Friday, August 22, 2014
I wonder now about my thoughts. I realize that they are going to come and come back sometimes. The coming back part is the most annoying. That means that I would have to work hard at just "feeling the anxiety" and "letting the thoughts pass". In short, let the scenario, no matter how troublesome, play out. That was it has been like for the past few days and weeks. I long for the day when an obsessive thought doesn't come back or I am reminded of a thought somehow. The best thing to realize is to see the thought for what it truly is. It is a thought that is in MY mind and that I have to remind myself of the nature of the thoughts, which is they are not important to me, they have no meaning or value, and they won't change anything. I have spent years fighting these thoughts and praying these thoughts away. I tried everything I could to make sure I live a rather "safe" life only to realize that I have not been free of these thoughts, even if it seems that way temporarily. Life has many bad things and many people do bad things. I can not control the rest of the world, save the world, or create differing scenarios. That is something that I have to live with plus all of the uncertainty that comes with it.