Friday, November 29, 2013

Ballet: a beautiful dance

Ballet is such a beautiful and intricate dance.  I guess that it is how God felt when he created the ballerina.  He knew beforehand what each ballerina wanted to be when she grew up.  There are girls out there who do want to be ballerinas.  I never wanted to be one as I am more of an observer.  I am not the greatest dancer but I can see why people aspire to be ballerinas and watch ballet.  It is a wonderful combination of the beauty and grace and dedication to one's craft.  It is an artform, just like painting or writing a play or acting in a play.  I find plays, sonnets, and operas so fascinating.  Over the years I have become a fan especially within the last year after watching the Nutcracker.  I admit that I have never been to a full-blown opera with its intricate, meticulous attention paid to every detailed note, high and low, and its guided symphonies.  They are relaxing and a pleasure to watch.  I thought that it would bore me, but it doesn't.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Thanksgiving Prayers

Psalm 100
Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth!
qServe the Lord with gladness!
rCome into his presence with singing!
Know that sthe Lord, he is God!
It is he who tmade us, and uwe are his;1
we are his vpeople, and wthe sheep of his pasture.
xEnter his gates with thanksgiving,
and his ycourts with praise!
Give thanks to him; zbless his name!
aFor the Lord is good;
his steadfast love endures forever,
and his bfaithfulness to all generations.

Psalm 149
 Praise ye the Lord. Sing unto the Lord a new song, and his praise in the congregation of saints.
Let Israel rejoice in him that made him: let the children of Zion be joyful in their King.
Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp.
For the Lord taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify the meek with salvation.
Let the saints be joyful in glory: let them sing aloud upon their beds.
Let the high praises of God be in their mouth, and a two-edged sword in their hand;
To execute vengeance upon the heathen, and punishments upon the people;
To bind their kings with chains, and their nobles with fetters of iron;
To execute upon them the judgment written: this honour have all his saints. Praise ye the Lord.

Psalm 150
 Praise ye the Lord. Praise God in his sanctuary: praise him in the firmament of his power.
Praise him for his mighty acts: praise him according to his excellent greatness.
Praise him with the sound of the trumpet: praise him with the psaltery and harp.
Praise him with the timbrel and dance: praise him with stringed instruments and organs.
Praise him upon the loud cymbals: praise him upon the high sounding cymbals.
Let every thing that hath breath praise the Lord. Praise ye the Lord.

Jude 24-25
24 Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy,
25 To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

The Holy Trinity: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit

Who is the Holy Trinity?

The Holy Trinity is God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. To best explain the Trinity, they are three members in one Godhead. Most people, including Christians, have little to no understanding who God is, much less each Person in the Godhead. So who is God? Is He a loving God? Is He a Strict Disciplinarian who is waiting to punish us whenever we sin? There are many who either believe in God, but have no relationship with God or those who do and have doubts about Him. The answers to these questions and concerns are in the Bible.

God the Father is known by many names: Yahweh, Jehovah, Yehovah, Heavenly Father, Father God, Lord God, Yah, Creator, etc. He............... He has the power to forgive sins. He is a limitless, boundless God. He is omniscient and omnipotent. He is Almighty and all-powerful. He is also a Jealous God because He is the only true God. He is not only a loving Father, but a fearless Judge. He is non-compromising God who hates sin. He will punish the wicked, as written in His Word. His word is True because He cannot lie, nor does He expect us to lie without penalty. God is written with human emotions such as anger and laughter.

God the Son is also known by many names: Jesus, Lord, Yeshua, Emmanuel, Redeemer, Savior, Lord of Lords, etc. Isaiah 54:9 calls Him, "Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.". He too has the power to forgive sins. He was the Babe born in a manger to a virgin. Then by about 30 years old, He began a three year ministry where He healed the sick and preached the gospel of repentance. Jesus However, was not just any Teacher. He was God in the flesh. He paid the price for our sins by being crucified. We were according to 1 Corinthians 7:23 "bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men." Within three days, He rose from the dead. He is the only way to the Father; there is no other way. He is the only One who can save us. Through faith in Him we became "more than conquerers" (Romans 8:37) and "dead to sin". (Romans 6:2). He is the One who set us free from the curse of sin, Hell, and thus eternal death.

