Saturday, May 24, 2014

Having bipolar disorder

Being bipolar can be quite a difficult thing to handle.  I have been diagnose 20 years ago and some days are better than others.  However, showing a lack of focus is a tough thing to deal with, especially right now.  I sometimes have a hard time concentrating, which I have to really overcome.  I recall as a student in college studying physics, I had to take difficult test after test, yet I look back and realize that if only I could concentrate, then it would have been easier.  It doesn't help that I had to take medication and falling asleep in class while sitting in the front role is quite embarrassing.  The medication leveled off my moods, but they put me to sleep.  At least it was better than walking out of class, which I did when I was first diagnosed.

 It was a difficult time when I was diagnosed as I had suicidal thoughts and things went downhill.  It was an all of a sudden thing.  Everything was well, yet when I turned 19, everything seemed to go downhill.  Socially and in other areas, I began to suffer.  My grades have slipped and I began to do things I wasn't proud of.  I even thought about actually taking my own life.  I cannot believe how far I have come as I am typing this.  Thanks be to God, I am no longer suicidal or having suicidal thoughts and things have improved, including my grades. There was a range of emotions I was going through as I had to look back and deal with the sudden onset and the fact that it had an effect on my life.  All I can say is that I didn't do anything so messed to the point where there was greater suffering and for that, I am thankful.
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