a believer's or anyone's life. Maybe it is a good thing that I have doubt, but at least there is a small measure of faith there.  I just don't know how to express that faith.  There is a need that seems impossible to obtain yet I am not sure if even God will supply that need.  It seems so wrong to ask Him.  Maybe I should tell God just how I feel.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Where do I begin?

Today I find myself just bored out of my skull literally. I literally have nothing to write.  This is so sad because I have a recipe, a video, or something to say.  But there is nothing to say or write.  I am just a blank slate with no substance in it.  I am so sorry right now.  I have written about so many things in my life I don't know what else to write.  That is the problem.  Where do I go from here?  Where do I start?  Who do I direct my thoughts on?  It is just a lonely place to be.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Reflections about today

I have Christmas music playing in my head today.  It is a feeling of joy I guess.  I feel so much better about how to handle the obsessive thoughts I have been having.  I wish that I could feel this good about the day after Christmas.  I survive on that day every year, but I hate it.  The festivities will end and so will the fun. Today is something else.  I am not in a festive mood however.  I wish that everyday could be like Christmas.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Orange Cupcakes

1 cup sugar
2 1/2 cups self-rising flour
1 egg
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
1 stick softened butter
1 cup orange juice

Mix together the butter, egg, sugar, and vanilla extract.  Beat until fluffy.  Then add the flour and orange juice.  Beat until smooth and well-incorporated.  Pour slowly into the baking cups.  Bake in a preheated 325 degree oven for 20-35 minutes.  Use a toothpick to poke in the center of the cupcake.  If it comes out clean, then it is ready to frost and then serve.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Citrus-Pineapple Cake with Almonds

4 cups of self-rising flour
2 1/2 cups of sugar
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1 cup pineapple juice
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 cup almond butter
3 eggs
1/4 cup orange juice
1 stick softened butter
1 cup slivered or chopped almonds
1 can vanilla or cream cheese frosting
1 can lemon frosting

In a large bowl, combine the sugar, vanilla extract, lemon juice, butter, and eggs; beat until the mixture is fluffy.  Then add 2 cups of self- rising flour, orange, and pineapple juice; beat until mixture is well-incorporated.  Then add the remaining self-rising flour to the mix.  Make sure the batter is thick enough so that the cake won't' fall while it is baking.  If the batter is too thin, add a 1/2 cup of extra flour and another 1/3 cup sugar, and 1/2 tsp each vanilla and lemon extract.

Pour batter into 2-8" or 9" baking pans; bake in a 325 degree oven.  Once those two layers are ready, pour the remaining batter into those pans (making sure they have been floured) and bake in that same oven.  Each layer will bake for 30-45 minutes at 325 degrees.  Use a skewer, knife, or toothpick and poke in the center of each layer.  If they come out clean, then each layer is ready.  After taking each layer out, let it cool for 10-15 minutes.  Once cooled, spread the top of  bottom layer with almond butter; sprinkle with almonds.  Then frost the top of the next layer with lemon frosting.  Then on the top of the third layer, frost with the almond butter and sprinkle with almonds.  Finally frost the rest of the cake with the vanilla or cream cheese frosting making sure the sides are frosted as well.  Sprinkle with almonds.  Finally serve cake.  Will serve at least 12.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Loving to cook

It is amazing how much I love to cook.  I consider myself a decent cook.  I am not a chef but I wonder what my cooking repertoire would be if I were a chef.  I spent the past week putting up recipes of various foods, mostly baked goods.  I wonder if I could have been a baker.  I have often wondered a lot of things and I have worked on it, but I tend to procrastinate on my plans.  For a long time, I wanted to own a restaurant or a bakery.  That, however, takes a lot of planning and a lot of funds.  I don't have enough patience for that.  I have been baking since I was a child.  It isn't so easy, but it isn't so hard either.  It is an exact science but it is not rocket science.  Baking is also fun but it is also hard work if one allows it to be.  Baking is therapeutic for me.  I plan to make a Pineapple Citrus Almond Cake.  This is the first time I will bake such a cake.  I have remembered to use more flour than sugar.  I have also used lemon juice, pineapple juice, and orange juice. Now all I have to do is buy the frostings, both lemon and cream cheese or vanilla and also almonds.  I look forward to finishing the cake for Christmas.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Glazed chocolate cake

1 1/2 cups cocoa powder
1 cup chocolate glaze (1 cup cocoa powder, 1/2 cup milk, 1/4 tsp. vanilla extract, 1 cup powdered sugar)
1 1/2 cups milk
1 cup (2 sticks) softened butter
3 cups self-rising flour
2 cups sugar
3 large eggs
1 tsp. vanilla extract
3 cups self rising flour