God the Son is also a joint-heirs along with Him. He and the Father are one. If we call out to Him in the Name of the Son, it will be done. He gave the disciples, and us, parables about the Kingdom of Heaven, Hell, and abiding in Him. Jesus called Himself, the "True Vine" and the Father, "the Husbandman." (John 15:1).

Jesus also gave us an account of who the Holy Spirit is and an even better understanding of the Trinity in John 14:
John 14
1 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.
2 In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
4 And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.
5 Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way?
6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
7 If ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also: and from henceforth ye know him, and have seen him.
8 Philip saith unto him, Lord, shew us the Father, and it sufficeth us.
9 Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip? he that hath seen me hath seen the Father; and how sayest thou then, Shew us the Father?
10 Believest thou not that I am in the Father, and the Father in me? the words that I speak unto you I speak not of myself: but the Father that dwelleth in me, he doeth the works.
11 Believe me that I am in the Father, and the Father in me: or else believe me for the very works' sake.
12 Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father.
13 And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.
14 If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.
15 If ye love me, keep my commandments.
16 And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;
17 Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.
18 I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.
19 Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.
20 At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you.
21 He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.
22 Judas saith unto him, not Iscariot, Lord, how is it that thou wilt manifest thyself unto us, and not unto the world?
23 Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.
24 He that loveth me not keepeth not my sayings: and the word which ye hear is not mine, but the Father's which sent me.
25 These things have I spoken unto you, being yet present with you.
26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
28 Ye have heard how I said unto you, I go away, and come again unto you. If ye loved me, ye would rejoice, because I said, I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than I.
29 And now I have told you before it come to pass, that, when it is come to pass, ye might believe.
30 Hereafter I will not talk much with you: for the prince of this world cometh, and hath nothing in me.
31 But that the world may know that I love the Father; and as the Father gave me commandment, even so I do. Arise, let us go hence.

The Holy Spirit is also called the Holy Ghost. He is the least understood Person in the Godhead. He intercedes for us in prayer. He is our Comforter, Guide, and is the Spirit of Truth. However, He does not speak of Himself. He is always spoken of in the Third Person. He, like the Father and the Son, were part of the Creation in Genesis. The Holy Spirit, like the rest of the Godhead, is to be reverenced in fear. However, blaspheming Him will not be forgiven.

Hopefully, this page has helped you understand about the Trinity, or Godhead. If you have never been born-again or truly received Jesus as Lord and Savior, I ask that you pray this prayer:
"Lord Jesus Christ, I am a sinner in need of a Savior. The Holy Spirit is the One who has convicted me of my sins and I repent of my sins. I receive You now as Lord and Savior. I ask that my name be written in the Lamb's Book of Life. I thank You for saving me. In Your name, Jesus, Amen."

Holy Spirit
John 14:26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.

Revelation 1:8
I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.

Romans 8:26-27
26 In the same way the Spirit also comes to help us, weak that we are. For we do not know how we ought to pray; the Spirit Himself pleads with God for us, in groans that words cannot express.
27 And God, who sees into the hearts of men, knows what the thought of the Spirit is; for the Spirit pleads with God on behalf of His people, and in accordance with His will.

Isaiah 54:5
For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.

Isaiah 12:2
Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Christmas is About Christ, or is it?

