My Autobiography, Part 1 ( at least a part of it)

I am a person who loves life but has yet to live it.  I feel like I have been held back.  It is as if the world has passed me by.  Maybe it has and now I have to look in the mirror.  I am a part of the world but I have to make my own path.  This world is made just for me.  Time waits for no one.  I feel like at times I have no time.  I am at an age where I think I'm young, and want to be young.  I cannot go back to my teens, 20s, and 30s.  I am a woman over 40 and have been that way for only a few months.  I wish I had learned a lot more back then than I do now.  Maybe now at 41, I wouldn't feel like I did at 31.

I know that life is really what one makes of it.  I have made myself and my life miserable.  I feel like I have lived a miserable existence.  I have often felt that there is nothing I can really do about it outside of the outside help.  Happiness I guess does come from within.  I have not been happy for a long time now. The truth is, I have allowed health problems to hold me back.  I am an obese diabetic who fills her days fighting anxiety and mood swings.  I know exactly how I got there and the reason is often mindlessness.