Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Do not give up

For the past few days, I have given up on myself and I have given up on my quest to lose weight. Strangely enough, that I why I am here to write that I just couldn't take it anymore.  I have been frustrated for such a long time.  The truth is, my heart was probably not into it.  What is scary is that it never was, but I don't think it is true.  I have had periods where I had to question myself.  I just feel so alone in this one.  I would like to go back and change quite a few things.  I could pinch myself sometimes.  I realize that hard work and struggle are things that I don't do very well, so giving up seemed so easy.  In the past few days I ate a lot, and stopped taking my medication.  I exist, but felt as if I didn't exist.  There was a part of me that is surprised that I was so cognizant during that period. I didn't hate myself but I didn't like myself either.  I prayed about it last night because I have grown tired.  The answer was due to a miracle.  God loves me and despite my flaws, I have no need to feel bad about myself.  Giving up is the worst thing I could do.

God, teach me to deal with frustration and may I not quit.  Help me to grow from this experience.  I thank You from the bottom of my heart.  Sadly those thanks are not enough for all that has happened. I am more than motivated than ever to be healthy.  I realize that though I have learned a lot, there were things that I have not known until last night.  Thank You for the wisdom that You have given me.  Thank You for Your love, guidance, and peace of mind.  I am appreciative of all of those things and then some.  Thank You.  In Jesus' name,  Amen.
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