Caring what others believe and being honest

I hope that I am an honest, truthful person.  The truth of the matter is, I am not the most honest person there is.  Ironically I am being honest because I have admitted this.  I repent of this.  I have spent my life caring what others think for so long I have even said that at one time, I had to lie to be believed. It is sick and it is sad.  I didn't have to lie to be believed.  I didn't have to lie period.  There is nothing greater than being honest.  Honest people are trustworthy people who are respected for that reason.  I am more trustworthy and I earned of others.  But have I ?  Have I really?  I feel like even one mistake would cause one to be untrustworthy.  I had to earn the respect of others.  The past is something that is either ironically a blessing or the past has also been a curse because of a personal flaw.  I have learned to be an honest person, but I am not sure that even at my age, I have earned the respect of some.  I wonder now if there is a difference between earning the respect of others or outright giving my life to others because I care so much of others think.  It is a rough and sad way to live.  I realize that that is what wrong with me.  I have been stressed about this for a while now.  Now I believe that honesty is the best policy not only to the human, but also to God.