Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Staying stuck in the past

I have having issues with the past.  I have been laughed at, called names, and generally made fun of. I also cared what people thought.  It didn't help that not only was I overweight but I was self-conscious and overweight.  The truth is, I am not being laughed at, called names, or made fun of.  Life can be a struggle for me but I realize it has been my thoughts all along.  I was the one who was bullied and had low self-esteem.  The thing is I was unforgiving, resentful, sad, and stuck in the past.  The truth is, there is nothing I can do about it.  I have had thoughts about being among the bullied and made fun of.  I found myself alone and unpopular.  Because of this, I still found myself self-conscious and unhappy.  The problem really became my thoughts of only negative memories instead of what happened really in my life.  I struggled with a mindset that only saw the negative instead of the positive and realistic.  I thought that others hated me and it had an effect on me.  There has been much self-talk over the years and it has been at best depressing.  I was the most hated person there was.  I didn't see myself the way God saw and still sees me.  That is what happened to me. Nowadays I can do something about.  I was the one people downed and laughed at, but I realize that I that I don't have to stay that way and for that, I am thankful.
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