This was a video that I have created about the correlation between Christ and Christmas.  I know that in a couple of days, we as Americans will have much to be thankful for.  Jesus is definitely the way, the truth, and the life.  It is kind of like the Sabbath.  We are to worship and serve the Lord everyday, not just on a specified day of the week or even on Christmas.  Christians serve a God who fulfilled the law.  We no longer have to live by the law.  That means that the law or good works won't save us, but Jesus Christ will save us.  I am not meaning to say that the Ten Commandments and the Old Testament are null and void.  They are not.  Murder is wrong, covetnous is wrong, and so are adultery and theft and idolatry.  Those works committed by anyone who has not repentant whether or not they profess Christ with their lips will cause the sinner or false believer to be outside the Kingdom of God.  What that means is that one who continues to sin willfully will not enter Heaven or the New Jerusalem.  That is what should always be the focus whether or not we should celebrate Christmas. 

Monday, November 25, 2013

Cult of celebrity

-a system of religious veneration and devotion directed toward a particular figure or object.

Cultism is truly a form of idolatry.  That is apparent judging from the above definition.  I admit that I have at least exhibited cult-like behavior in the past over MR.  I have a crush, or rather, had a crush on MR.  Yet it became an obsession.  It was deceitful and I needed help.  I am glad that I got the help I needed and my fixation is fading.  Idolatry is futile and so is having an obsession.  It is all vanity.  Serve God only.  We live to serve God.  We don't live for God to serve us. 

Why am I writing this?  I am writing this because of the cult of celebrity that is so pervasive in US society at least.  These celebrities are images, but they are people at the same time.  I am watching "Ellen" and Lady Gaga is being interviewed.  What is so amazing is that she is a human who comes across as a real human.  She is a talented artist that is a person like all of us.  She is not an object to be worshipped.  It is okay to like her music, but there are some of us humans who take devotion to a whole new level.

While I never posted pictures of MR on my wall, it was as if I posted pics of him in my heart and online.  I was so obsessed with the man I couldn't think straight.  I had to get a perspective on my obsession with him.  MR is a talented actor who is a man just like other men.  I see him on tv and on the internet, but I never met him, nor will I ever meet him.  He seems approachable and nice, but is he?  He is not only a famous person, but he is also selling himself to the public in the hopes that we will watch his films.  Lady Gaga is doing the same thing with her music.  

They are a carefully crafted image created by a machine.  We are not to worship them.  It is futile.  It is vanity.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

A Promise is a Promise fulfilled

We all promise a lot of things but like the title says, "Jesus Promised"  His promises like His prophecies are 100%.  They are accurate, true, and to the letter.  With the Lord, a promise is a promised that will be fulfilled.  Christians serve a God who cannot lie.  He is Honest and expects all His creation to be the same way.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Giving of thanks and serving mankind

Gift giving and being thankful give me joy.  As a believer, I have realized that serving God and serving your fellow man (and woman) is about loving and cherishing others.  Christmas and Thanksgiving are times when we should be loving, giving, and thanking God and thanking others.  I wasn't sure what the holidays are all about in the past because it seems so cliched.  I wasn't cynical mind you, but celebrating these holidays shouldn't just be about having fun, but about being holy. 

Holiness is a requirement for Christian living.  I wish that sometimes I could be perfect, but as a human being, that is impossible.  I can however, set myself apart from the things of the world.  Getting caught up in the world is like giving the devil a place in your life.  I know that I was supposed to be writing about giving and being thankful, so I tend to wander off.  Staying focus is something that I have trouble with at times.

Anyways, I don't just love the idea of giving.  That is like loving the idea of loving someone without actually loving that person.  It is a selfish thing to do and it is unfair to not only that person, but also oneself.  Holidays are about setting a day or two aside to love and give love in return.  That is something that I hope to remember this Holiday Season.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Calmed down about my weight issues

I haven't written much in the past two days this is true.  I was more poetic yesterday and more musical on Wednesday.  I am grateful for a lot of things today.  Following doctor's orders is quite important.  I wished I had followed his and her orders before.  I have decided that that is what is best for me.  I thought I had all of the answers but I didn't.  It left me confused and frazzled.  Because of the confusion and stress, I ended up making bad choices and now I am trying to lose weight again.  I take full responsibility for my bad choices.  I am still in the plateau range but at least I have not gained all of my weight back, which is good news.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Waxing poetic

