I have obsessive thoughts about a celebrity and everyone and everything connected with it. I am currently seeing a therapist for it. I also take medication and while it helps with the obsessions, it does little to help with the compulsions. I even began to hate one of the people involved in my obsession for what she did to him. She wrote a book about him and supposedly did other horrible things, but he loved her nevertheless. She supposedly knew what buttons to push. Here is the problem: I don't know how much of the book or the pushing buttons is true. In reality I don't care, but reality says one thing. The thoughts say to hate this person and to obsess about the one I care about. It is silly and it makes no sense, but that is what has been going on in this brain of mine. Everyday is an uphill battle.
Is it important? It is only important to me if I allow it to me.
Does it mean anything? In the grand scheme of things, no it doesn't.
Will it change things? No, it won't.
I have to constantly ask these questions which have been helpful but even those questions can be draining. I wonder if all of this is part of a spiritual battle. I have noticed that even with the thoughts about infidelity I have drawn closer to God. I have had thoughts about infidelity and obsessions about people since I could remember. Hearing about a woman, watching a sex scene, reading, or watching an adulterous woman bothers me. Why, I don't know?
I think that all of us have committed spiritual infidelity. I have myself because I haven't always been faithful to God. I have learned to avoid anything dealing with infidelity but it can be hard. I hate the idea of avoidance because my world has gotten smaller and smaller and smaller. Maybe I need to take steps to make the world a bigger place.
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