Rant about my obsession
I am not sure if this where this thread would go under but here it goes. I have an obsession with a famous actor who is now in his 60s and I have come to realize that my obsession with him is taking time away from doing other things. I need to treat it like an obsessive thought since I feel guilt ridden about having all of these thoughts and acting on them. I google his name and his images. I search for youtube videos for him. I save and "like" his pictures on facebook. I posted them up on forums. I even signed up for his twitter account. I am obsessed with this guy and I realize that it is a form of idolatry, or is it? Anyways, I have chosen to no longer go on facebook and "like" any of his images, watch his films, erase all searches and youtube videos on my channel featuring him. I no longer follow him on twitter or look at images in facebook clubs dedicated to him. It has gotten worse over time and I realize that I need to get a grip on myself. I realize that it may take time as far as having thoughts about him and I still do have thoughts about him. Is it an example of temptation at work? How do I further pray about this situation? Prayer works. I hope I can say that I have repented of this obsession. It has gotten so bad that I even had sexual thoughts about this guy. I needed to get a handle on it.
But today I had a few lightbulb moments which included the fact that I need to get over this person, who is a person after all. I prayed for him and I hope that he gets saved. He is a celebrity whose name I finally mentioned to God and on this forum. I wish I could just be a fan and admire his work, but it has gotten deeper than that. I have had obsessions with others in the past and one in particular. I wonder if having obsessions over people are a sign of OCD, bipolar, or something else. I feel so much better and I am more hopeful than ever about this. I am not proud of being obsessed and I feel like that there are some larger issues at work. I live an isolated existence and I have no social life to speak of. I asked God to open doors for me, but where do I begin?
I am not currently in a relationship and I have noticed that much of my obsession comes from being single and wondering what it will be like to be in a relationship. Much of my obsessions that are bothersome are about the male v female dynamic. My obsessions are things that I have allowed to take a life of their own. I have to no longer feed the obsession by no longer ruminating over this actor who was handsome when he was young. He looks different but still has an attractiveness about him, but the fact of the matter is, the chances of meeting him in person are slim to none. How would I react if I met him? Why would that matter?
At the end of the day I realize that there are certain questions that will never be answered and I have to deal with that. I have not really been diagnosed as having OCD but I can relate to those who have gotten a definite diagnosis. If I can see Justin Beiber as a person who is rich and famous and doing his job, then I can see the person I am obsessing with as another human being to not worship, but to see that he is incredibly flawed just like the rest of us.