Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Having OCD

It is rough having OCD.  It is even tougher to embrace it.  I never thought that acceptance and embrace would be so tough.  I have had bouts of OCD for many years but it seems to have gotten worse in the last few years.  Ever since then, I felt like the anxiety helped to take a toll on my health.  I just feel like "hitting a brick wall" sometimes because it is so difficult.  Having a mental illness is tough altogether.  I have written about the anatomy of an OCD thought and it was eye-opening.  I can say that right now I feel great.  My obsessive thoughts have all but gone and it is now easier to move on and move forward.

I was/am so obsessed with wanting to get better that I asked God for healing.  I needed the strength to move forward and to move on because I didn't think that I could do it.  But I did it.  I have been having crushes on men for a long time and I wonder if a relationship would be the cure-all for that problem.  I spend a lot of time alone and I tend to ruminate over other people.  It has gotten to the point where I even thought that I had a worship issue, but not with the Lord.  It was on other celebrities like Sly Stallone, and Mickey Rourke, and George Clooney.  It is all vanity.  It is all temporary.  Eternity is real and forever.  Jesus will come quickly, but I wish I knew how soon.  I want my life to having meaning.  I want to be a stronger person, which is interestingly enough, how I feel.

I have likened the OCD thoughts to urban legends.  Like urban legends, they are expanded stories that are usually not proven true.  Yes, urban legends can be true but that is not the point.  The point is OCD focuses on the worst case scenario in a situation.  It is as if OCD has the power to influence my thinking which I should not allow it to.  I have had great insight into what is going on that I wish I knew how to overcome it.  Focusing on God and the eternal is what I hope to continue to focus on.
Post a Comment