In a large bowl, mix the butter, sugar, eggs, and vanilla extract.  Beat mixture until fluffy.  Then add the flour and the cocoa powder.  Beat until well-incorporated.  Pour into a lightly greased and flour  two 8" or 9" pans.  Bake in a preheated 325 degree oven for 30-45 minutes.  After that time period, poke the center of the cake with a butter knife or toothpick.  If the butter knife or toothpick comes out clean, then it is ready.  Cool at room temperature for 20-30 minutes.  Then frost cake with chocolate frosting.  After cake is frosted, make the chocolate glaze in a smaller bowl.  Mix the cocoa powder, vanilla extract, powdered sugar and milk until well-incorporated.  Slowly pour glaze over cake.  Then finally, serve cake.  Makes about 12 servings.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Another pound cake recipe

2 eggs
2 cups white sugar
3 cups self rising flour
1 cup softened butter
2 Tbsp. vanilla extract
1/4 cup lemon juice
1/3 cup milk

In a large bowl, mix the sugar, vanilla extract, and the softened butter. Continue beating and slowly add the eggs and beat until it is fluffy in texture. Next add the flour. Beat until well corporated. Then pour in the lemon juice and keep mixing. In a greased and floured bundt pan (preferably), bake in a preheated 325 degree oven for 45-60 minutes. After baking for 45-60 minutes, use a butter knife or toothpick and poke in the center of the cake. If it comes out clean, then it is ready. Let cool at room temperature for at least an hour. Then flip the cake onto a plate; store on a cake plate. Finally serve.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Raisin Cake

3 cups self-rising flour
1 stick softened butter
2 large eggs
1 cup golden raisins
1 cup raisins
1/4 cup milk
1 cup white sugar
1 cup brown sugar
1 tsp. pure vanilla extract
1 Tbsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. nutmeg
1 tsp. ginger or pumkin pie spice

In a large bowl, mix the eggs, the butter, the sugars, and the vanilla extract.  Beat mixture until fluffy.  Next, add the flour, cinnamon, nutmeg, and pumpkin pie spice.  Keep stirring and add the flour and the milk. Finally add the raisins, making sure they have been drenched in flour.  This will keep the raisins from sinking. Bake in a 350 degree oven for 45 minutes or until done.  Use a toothpick in the center to test if it is done.  If it does come out clean, then it is done.  Set cake aside in a cool place for at least 20 minutes.  Once cake has been cooled, serve.  Will serve at least 8 people.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Lemon Coconut Cake

4 large eggs
1 cup sour cream
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 package lemon pudding
3 cups self-rising flour
2 cups white sugar
2 sticks butter or margarine
1/2 cup milk
1 tsp. lemon extract
1 package shredded coconut
1 can vanilla or cream cheese frosting
1 can lemon frosting

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  In a large bowl, mix softened butter, sugar, eggs, and lemon extract.  Make sure to slowly add eggs, one at a time until thoroughly mixed.  The mixture should be “fluffy” and “creamy” in texture.  Then mix in the flour, pudding, milk,lemon juice, and sour cream until the batter is well mixed.     Then in two 8” or 9” greased and floured pans, pour in the batter.  Bake for 30-45 minutes.  Insert a knife or toothpick; if the knife or toothpick come out of the cake clean, then it is ready.  Let the cake cool for about half an hour at room temperature.  After the cake is cool, then frost each cake layer and cover them with the sweetened (unsweetened) coconut.  Finally, serve.  Serves at least 12 people.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Chocolate Chip Almond blondies

1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate morsels
1/4 cup melted margarine or butter
3 cups self-rising flour
1 cup white sugar
1 1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup slivered almonds
1 large egg
1 tsp. pure vanilla extract

 Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  In a large bowl, mix together the margarine, sugars, egg, and vanilla extract until well incorporated.  Add the flour, morsels, and almonds; stir until well-incorporated.  In a 13" X 9" pan, bake in oven for 30-35 minutes.  Cool on rack for at least half an hour.  Cut into bars and then finally, serve. Will serve at least 12.

Monday, December 9, 2013

Fruitcake Blondies

Fruitcake Blondies

1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate morsels
1/4 cup melted margarine or butter
3 cups self-rising flour
1 cup white sugar
1 1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup dried cranberries
1/4 cup dried blueberries
1/2 cup chopped dates
1/2 cup golden raisins
1/2 cup raisins
1/4 cup chopped pecans
1/2 cup slivered almonds
1/4 cup chopped walnuts
2 tsp. lemon juice
1 large egg, beaten
1 tsp. pure vanilla extract
1 Tbsp. ground cinnamon
1 tsp. nutmeg
1 tsp. pumpkin pie spice

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  In a large bowl, mix together the margarine, sugars, lemon juice, egg, and vanilla extract until well incorporated.  Add the flour, nuts, dried fruits, chocolate morsels,  and spices and stir until well-incorporated.  In a 13" X 9" pan, bake in oven for 30-45 minutes.  Cool on rack for at least half an hour.  Cut into bars and then finally, serve. Will serve at least 12.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Penne and cheese

16 oz. penne noodles
8 oz. cheddar cheese
1/2 cup flour
1/2 margarine
2 cups milk
1 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. black pepper
1/4 tsp. tabasco or hot sauce
1 Tbsp. mustard or 1 tsp. dry mustard

Cook the penne noodles as it is written in the package then drain in a colander and set aside.  In a large pot, make a roux of the milk and the butter.  Keep in mind not to let the roux brown.  Slowly pour in the milk and stir.  Add in the milk.  After a while, the sauce will thicken.

