Oh yes, I remember what to write about. It is about my life as a Christian who have OCD. It is time that I make no more excuses for sinful behavior such as gluttony. I sometimes hate the phrase "failure is not an option", but at other times I like it. No one wants to fail, but the reality is, as flawed human beings, we do so. As I am typing this right now, someone has failed at something. Such is life.
I have been a Christian for a while now and the truth is, I don't know when was the last time I can safely say I became a believer in Christ. I have been having doubts about being a believer for many years now. I know that nothing can separate believers from God's love, but sometimes I feel that way. I even have doubts concerning my doubts. Maybe it is the OCD. I have been diagnosed as having OCD for a number of years now and needless to say, some days have been better than others.
I have been doubtful and obsessed about a number of things, namely infidelity, religion, and race and racism. I wasn't so sure how others would react to my having OCD. It is not an easy condition to have. There is so much guilt and doubt. I can relate to the guilt not only as an OCD sufferer, but also as a Christian. I scrutinize every area of my life to see if even this is obsessive. I do tend to check on things by reading stories, asking people questions, and prayer.
As a believer in Christ, I am supposed to know that I am a believer because I am to walk in faith and know God's voice. How come it is much harder for me to walk in faith whenever I am "clouded" by doubt. I recall James 1 that doubters are unstable in all of their ways. Do I doubt God's salvation and therefore I am not a believer? What is wrong with me? I wish I knew.