Thursday, February 20, 2014
Frustration stems from fear
I have been fearsome most of my life. I just don't fear what bad thing will happen to me today. I am just scared. I am scared of my eternal destiny which is understandable. I am scared of my own reflection sometimes late at night. I am scared of what will happen during a confrontation. I am scared of what will happen if my health doesn't improve. I am scared of who I love dying. I am just afraid that something bad will happen, period. I am most afraid that my circumstances will never change no matter how hard I try. This is what leads to frustration. For years, the frustration was due to a lack of patience. Little did I know that it was stemming from fear. I wanted to finish a project because of fear. I fear watching a tv show because of fear. Fear has ruled my life and I realize that it has not been good for me or my health. My independence...I have little idea of how to be independent and think for myself. I have been in fear of hurting others, yet most of them cared nothing about me. It is a lonely experience being fearful and alone. I need help and it seems so hopeless. There are times when I am scared of my own shadow.