Next, add the cheddar; stir until incorporated and the cheese is melted.   Take the large pot off of the stove, which is set to medium temperature,  so that it can be set aside.  Next, pour in the penne noodles and stir into the cheese sauce.  Stir until well incorporated.  Set aside. The stove should still be set to medium.  Next, add in the mustard, hot sauce, and the spices and stir well.

Pour the penne noodle mixture in a greased baking sheet.  Also, sprinkle penne  mixture with grated cheese, bread crumbs, or anything else that you wish to sprinkle with such as bacon or ham.  Bake in a preheated 350 degree oven for 25-30 minutes until the cheese melts and the penne browns.  Once taken out of the oven, let it cool for at least 10-15 minutes.  Then serve.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Jesus is the reason for this season

Jesus is the Reason for the Season.  I believe He is the Reason for all seasons.  We are to worship Him in spirit and in truth.  I celebrate Christmas all year long.  Well, it means that Christmas is about celebrating not just Jesus' birth, but His very life and what He has done for us.  I want to remember His whole life all day long.  Life is too short not for us to do that for the other 364 days.

Friday, December 6, 2013

Never give up

There are seven things I know that i can do to motivate myself and to never give up.
1- respect my body
2- love myself
3- work to overcome binging
4- exercise
5- continue to affirm myself
6- meditation
7- learn to fight against the wiles of the enemy whatever they may be

I have to learn to do those things.  I have been binging for the past few days and I have been left frustrated and unhealthy.  I am not comfortable in my own skin.  I am just tired of being sick of being sick and tired.  I have grown that way for a while.  The solution is to bring all of my problems to the Lord and cast my cares upon Him.  I believe that the Lord will solve all problems and lift heavy burdens.  I tend to stress myself out too much and have a desire to give up.  I don't know why I tend to make the simple things hard.  This time, I am ready for a change.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Gift of song

I admit that I didn't put up any videos worth of thanks.  I thank God everyday for all He is and all He has done for me.  These three songs have helped me to cope with life's up and downs.  I am so thankful that God blessed these voices with the gift of song.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Musings about Christmas

This version sung by the late Andy Williams reminds me of not only the "Ellen Degeneres Show" by also of my life right now.  I have been dealing with a lot this past year.  Without God, I would not have made it.  This is my favorite season of the year.  In no time, will Christmas be around the corner.  It seems like Christmas will be around the corner.  Life is so short.  It is a great time to celebrate.  I understand that there are people who have lost loved ones and friends, so it should not only be a time of celebration but of solemn rememberance. 

I don't listen to a lot of country music, but former American Idol Carrie Underwood is fantastic.  I tend to post videos on there to comment on them.  Oftentimes it is because I don't wish to skip a day and to catch up.  Other times it is because a song is quite important to me and I love to post videos online like I have doine here.  This is a great version of "Do You Hear What I Hear".  Jesus has arrived, has ressurected, is alive, and is coming back.  That is certainly enough reason for us to celebrate, especially those who are believers in Christ.

This version of "Mary Did You Know" by Clay Aiken is my favorite.  I do wonder what Mary was thinking when she gave birth to the Savior.  I have wondered if He was a rather easy child to raise because to say He would have been well-behaved would be an understatement.  I even wondered if Jesus even needed to be disciplined every once in a while.  I am sure that Jesus was raised by good parents and that God knew what He was doing when He chose Mary and Joseph to raise Him.  I wish I knew what happened during the 18 years from when His parents were looking for HIm to His ministry.  What did happen to the Lord over those years?  Does it really matter?  Maybe it doesn't, but it certainly doesn't hurt to wonder.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Even so, come Lord Jesus

Revelation 22:20-21
20 He which testifieth these things saith,Surely I come quickly. Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus.
21 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.

1 Corinthians 15:50-58

50 I tell you this, brothers: flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. 51 Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, 52 in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. 53 For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. 54 When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:
“Death is swallowed up in victory.”
55 “O death, where is your victory?
    O death, where is your sting?”
56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
58 Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.