Today was just another day in a year full of days.  It will always be another day in a year filled with days, weeks, and months.  Today, my obsessions with MR and CO have finally weakened.  The world's opinions of them do not matter.  There is no need to convince myself.  It just is.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Obsessive thoughts

Allow me to reflect on the thoughts and obsessions that I have been having over the years.  I feel that they have helped me to cope with reality yet has put me in a fantasy world.  Mickey Rourke is a great actor, but in reality, what kind of person is he?  Is he a nice person?  Is he honest?  Is  he introspective?  Or is he a man who lacks morals and decency?  Is he dishonest?  Is he destructive towards himself or others?  The truth is, unless I meet him, I will never know.  He is an image to me after all.

So are other celebrities, including those close to him.  There are people who write books about one another.  I don't know or care about these people.  There is no need to convince myself.  There is no need to think otherwise.  I will never in truth, meet them.  I don't know them.  Other's opinions don't matter and they no longer matter.  What matters is my relationship with God.  That is what matters to me.  Decency, morals, worship, and holiness are good, godly qualities that all believers should strive to have.

Life is way too short to allow these thoughts to take over my life.  That includes my thought life.  It is important to realize that I have to allow these thoughts to pass.  This morning it took nasty thoughts about being yelled at and being physically ill to realize all of this.  It took a new perspective that I had to learn about myself.  I wish that advice would have set me free, but all of those things didn't  help me because I wasn't bored enough.  I am bored with all of it.  I am not sick of these thoughts.  I wish to move on.  That is what I desire.

Monday, November 18, 2013


I have to admit that nothing has happened.  I have a cold and that is about as exciting as my day went. When the person is you, you have a new perspective on things.  I feel so shallow today because I have relatives who are much sicker than I.  I am not so sure about them, but they seem to be okay.  I wish I was there for my sick relative but I am sick myself. One has to be sick in order to see one perspective, to have that mile walked in their shoes.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

The life of a Christian

Being a Christian isn't a walk in the park.  Let me explain.  A true Christian goes through problems like everyone else.  We know that there is also a spiritual fight that we have to face.  We don't wrestle against flesh and blood but we have to fight the very works of the enemy.  The Christian walk isn't just an easy ride, but also a race where sometimes the roads are unpaved.  Many Christians have also been persecuted for their faith.  It has been going on for millenia.  That will not change until the time of the end.  However, we are to be overcomers.  Satan is a deceiver seeking whom he may devourer.  Jesus is the Lord and Savior who conqured hell and the grave.  Jesus Christ has all of the winning tools at His disposal.  Amen.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Saturday musings...

Re-direction is a wonderful thing if one is as obsessed as I am.  It gives me a strategy to cope with whatever thoughts are bothering me.  There is something about those thoughts that bother me.  I should write a story or something about why I have those thoughts in the first place.  But sadly it is only a theory.  Today is a good day so far.

Why do some women  hate one another?  Why do some black people hate one another?  Is it because of men?  Is it because of the white man in general?  Men and white people have little to nothing to do with the fact that some women and black general in general are mean, catty, and just plain rude.  It has to do with the individual's character.  Never use someone else as a crutch.  Power is something one cannot take for granted.  Women in general are more territorial than men plus we are more subtle, thus making us a dangerous creature.  Men in general are physically stronger and intellectually more logical than women.  That is how it is.  We are different yet are the same.

Fear is something to overcome.  It is false evidence appearing real.  That is the definition of obsessive compulsive disorder.  It is a disorder of fear.  The fear of something bad happening is present.  I have had this fear for a long time now and I have just now found out that I can do something about it.  I have been hiding and avoiding for so long I didn't know how to deal with anything else.  I avoid living life in general.

