Thursday, February 20, 2014

Frustration stems from fear

I have been fearsome most of my life.  I just don't fear what bad thing will happen to me today.  I am just scared.  I am scared of my eternal destiny which is understandable.  I am scared of my own reflection sometimes late at night.  I am scared of what will happen during a confrontation.  I am scared of what will happen if my health doesn't improve.  I am scared of who I love dying.  I am just afraid that something bad will happen, period.  I am most afraid that my circumstances will never change no matter how hard I try. This is what leads to frustration.  For years, the frustration was due to a lack of patience.  Little did I know that it was stemming from fear.  I wanted to finish a project because of fear.  I fear watching a tv show because of fear.  Fear has ruled my life and I realize that it has not been good for me or my health.  My independence...I have little idea of how to be independent and think for myself.  I have been in fear of hurting others, yet most of them cared nothing about me.  It is a lonely experience being fearful and alone.  I need help and it seems so hopeless.  There are times when I am scared of my own shadow.
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