Monday, December 2, 2013

"Human" by Human League

This video and song is just simply fascinating.  I like that it takes me back to what was a simpler time for me.  However, I cannot say that it is nostalgic as much tragedy has occurred during that period as well.  I cannot recall other sad memories other than those.  We are all humans trying to live and survive on this planet.  We are created by God, yet flawed and a little lower than the angels.  God is the greatest Artist of all time.

Friday, November 29, 2013

Ballet: a beautiful dance

Ballet is such a beautiful and intricate dance.  I guess that it is how God felt when he created the ballerina.  He knew beforehand what each ballerina wanted to be when she grew up.  There are girls out there who do want to be ballerinas.  I never wanted to be one as I am more of an observer.  I am not the greatest dancer but I can see why people aspire to be ballerinas and watch ballet.  It is a wonderful combination of the beauty and grace and dedication to one's craft.  It is an artform, just like painting or writing a play or acting in a play.  I find plays, sonnets, and operas so fascinating.  Over the years I have become a fan especially within the last year after watching the Nutcracker.  I admit that I have never been to a full-blown opera with its intricate, meticulous attention paid to every detailed note, high and low, and its guided symphonies.  They are relaxing and a pleasure to watch.  I thought that it would bore me, but it doesn't.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Thanksgiving Prayers

Psalm 100
Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth!
qServe the Lord with gladness!
rCome into his presence with singing!
Know that sthe Lord, he is God!
It is he who tmade us, and uwe are his;1
we are his vpeople, and wthe sheep of his pasture.
xEnter his gates with thanksgiving,
and his ycourts with praise!
Give thanks to him; zbless his name!
aFor the Lord is good;
his steadfast love endures forever,
and his bfaithfulness to all generations.

Psalm 149
 Praise ye the Lord. Sing unto the Lord a new song, and his praise in the congregation of saints.
Let Israel rejoice in him that made him: let the children of Zion be joyful in their King.
Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp.
For the Lord taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify the meek with salvation.
Let the saints be joyful in glory: let them sing aloud upon their beds.
Let the high praises of God be in their mouth, and a two-edged sword in their hand;
To execute vengeance upon the heathen, and punishments upon the people;
To bind their kings with chains, and their nobles with fetters of iron;
To execute upon them the judgment written: this honour have all his saints. Praise ye the Lord.

Psalm 150
 Praise ye the Lord. Praise God in his sanctuary: praise him in the firmament of his power.
Praise him for his mighty acts: praise him according to his excellent greatness.
Praise him with the sound of the trumpet: praise him with the psaltery and harp.
Praise him with the timbrel and dance: praise him with stringed instruments and organs.
Praise him upon the loud cymbals: praise him upon the high sounding cymbals.
Let every thing that hath breath praise the Lord. Praise ye the Lord.

Jude 24-25
24 Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy,
25 To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

The Holy Trinity: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit

Who is the Holy Trinity?

The Holy Trinity is God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. To best explain the Trinity, they are three members in one Godhead. Most people, including Christians, have little to no understanding who God is, much less each Person in the Godhead. So who is God? Is He a loving God? Is He a Strict Disciplinarian who is waiting to punish us whenever we sin? There are many who either believe in God, but have no relationship with God or those who do and have doubts about Him. The answers to these questions and concerns are in the Bible.

God the Father is known by many names: Yahweh, Jehovah, Yehovah, Heavenly Father, Father God, Lord God, Yah, Creator, etc. He............... He has the power to forgive sins. He is a limitless, boundless God. He is omniscient and omnipotent. He is Almighty and all-powerful. He is also a Jealous God because He is the only true God. He is not only a loving Father, but a fearless Judge. He is non-compromising God who hates sin. He will punish the wicked, as written in His Word. His word is True because He cannot lie, nor does He expect us to lie without penalty. God is written with human emotions such as anger and laughter.

God the Son is also known by many names: Jesus, Lord, Yeshua, Emmanuel, Redeemer, Savior, Lord of Lords, etc. Isaiah 54:9 calls Him, "Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.". He too has the power to forgive sins. He was the Babe born in a manger to a virgin. Then by about 30 years old, He began a three year ministry where He healed the sick and preached the gospel of repentance. Jesus However, was not just any Teacher. He was God in the flesh. He paid the price for our sins by being crucified. We were according to 1 Corinthians 7:23 "bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men." Within three days, He rose from the dead. He is the only way to the Father; there is no other way. He is the only One who can save us. Through faith in Him we became "more than conquerers" (Romans 8:37) and "dead to sin". (Romans 6:2). He is the One who set us free from the curse of sin, Hell, and thus eternal death.

God the Son is also a joint-heirs along with Him. He and the Father are one. If we call out to Him in the Name of the Son, it will be done. He gave the disciples, and us, parables about the Kingdom of Heaven, Hell, and abiding in Him. Jesus called Himself, the "True Vine" and the Father, "the Husbandman." (John 15:1).