My motives haven't always been pure.  I realize that I have had selfish motives for wanting to watch tv or movies.  I realize that I have avoided situations because of fear and not because the movie or tv show or song does not honor God.  I admit that I have done dishonorable things and for that, I am no saint.  One who is holy has pure motives.  Mercy and faith go hand in hand with holiness.  Those are things that matter much more to me in the grand scheme of things.

Friday, November 15, 2013


Today isn't just a musing, but a reflection.  Last year, I wasn't so sure what to call my new blog.  Musings was the first thing that came up.  I am wondering if I should change the name of my blog since quite a few entries have not really been musings or reflections.  Then again, maybe I am wrong.  Hopefully, I am wrong.

I was being hopeful and reflective today based on how things were this morning.  For the past two days, I have been less stressful about losing weight than at any time.  It is because of my diet.  I ate only 1400 calories a day now.  Well, hopefully I will eat 1400 calories per day maximum.  I realize that it doesn't always work that way.  I wish to be honest with what I eat and drink though I am not proud when I am over the limit.  I am ashamed and that is a lesson that I had to learn.

I have been having obsessive thoughts about MR and his ex-wife CO.  Other people's entries and opinions do not matter.  If I were to watch a movie or a video they appear in, it is because I am an obsessed fan.  There is no other way around it.  I was obsessed with both of them.  They are divorced and she has the right to write a book about her ex.  I don't know her and will never meet her.  Nor will I ever meet him.  I don't know these people.   In the grand scheme of things, none of the obsessive stuff matters.  They could be nice or evil people.  I don't know.

I have found myself justifying these thoughts and trying to convince myself.  I am not confused about these thoughts.  They have not been as soothing or kind to me as I thought.  They have been nothing but a burden.  They have distracted me, bothered me, burdened me, and woken me up.  It has been quite confusing.  I am drawn to them like a moth to a flame.  I have learned to be thankful and to re-direct my thoughts.  I have learned to let the thoughts pass.  I have to do what is hard, and re-directing and letting the thoughts pass is rather hard.

Do they honor God?  No, they do not honor God.  Do they honor me?  That is obviously not true either.  I have asked myself a series of questions not only about the thoughts, but about how I live my life.  I needed to take an inventory of my life and myself.  I have become more aware today than I have on other days.  The feedback of others have become too valuable and mine have not been valuable enough.  I care about others, of course, but I have to care about myself too.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Insight into Christmas and the world at large

I guess I can write about Christmas.  I like to plan ahead, but I find myself obsessed with budgeting and buying gifts.  It is rough to obsess like shopping for others will be easy.  It is an exciting yet stressful time of the year. 

The thing I love to give.  It is good to receive, but it is better to give.  Giving isn't about receiving something all of the time.  That is one thing that is too wrong with the world.  Too many people only give in order to receive.  That is not right because it is so selfish.  It is no different for those in the church.  I wonder how many people pay their tithes and offerings so that they will be blessed.  Give tithes and offerings for God and the church, not for yourself.

God loves blessing us, but we also have to be a blessing.  We live in a selfish world.  Too many people put themselves first ahead of all others.  Many are also self-righteous and self-serving.  We are supposed to "die to self" daily.  In order to be godly, one has to lose themselves and gain Christ.  That is what love, giving, and holiness are all about.

That is what Christmas should be about.  The latest gadget or toy is nice and all, but what about holiness, righteousness, faith, wisdom, and kindness.  Those things are not one they can wrestle for in the stores like some do with video games and dolls.  A holy person lives for righteousness and is of God and not of the world. 

