That is a question that I need to continually ask myself. The truth is, I don't know. The fact that I need to lose weight has been a struggle. I have been told I need to lose weight. I am trying to lose weight, but I thought of something this morning: Am I ready? Am I really ready to lose weight? Do I have that desire to lose weight and keep it off? Am I content with being overweight?
Those are the questions that I have yet to answer myself. I did all of the wrong things to lose weight. Ironically, I have done many of the right things. I am starting to apply myself. Maybe I am seeing things from the wrong perspective. That is why I haven't been ready.
Well starting today, I have been ready. I am ready to lose the weight and keep it off. I am overweight; I am truly self-conscious. I have a hard time doing things others who are a healthier weight do. I had difficulty putting on my socks this morning. However, I can still tie my shoes which is a relief. I also was concerned about how my clothes fit. I am okay since I am wearing looser clothes which says something about my comfort level with my weight.
I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and I wasn't as self-conscious as I am now. I weigh over 300 lbs and I want to start off slow. I wish that I could lose weight fast, but losing weight fast is very difficult for me, not to mention not a healthy thing. I now have diabetes, high blood sugar, and also high cholesterol. That is not a good combination as I am a 30-something woman who takes a large amount of pills per day. I guess I am wrong because people of all ages takes medication for whatever condition that they have. I am also self-conscious about the amount of medication that I take.
I tend to also eat mindlessly and binge. I am not sure if I have a major issue, but it is an issue nevertheless. I want to lose weight and I want to be healthy. I am not a healthy young woman right now and I want to be healthier. I remember a time when I wasn't diabetic and having to make appointments to several specialists including a nutritionist and an endocrinologist. I have wondered that if I wasn't overweight would I have developed PCOS. In other words, does obesity cause PCOS or does PCOS cause obesity. I do not eat according to the symptoms that I have.
My diet is not healthy but I am trying to work on it. I know about a lot of things but I have had difficulty applying what I have learned to my own life. I have spent a long time making meal plans, budgeting, making grocery lists, and reading up on PCOS. I have learned to respect myself and hold myself accountable. I have all of the healthy foods in the house but I am the only one who eats them much of the time. I have quite a few issues with food and I would like to change those habits.
I realize that I have a strong desire to lose weight and keep it off. I have a set goal in mind. I would like to lose about 100 lbs. I would like myself more if I were to lose weight is a flawed mindset. I would like to like myself no matter what size. I am self-conscious, yes, but I have learned that joy and happiness should never be determined by a scale number. Joy and happiness doesn't see size and neither does self-confidence. I admire those women who are larger or curvier who have it together and don't seem to be self-conscience. I want that for myself.
I would also like to limit the number of medications that I take throughout the day. I would also like to fit into clothing that I haven't worn in years. My desire is not to weigh more than I do because of my health issues. I know that weight loss is a difficult journey, but does it have to be difficult? Can I get out of a weight loss plateau without feeling like giving up? I have every reason to want to eat healthy and move a muscle, sort of speak. Diet is such a limiting term and so does exercise. Exercise is a chore and not something that I would like to do. More than anything, I would like to have my mind renewed and to not let frustrations get to me.
That is what happened. I overate to the point where I have gained nearly all of my weight back and now I have to start all over again. I felt like the plateau I was in was frustrating when in fact, I was doing something right. I wish that I thought of that before. Why didn't I think of that? Oh well, there is no use crying over spilled milk. I have now to think about and a future where I can visualize a healthier person. Losing weight is more than well worth it, it is a journey just like life. I wish myself luck on this journey and now I know why I desire to lose and why I know what I need to do.