Jesus also gave us an account of who the Holy Spirit is and an even better understanding of the Trinity in John 14:
John 14
1 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.
2 In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
4 And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.
5 Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way?
6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
7 If ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also: and from henceforth ye know him, and have seen him.
8 Philip saith unto him, Lord, shew us the Father, and it sufficeth us.
9 Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip? he that hath seen me hath seen the Father; and how sayest thou then, Shew us the Father?
10 Believest thou not that I am in the Father, and the Father in me? the words that I speak unto you I speak not of myself: but the Father that dwelleth in me, he doeth the works.
11 Believe me that I am in the Father, and the Father in me: or else believe me for the very works' sake.
12 Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father.
13 And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.
14 If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.
15 If ye love me, keep my commandments.
16 And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;
17 Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.
18 I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.
19 Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.
20 At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you.
21 He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.
22 Judas saith unto him, not Iscariot, Lord, how is it that thou wilt manifest thyself unto us, and not unto the world?
23 Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.
24 He that loveth me not keepeth not my sayings: and the word which ye hear is not mine, but the Father's which sent me.
25 These things have I spoken unto you, being yet present with you.
26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
28 Ye have heard how I said unto you, I go away, and come again unto you. If ye loved me, ye would rejoice, because I said, I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than I.
29 And now I have told you before it come to pass, that, when it is come to pass, ye might believe.
30 Hereafter I will not talk much with you: for the prince of this world cometh, and hath nothing in me.
31 But that the world may know that I love the Father; and as the Father gave me commandment, even so I do. Arise, let us go hence.

The Holy Spirit is also called the Holy Ghost. He is the least understood Person in the Godhead. He intercedes for us in prayer. He is our Comforter, Guide, and is the Spirit of Truth. However, He does not speak of Himself. He is always spoken of in the Third Person. He, like the Father and the Son, were part of the Creation in Genesis. The Holy Spirit, like the rest of the Godhead, is to be reverenced in fear. However, blaspheming Him will not be forgiven.

Hopefully, this page has helped you understand about the Trinity, or Godhead. If you have never been born-again or truly received Jesus as Lord and Savior, I ask that you pray this prayer:
"Lord Jesus Christ, I am a sinner in need of a Savior. The Holy Spirit is the One who has convicted me of my sins and I repent of my sins. I receive You now as Lord and Savior. I ask that my name be written in the Lamb's Book of Life. I thank You for saving me. In Your name, Jesus, Amen."

Holy Spirit
John 14:26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.

Revelation 1:8
I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.

Romans 8:26-27
26 In the same way the Spirit also comes to help us, weak that we are. For we do not know how we ought to pray; the Spirit Himself pleads with God for us, in groans that words cannot express.
27 And God, who sees into the hearts of men, knows what the thought of the Spirit is; for the Spirit pleads with God on behalf of His people, and in accordance with His will.

Isaiah 54:5
For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.

Isaiah 12:2
Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Christmas is About Christ, or is it?

This was a video that I have created about the correlation between Christ and Christmas.  I know that in a couple of days, we as Americans will have much to be thankful for.  Jesus is definitely the way, the truth, and the life.  It is kind of like the Sabbath.  We are to worship and serve the Lord everyday, not just on a specified day of the week or even on Christmas.  Christians serve a God who fulfilled the law.  We no longer have to live by the law.  That means that the law or good works won't save us, but Jesus Christ will save us.  I am not meaning to say that the Ten Commandments and the Old Testament are null and void.  They are not.  Murder is wrong, covetnous is wrong, and so are adultery and theft and idolatry.  Those works committed by anyone who has not repentant whether or not they profess Christ with their lips will cause the sinner or false believer to be outside the Kingdom of God.  What that means is that one who continues to sin willfully will not enter Heaven or the New Jerusalem.  That is what should always be the focus whether or not we should celebrate Christmas. 

Monday, November 25, 2013

Cult of celebrity

-a system of religious veneration and devotion directed toward a particular figure or object.

Cultism is truly a form of idolatry.  That is apparent judging from the above definition.  I admit that I have at least exhibited cult-like behavior in the past over MR.  I have a crush, or rather, had a crush on MR.  Yet it became an obsession.  It was deceitful and I needed help.  I am glad that I got the help I needed and my fixation is fading.  Idolatry is futile and so is having an obsession.  It is all vanity.  Serve God only.  We live to serve God.  We don't live for God to serve us. 

Why am I writing this?  I am writing this because of the cult of celebrity that is so pervasive in US society at least.  These celebrities are images, but they are people at the same time.  I am watching "Ellen" and Lady Gaga is being interviewed.  What is so amazing is that she is a human who comes across as a real human.  She is a talented artist that is a person like all of us.  She is not an object to be worshipped.  It is okay to like her music, but there are some of us humans who take devotion to a whole new level.