I know that I was supposed to write about Christmas, but I am glad that it turned to something else.  Sure I am talking about Christmas and I even wrote a video about it.  So ironically all of this does tie together.  For that, I am thankful that God has given me so much insight into life that I didn't know that I had.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Being thankful and serving others

I love giving gifts.  Christmas is a great time of the year, but I think that I, like many in the United States, underrate Thanksgiving.  We as Americans have much to thankful for.  Granted, we have a lot of problems, but most of us don't go to bed hungry.  Many people in other countries do.  I am reminded of them quite often and I am not just thankful, but I am grateful that there are people who show love to those who are in need.  I am not always good at expressing myself, but we as believers are to love and serve those in need, not just because it is the right thing to do and that we are supposed to serve.  We are to love those we serve, and that is the reason we do the right thing.  We love our fellow man, woman, and child.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Happy Veterans Day Tribute

I would today like to wish a Happy Veterans' Day to all of those who have served our country.  So many of them gave of their lives and they should be greatly appreciated.  However, despite the fact that they should be thanked and that they should have a day set aside for them, everyday should be a day when we thank our veterans.  They have fought valiantly and I, for one, will not forget their service to this country.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

My testimony and an interest of mine

I would like to stop being bored.  I realize that if I were to list everything about my life, I would have no reason to be bored.  I am thankful for what I have.  I would like to go on an expedition riding horses.  I would also like to travel the world.I know nothing about expeditions, but I would like to travel the world.  As a matter of fact, I would like to be a missionary and serve the Lord.  I have thought about this, but I was wondering if that is what God wanted me to do.  I am grateful that I have come a mighty long way, though I don't always see it.

Here is my testimony:
Hello, I have been writing a testimony about my life. I first became born again in 1994. It has been an interesting journey. I thanked God and still do, thank Him for saving me. My life has had many ups and downs. My testimony will be like many Christians who have been diagnosed with an emotional disorder.

I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder on February 19, 1994. I was at first diagnosed with depression because of what has been going on with me. Within a week or two, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was actually relieved. For a long time, I felt like I was going crazy. I had suicidal thoughts almost on a daily basis. My personality changed with my moods. My relationships with others suffered. My grades went down. I would walk out of class and oftentimes, I wouldn't make even show up for class. Not long before, I had never walked out of class unless there was an excuse such as a medical emergency. My grades were decent-I was on the honor roll. I graduated in the top 5 of my high school class. I was a happy 18-year old who enjoyed going to college. Life was good. However, I didn't know that depression during those days would be a precursor to my worst year ever.

Life became a total wreck. By this time, people began to turn on me. I have thought of elaborate ways that I wanted to die. I had a rough time dealing with what was going on around me. I began to obsess about a particular guy that I got along with. All of a sudden, a little crush turned into an obsession. I made a fool out of myself. The worst part of it was that others knew as well. Everything seemed negative. I did care about what others think. But then, I started praying a long prayer to God. What I didn't realize is that that prayer would be the beginning to a journey that would forever change my life. Things haven't improved, not until September 10, 1994. I prayed to ask Jesus to come into my heart twice on advice of a friend. I wasn't sure if He heard me. But that day was a miracle in itself. I didn't think I was well-liked or had many friends. But then, I realized who my real friends are. I am thankful that God showed me who they were that way. I really needed them then.

What I didn't realize was that I needed God. It was around 1:00 or so that afternoon and I went up to a friend's room. I knew that she was a born-again Christian and I started talking to her about all of my problems. I met two other girls, one of them was a freshmen at that time. I literally cried a river and poured out my heart. I was a lonely young woman. I knew it. Then she asked me if I believe that Jesus died for me and that if I believed that Jesus rose on the third day. I told her that I did. Then she mentioned the word "friends". It clicked. That was all I remember from that question. However, I have told her that I will get saved later on that I wanted to go somewhere. Her warning was to me that tomorrow was promised to no one. These were not her exact words, but that is what she meant. I am so glad that I did not hesitate. I prayed with her to receive Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I saw a mental picture of cherub-like angels on a blue background. It was a mental painting almost. Everything seemed different. Things were brighter. One of the girls remarked that I even looked different. God took my pain away. He had started me on a new journey. And for that I praise God. Life is better. I still have my share of problems, but all Christians have their share of problems. Christians will be persecuted for their faith. I went from barely reading the Bible from reading and studying the Bible daily. I prayed mostly in need, but I pray daily. I have changed. Within a year from that day, I transferred to a new school and graduated two years later. I have learned how to handle my problems better. Over time, I have grown to depend on God daily. I have become interested in different things. I have become a different person. I have become wiser, and I thank God for that.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Power and control

