Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Reflection on mood swings and being anxious (specifically)

I often feel down when things get hard.  It is easy to give up.  There are times when lately I wish to give up.  However, I realize that I don't know my own strength.  I am ever hopeful.  However, I wear my "heart" on my "sleeve".  I don't smile.  I am not happy.  I don't always show that I am confident that the bipolar and the obsessive thoughts and compulsions will end.  I wonder if there is something spiritual behind it.  While I believe there is a spiritual component, it is also mental and physical. I don't like to use that word, but it is not only complex, it is also complicated.  Sometimes, if not all of the time, things that are complicated are hard to explain.  Excuses and reasons are difficult to explain. I have accepted the fact that I am an obsessive compulsive disorder sufferer and yes, I am suffering who will never know why I have this issue.  I have never accepted and probably will never fully accept the suffering.  How do I count it all joy?  How do I really deal with this?  Is this the trial and tribulation that I should not be surprised by?  Those are the questions that I realize I wish that I could answer.
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