While I never posted pictures of MR on my wall, it was as if I posted pics of him in my heart and online.  I was so obsessed with the man I couldn't think straight.  I had to get a perspective on my obsession with him.  MR is a talented actor who is a man just like other men.  I see him on tv and on the internet, but I never met him, nor will I ever meet him.  He seems approachable and nice, but is he?  He is not only a famous person, but he is also selling himself to the public in the hopes that we will watch his films.  Lady Gaga is doing the same thing with her music.  

They are a carefully crafted image created by a machine.  We are not to worship them.  It is futile.  It is vanity.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

A Promise is a Promise fulfilled

We all promise a lot of things but like the title says, "Jesus Promised"  His promises like His prophecies are 100%.  They are accurate, true, and to the letter.  With the Lord, a promise is a promised that will be fulfilled.  Christians serve a God who cannot lie.  He is Honest and expects all His creation to be the same way.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Giving of thanks and serving mankind

Gift giving and being thankful give me joy.  As a believer, I have realized that serving God and serving your fellow man (and woman) is about loving and cherishing others.  Christmas and Thanksgiving are times when we should be loving, giving, and thanking God and thanking others.  I wasn't sure what the holidays are all about in the past because it seems so cliched.  I wasn't cynical mind you, but celebrating these holidays shouldn't just be about having fun, but about being holy. 

Holiness is a requirement for Christian living.  I wish that sometimes I could be perfect, but as a human being, that is impossible.  I can however, set myself apart from the things of the world.  Getting caught up in the world is like giving the devil a place in your life.  I know that I was supposed to be writing about giving and being thankful, so I tend to wander off.  Staying focus is something that I have trouble with at times.

Anyways, I don't just love the idea of giving.  That is like loving the idea of loving someone without actually loving that person.  It is a selfish thing to do and it is unfair to not only that person, but also oneself.  Holidays are about setting a day or two aside to love and give love in return.  That is something that I hope to remember this Holiday Season.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Calmed down about my weight issues

I haven't written much in the past two days this is true.  I was more poetic yesterday and more musical on Wednesday.  I am grateful for a lot of things today.  Following doctor's orders is quite important.  I wished I had followed his and her orders before.  I have decided that that is what is best for me.  I thought I had all of the answers but I didn't.  It left me confused and frazzled.  Because of the confusion and stress, I ended up making bad choices and now I am trying to lose weight again.  I take full responsibility for my bad choices.  I am still in the plateau range but at least I have not gained all of my weight back, which is good news.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Waxing poetic

Today was just another day in a year full of days.  It will always be another day in a year filled with days, weeks, and months.  Today, my obsessions with MR and CO have finally weakened.  The world's opinions of them do not matter.  There is no need to convince myself.  It just is.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Obsessive thoughts

Allow me to reflect on the thoughts and obsessions that I have been having over the years.  I feel that they have helped me to cope with reality yet has put me in a fantasy world.  Mickey Rourke is a great actor, but in reality, what kind of person is he?  Is he a nice person?  Is he honest?  Is  he introspective?  Or is he a man who lacks morals and decency?  Is he dishonest?  Is he destructive towards himself or others?  The truth is, unless I meet him, I will never know.  He is an image to me after all.

So are other celebrities, including those close to him.  There are people who write books about one another.  I don't know or care about these people.  There is no need to convince myself.  There is no need to think otherwise.  I will never in truth, meet them.  I don't know them.  Other's opinions don't matter and they no longer matter.  What matters is my relationship with God.  That is what matters to me.  Decency, morals, worship, and holiness are good, godly qualities that all believers should strive to have.

Life is way too short to allow these thoughts to take over my life.  That includes my thought life.  It is important to realize that I have to allow these thoughts to pass.  This morning it took nasty thoughts about being yelled at and being physically ill to realize all of this.  It took a new perspective that I had to learn about myself.  I wish that advice would have set me free, but all of those things didn't  help me because I wasn't bored enough.  I am bored with all of it.  I am not sick of these thoughts.  I wish to move on.  That is what I desire.

Monday, November 18, 2013


I have to admit that nothing has happened.  I have a cold and that is about as exciting as my day went. When the person is you, you have a new perspective on things.  I feel so shallow today because I have relatives who are much sicker than I.  I am not so sure about them, but they seem to be okay.  I wish I was there for my sick relative but I am sick myself. One has to be sick in order to see one perspective, to have that mile walked in their shoes.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

The life of a Christian

Being a Christian isn't a walk in the park.  Let me explain.  A true Christian goes through problems like everyone else.  We know that there is also a spiritual fight that we have to face.  We don't wrestle against flesh and blood but we have to fight the very works of the enemy.  The Christian walk isn't just an easy ride, but also a race where sometimes the roads are unpaved.  Many Christians have also been persecuted for their faith.  It has been going on for millenia.  That will not change until the time of the end.  However, we are to be overcomers.  Satan is a deceiver seeking whom he may devourer.  Jesus is the Lord and Savior who conqured hell and the grave.  Jesus Christ has all of the winning tools at His disposal.  Amen.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Saturday musings...