Turning things over to God can very well be difficult.  I am so used to want to fix things for myself because oftentimes I feel so powerless.  How ironic is that?  It is true, though.  Powerless is a feeling or is it purely based on reality?  I have learned that power is like a road.  Either you can have power or choose to take your power back or actually be and/or remain powerless.  Life is like a road sometimes because life is a journey of choices. 

I have failed to see that sometimes and tend to do things first then think of the consequences later.  That is not a good way to live.  In my case, it is because of a lack of exhibiting self-control.  Self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit and there is no law.  I believe that there is no law because it about living for God.  How can a person truly live for God without at least a modicum of self-control?  One who lacks self-control cannot be a good witness for God.

That is what I have wondered about.  How can I be a good witness for God if I have so much baggage it seems?  I am not so sure how much baggage I have, but it is enough to know that I am here to write that.  My weight has been a baggage because of the powerless issue.  It is not what one thinks.  It is the frustration about being powerless to do or change anything.  Being overweight is not the worst thing in the world.

It isn't the healthiest though.  I have enough health problems to make me feel bad about myself.  I ask myself how I allowed myself to gain so much weight over the years.  I also ask myself why I didn't take care of myself better.  Being fat doesn't suck, though society and the world at large will say so.  Society says that being fat is the worst thing that a person could be.  It is true that there are health issues that fat people have to deal with, but along with that there are some fat people who have low self-esteem.  The world is a cruel place to be anyone who doesn't fit society's standard of what is acceptable.

I hated that and I still do.  That is part of the baggage that I have been caring.  I wonder how people would view me sometimes because of my weight.  Will I ever find a date?  Do people really respect me or want to truly get to know me?  You see, I cared too much what others think.  This entry has helped me to realize that one should concentrate to fix what is on the inside as well as what they wish to change on the outside.  Notice I said WHAT THEY WISH, not the government, not the world at large, and not anyone else.  I realized that what makes someone powerless is to have your own power and control.  However, power and control are and should be in God's hands.  Once the power is in God's hands and realize that He has the control and power in Your life when one realize that is when we have power and control.  God guides us and gives us a sense of direction.  That is what I need right now.  This is something that I wish I could write.  Sometimes, in order for things to change, one has to do what seems hard.

Friday, November 8, 2013


I could not print out what I wished to print out, so I created a blog of what I wish to have printed out.
Yesterday and today were good days.  I just love Christmas.  It is my favorite holiday.  I admit that I seem to be skipping over Thanksgiving, but that is not the case.  I found myself being frustrated all the way around.

I have found myself gaining weight over the frustration about losing weight.  How ironic is that?  It seems as if life is filled with ironies, including mine.  I want to really lose weight.  I need, want, and desire to lose weight and be healthy. 

There is so much possibility in this world.  There is nothing like reality to cope with fantasy.  I lived in a fantasy world for so long, I didn't realize how sheltered I have been.  I needed a wake up call.  And this week and up to today, I had a time of wake up calls.

It is about frustration becoming an obsession almost.  It could have easily destroyed what I have worked for when it came to my weight.  Frustration is something that one should not have to deal with.  It is serious and I am serious.  Being too frustrated has not been kind to me and I doubt it will be kind to anyone else.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

My Thoughts on Gay Marriage

I do have a belief that homosexuality is a sin. However it seems that some people make it that homosexuality is a bigger sin than what straight people do. They are concerned that it would harm the concept of what marriage should be about so to speak. God died for the gay and bisexual just like He did us straight people. So why are people making it such a big issue?

