Monday, February 17, 2014

My new outlook

Today I have an outlook that I never thought that I had.  I think it is important to start off small because I want to actually finish my project.  My project at the moment is losing weight.  I have issues with finishing a project because the task seems so overwhelming.  I want to lose the weight and keep it off.  I want to be fit and healthy.  I want to fit into a smaller wardrobe.  I, like no one I know, like clothes that are too tight-fitting.  It is quite embarrassing and humiliating.  I am thankful that I have a nice wardrobe, but I want a more expanded wardrobe.  It is unfair that larger women don't have as much to choose from compared to smaller women.  We even have to pay more.  I would like to be comfortable, healthy, fit, and be able to see and feel the benefits of losing weight.  Ironically I realize that it wasn't my weight that was THE root of my issues, it was me.  I get so overwhelmed because I am not a patient person and I fear that I will never reach my goal.  I would like to prove myself wrong and not worry about what the negative voices in my head says.  It doesn't feel good that I compare myself to other women who are smaller.  The root is from being self-conscious about gaining so much weight over the years.  The truth is, I want to lose weight and be leaner, but I would like to lose weight because of the "bonuses" of losing weight.
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