Re-direction is a wonderful thing if one is as obsessed as I am.  It gives me a strategy to cope with whatever thoughts are bothering me.  There is something about those thoughts that bother me.  I should write a story or something about why I have those thoughts in the first place.  But sadly it is only a theory.  Today is a good day so far.

Why do some women  hate one another?  Why do some black people hate one another?  Is it because of men?  Is it because of the white man in general?  Men and white people have little to nothing to do with the fact that some women and black general in general are mean, catty, and just plain rude.  It has to do with the individual's character.  Never use someone else as a crutch.  Power is something one cannot take for granted.  Women in general are more territorial than men plus we are more subtle, thus making us a dangerous creature.  Men in general are physically stronger and intellectually more logical than women.  That is how it is.  We are different yet are the same.

Fear is something to overcome.  It is false evidence appearing real.  That is the definition of obsessive compulsive disorder.  It is a disorder of fear.  The fear of something bad happening is present.  I have had this fear for a long time now and I have just now found out that I can do something about it.  I have been hiding and avoiding for so long I didn't know how to deal with anything else.  I avoid living life in general.

My motives haven't always been pure.  I realize that I have had selfish motives for wanting to watch tv or movies.  I realize that I have avoided situations because of fear and not because the movie or tv show or song does not honor God.  I admit that I have done dishonorable things and for that, I am no saint.  One who is holy has pure motives.  Mercy and faith go hand in hand with holiness.  Those are things that matter much more to me in the grand scheme of things.

Friday, November 15, 2013


Today isn't just a musing, but a reflection.  Last year, I wasn't so sure what to call my new blog.  Musings was the first thing that came up.  I am wondering if I should change the name of my blog since quite a few entries have not really been musings or reflections.  Then again, maybe I am wrong.  Hopefully, I am wrong.

I was being hopeful and reflective today based on how things were this morning.  For the past two days, I have been less stressful about losing weight than at any time.  It is because of my diet.  I ate only 1400 calories a day now.  Well, hopefully I will eat 1400 calories per day maximum.  I realize that it doesn't always work that way.  I wish to be honest with what I eat and drink though I am not proud when I am over the limit.  I am ashamed and that is a lesson that I had to learn.

I have been having obsessive thoughts about MR and his ex-wife CO.  Other people's entries and opinions do not matter.  If I were to watch a movie or a video they appear in, it is because I am an obsessed fan.  There is no other way around it.  I was obsessed with both of them.  They are divorced and she has the right to write a book about her ex.  I don't know her and will never meet her.  Nor will I ever meet him.  I don't know these people.   In the grand scheme of things, none of the obsessive stuff matters.  They could be nice or evil people.  I don't know.

I have found myself justifying these thoughts and trying to convince myself.  I am not confused about these thoughts.  They have not been as soothing or kind to me as I thought.  They have been nothing but a burden.  They have distracted me, bothered me, burdened me, and woken me up.  It has been quite confusing.  I am drawn to them like a moth to a flame.  I have learned to be thankful and to re-direct my thoughts.  I have learned to let the thoughts pass.  I have to do what is hard, and re-directing and letting the thoughts pass is rather hard.

Do they honor God?  No, they do not honor God.  Do they honor me?  That is obviously not true either.  I have asked myself a series of questions not only about the thoughts, but about how I live my life.  I needed to take an inventory of my life and myself.  I have become more aware today than I have on other days.  The feedback of others have become too valuable and mine have not been valuable enough.  I care about others, of course, but I have to care about myself too.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Insight into Christmas and the world at large

I guess I can write about Christmas.  I like to plan ahead, but I find myself obsessed with budgeting and buying gifts.  It is rough to obsess like shopping for others will be easy.  It is an exciting yet stressful time of the year. 

The thing I love to give.  It is good to receive, but it is better to give.  Giving isn't about receiving something all of the time.  That is one thing that is too wrong with the world.  Too many people only give in order to receive.  That is not right because it is so selfish.  It is no different for those in the church.  I wonder how many people pay their tithes and offerings so that they will be blessed.  Give tithes and offerings for God and the church, not for yourself.

God loves blessing us, but we also have to be a blessing.  We live in a selfish world.  Too many people put themselves first ahead of all others.  Many are also self-righteous and self-serving.  We are supposed to "die to self" daily.  In order to be godly, one has to lose themselves and gain Christ.  That is what love, giving, and holiness are all about.