While I believe marriage is between a man and a woman, why don't the anti-gay marriage people make a bigger enough deal about the number of straight people who don't take marriage seriously? There are those who commit adultery and fornication and do other things contrary to the word of God.

Are two lesbians getting married any worse or any more sinful than a straight couple who believe that marriage is more or less a piece of paper? A man or woman who commits adultery should not judge a gay person wanting to get married.

I don't think that two gay people wanting to get married and having the right to get married spells the end of Western Civilization as we know it. Shouldn't we as straight people take the motes out of our own eyes? Shouldn't we do a better job on how we ourselves view marriage before we judge two gay people who are willing to get married?

Even people who proposed a Constitutional Amendment banning gay marriage is wrong in my eyes. I don't think the government should determine who should or should not marry. I think the Constitution Amendment idea is a bad idea. Like I said, many of us straight people need to take the motes out of our own eyes for we too are sinners just like gay people.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

I admit this

I am guilty of this.  I sometimes forget Thanksgiving in favor of Christmas.  I am not proud of that.  It is futile to buy food for Thanksgiving and then seemingly forget about it about a day later.  It is not a holiday of food, but it is a holiday of thankfulness.  I am a person with as much to be thankful for as the rest.

I have a lot to be grateful about.  I just believe that we shouldn't just take time to just celebrate.  However, we should celebrate what we are to be thankful for.  That is what Thanksgiving should be all about.  It should be about honor and tradition, and family.  That is what all holidays seem to be about.

I just feel that way because holidays are on my mind.  There is nothing like having the holiday season on my mind.  It is a good feeling to have.  I am grateful for that.  I am mindful that many have lost their loved ones or their families.  I am one of those people.  I lost my father two weeks before Thanksgiving and it was hard.

I wonder even now how different it would be if he were around.  Sadly, I will never know.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

My thoughts about weight

I have had a lot to think and pray about today.  I have gained weight lately and I feel not so great about myself right now.  I realize however, that I care too much about what the world thinks of me.  I don't spend all day eating junk food.  I see myself as someone who is trying and not someone who is lazy.  I am relatively active and I am not selfish, dumb, or lack integrity.  My hygiene is not poor nor am I "low class" or other elitist stereotypes people have about fat people.  It is even sadder that some doctors and my own people adhere to those stereotypes.  A fat person can eat healthy foods and still have difficulty losing weight while a thin person can be a glutton.  That is the truth.  No need to explain that.  There is a prejudice against fat people, and not because they care about a fat person, but because they are more concerned about fat people and seemingly so, more so than the fat person themselves.  This is wrong and ungodly in my opinion. 

Ironically, I want to lose weight, but for myself.  I don't fit any stereotypes of fat people at all, but the world have their views, but God has His, and for that, I am thankful.  The world isn't a friend to any of us so why conform to it?  I wish to continue to conform to God's standard of beauty and about health.  The epidemic against obesity should be about fitness, health, and overall well-being, no matter if one is overweight or not, obese or skinny.  I can't help but wonder if some people in the Church are like the world in that they too have a prejudice against being fat.  That is a shame if true.  It is up to the overweight person who wishes to lose weight to do so for themselves and for their health.  It should never be up to the government or anyone else.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Music and nostalgia

I have put up music videos for the past few days because I feel like music is a great healer.  I am not sure what I should muse about today.  I felt like I have to muse about music.  I feel like being prayerful or just going back in time.  Things seem simpler, but are they really?  Well, there are few things like nostalgia.  I admit that sometimes with nostalgia comes a blindness to all of the bad times.  With all of the music, the movies, and the magical days, was the bad times.  I was bullied while I was in school, so not everything was so great.  Despite all of that, I do miss the "good old days".  However, what do I know about the "good old days"?  I am not an older woman.  Maybe age is just a number.  Maybe I am reading too much into the times and to the music of the times.  Right now, as I am typing this, maybe I am starting to feel old.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

The Prayer

No matter what version, "The Prayer" is a beautiful song.