My life now and my future

What have I done with myself?  All I know is that complacency might as well be my middle name.  I realize that over the years, I wish to explore.  I am here to write that it is a good thing to explore.  It helps us to grow as humans.  I have yet to continue to explore, therefore I haven't felt so great about myself.  I haven't lived up the expectations that I have set up for myself.  I wanted live like everyone else and be like everyone else.  I wanted that car, that purpose, and that clear plan for myself.  Now I have to admit I have no plans for myself and that is ironically not the scariest place.  What is scary is that I have not lived up to a standard that I should I have lived up to and it is not just my own standards, but God's standard.  I always seem to complain.  I live in a fantasy world.  The real world is a scary place, I guess.  But what do I know?  When was the last time I lived it?