That is what Christmas should be about.  The latest gadget or toy is nice and all, but what about holiness, righteousness, faith, wisdom, and kindness.  Those things are not one they can wrestle for in the stores like some do with video games and dolls.  A holy person lives for righteousness and is of God and not of the world. 

I know that I was supposed to write about Christmas, but I am glad that it turned to something else.  Sure I am talking about Christmas and I even wrote a video about it.  So ironically all of this does tie together.  For that, I am thankful that God has given me so much insight into life that I didn't know that I had.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Being thankful and serving others

I love giving gifts.  Christmas is a great time of the year, but I think that I, like many in the United States, underrate Thanksgiving.  We as Americans have much to thankful for.  Granted, we have a lot of problems, but most of us don't go to bed hungry.  Many people in other countries do.  I am reminded of them quite often and I am not just thankful, but I am grateful that there are people who show love to those who are in need.  I am not always good at expressing myself, but we as believers are to love and serve those in need, not just because it is the right thing to do and that we are supposed to serve.  We are to love those we serve, and that is the reason we do the right thing.  We love our fellow man, woman, and child.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Happy Veterans Day Tribute

I would today like to wish a Happy Veterans' Day to all of those who have served our country.  So many of them gave of their lives and they should be greatly appreciated.  However, despite the fact that they should be thanked and that they should have a day set aside for them, everyday should be a day when we thank our veterans.  They have fought valiantly and I, for one, will not forget their service to this country.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

My testimony and an interest of mine

I would like to stop being bored.  I realize that if I were to list everything about my life, I would have no reason to be bored.  I am thankful for what I have.  I would like to go on an expedition riding horses.  I would also like to travel the world.I know nothing about expeditions, but I would like to travel the world.  As a matter of fact, I would like to be a missionary and serve the Lord.  I have thought about this, but I was wondering if that is what God wanted me to do.  I am grateful that I have come a mighty long way, though I don't always see it.

Here is my testimony:
Hello, I have been writing a testimony about my life. I first became born again in 1994. It has been an interesting journey. I thanked God and still do, thank Him for saving me. My life has had many ups and downs. My testimony will be like many Christians who have been diagnosed with an emotional disorder.

I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder on February 19, 1994. I was at first diagnosed with depression because of what has been going on with me. Within a week or two, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was actually relieved. For a long time, I felt like I was going crazy. I had suicidal thoughts almost on a daily basis. My personality changed with my moods. My relationships with others suffered. My grades went down. I would walk out of class and oftentimes, I wouldn't make even show up for class. Not long before, I had never walked out of class unless there was an excuse such as a medical emergency. My grades were decent-I was on the honor roll. I graduated in the top 5 of my high school class. I was a happy 18-year old who enjoyed going to college. Life was good. However, I didn't know that depression during those days would be a precursor to my worst year ever.

Life became a total wreck. By this time, people began to turn on me. I have thought of elaborate ways that I wanted to die. I had a rough time dealing with what was going on around me. I began to obsess about a particular guy that I got along with. All of a sudden, a little crush turned into an obsession. I made a fool out of myself. The worst part of it was that others knew as well. Everything seemed negative. I did care about what others think. But then, I started praying a long prayer to God. What I didn't realize is that that prayer would be the beginning to a journey that would forever change my life. Things haven't improved, not until September 10, 1994. I prayed to ask Jesus to come into my heart twice on advice of a friend. I wasn't sure if He heard me. But that day was a miracle in itself. I didn't think I was well-liked or had many friends. But then, I realized who my real friends are. I am thankful that God showed me who they were that way. I really needed them then.

What I didn't realize was that I needed God. It was around 1:00 or so that afternoon and I went up to a friend's room. I knew that she was a born-again Christian and I started talking to her about all of my problems. I met two other girls, one of them was a freshmen at that time. I literally cried a river and poured out my heart. I was a lonely young woman. I knew it. Then she asked me if I believe that Jesus died for me and that if I believed that Jesus rose on the third day. I told her that I did. Then she mentioned the word "friends". It clicked. That was all I remember from that question. However, I have told her that I will get saved later on that I wanted to go somewhere. Her warning was to me that tomorrow was promised to no one. These were not her exact words, but that is what she meant. I am so glad that I did not hesitate. I prayed with her to receive Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I saw a mental picture of cherub-like angels on a blue background. It was a mental painting almost. Everything seemed different. Things were brighter. One of the girls remarked that I even looked different. God took my pain away. He had started me on a new journey. And for that I praise God. Life is better. I still have my share of problems, but all Christians have their share of problems. Christians will be persecuted for their faith. I went from barely reading the Bible from reading and studying the Bible daily. I prayed mostly in need, but I pray daily. I have changed. Within a year from that day, I transferred to a new school and graduated two years later. I have learned how to handle my problems better. Over time, I have grown to depend on God daily. I have become interested in different things. I have become a different person. I have become wiser, and I thank God for that.