I wonder though

I no longer have the doubts about being saved but I still wonder however.  I have no idea when I first became truly saved.  My guess is that I was first saved 20 years ago.  I followed and requested information from false prophets and teachers.  I wonder if that has something also to do with what I did earlier.  If I were truly saved then why this issue.  I was ruled by fear and I still am.  I have grown tired of getting my feelings hurt.  I have low self-esteem and I am self-conscious.  There are times when I feel like I was unworthy of God's love.  Maybe because of some things I didn't realize was wrong I fail to read the cues from other people.  Sometimes I feel lonely in this world.  I am tired of feeling like I am alone and walking on eggshells.  I don't know what to do and it is frustrating.  But no one has ever said that life is fair.