Thursday, November 12, 2015

How I'm really feeling at the moment

I don't feel good about my body, especially my stomach.  I have great admiration and respect for those women who are like myself who truly love and respect themselves.  I have had issues with low self esteem for years and part of it stems from poor body image.  I am great at putting my body down and trying to build myself up.  I confess that I often look at pictures of women who are slender, toned, usually taller women and I find them attractive.  I can see why guys would find them attractive.  I am a shorter, heavier body type with a large belly.  Some of it is my fault so I feel like I have done a good job punishing myself.  On the other hand, I feel bad for feeling bad about myself. Life is just a cycle to me.  My thoughts tend to cycle, and so does my weight.  One minute I am a lighter and can move around better.  The next minute I feel bad about my myself and my lack of accomplishment and I just give up.  That has been an issue that I have had for a long long time now and breaking the cycle is the answer.  My mind tends to loop and I have been having the same issues over and over and over again.  There comes a time when things get too tiresome.  This is one of those moments.  I am just under 5'2" tall and weigh over 300 lbs.  For years I have wondered what it would have been like to look like in high school (1992).
 175 lbs.

 (1992-1993) 180 lbs.

to now, 2015 ~ 300 lbs.

I have been having these unrealistic thoughts for a long time now and it wasn't until today that I realized that the dizziness also may have something to do with what is wrong with me.  It is time for me to take action and stay in action.  I realize that I am not sure where to begin however.  I just don't like the way I look.  I just have a hard time believing anything positive about my appearance.  I have tried but I am also concerned if even this is a good enough reason to lose weight.

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