God's timing is everything

I have been feeling down lately.  I believe that it is because of my lack of patience.  I tried to be strong but now I wonder if I were lying to myself.  I was praying for a miracle and I didn't get that miracle.  Every time I feel like things were going down, something happens.  What just so happens is that whenever I pray that prayer for a miracle, a song that plays in my head reminds me that God will arrive on time.  The song is even playing in my mind now.  In those times, I realize that scripture, prayer, and song will be the tools to strengthen my faith.  According to the song, God doesn't on our time.  We operate on his time.  I now realize that that is something that I something I need to remember.  A day is as a thousand years and a thousand years is as a day.  I do believe that sometimes it speaks of God whenever we pray or do something else.  That is what time means to God, who is the Diety of the Universe.  His time is rather hard to understand, but upon close inspection, we will not have to worry, for He knows what to do and how to do things.  I also realize that praise is something else I need to be doing.  Praise goes up, while blessing come down.

Psalm 111

Praise the Lord.
I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart, in the company of the upright, in the congregation.
Great are the works of the Lord, studied by all who have pleasure in them.
Full of honor and majesty is his work, and his righteousness endures for ever.
He has caused his wonderful works to be remembered; the Lord is gracious and merciful.
He provides food for those who fear him; he is ever mindful of his covenant.
He has shown his people the power of his works, in giving them the heritage of the nations.
The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy,
they are established for ever and ever, to be performed with faithfulness and uprightness.
He sent redemption to his people; he has commanded his covenant for ever. Holy and terrible is his name!
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom;
a good understanding have all those who practice it. His praise endures for ever!

A change in me

I realize that something was wrong with me.  I was down and depressed lately.  That is or was why I lost the desire to lose weight and get healthy.  I never weighed the options.  As a matter of fact, I know I need to lose weight.  I was truthfully not in denial about my weight.  However, I am a person who is not healthy.  These past few days have taught me much about my health and myself.  I need to have that desire back.  I am depressed and therefore I began to grow tired.  There is nothing like change and being a changed person.  I have been fixated on my weight for many years.  I have also been self-conscious and I know I need to change.  I tire and continue to tire.  I have come to realize that it is only the beginning.  I don't want for the pain in my feet to worsen.  I don't want my diabetes symptoms to worsen.  I need to know that all things are possible and I am confident that I can change.

I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman by Britney Spears

I used to think
I had the answers to everything,
But now I know
Life doesn't always go my way, yeah...
Feels like I'm caught in the middle
That's when I realize...

[Chorus:]
I'm not a girl,
Not yet a woman.
All I need is time,
A moment that is mine,
While I'm in between.

[Verse 2]
I'm not a girl,
There is no need to protect me.
It's time that I
Learn to face up to this on my own.
I've seen so much more than you know now,
So don't tell me to shut my eyes.

[Chorus]

I'm not a girl,
But if you look at me closely,
You will see it in my eyes.
This girl will always find
Her way.

I'm not a girl
(I'm not a girl don't tell me what to believe).
Not Yet a woman
(I'm just trying to find the woman in me, yeah).
All I need is time (All I need),
A moment that is mine (That is mine),
While I'm in between.

I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman (not now)
All I need is time (All I need),
A moment that is mine,
While I'm in between.

I'm not a girl,
Not yet a woman.

The world of insanity, yet I am normal

I'm not crazy its the rest of the world that's insane.  There are times when I feel like that.  I wonder if that is how it will be once the verdict in Ferguson is read.  What will happen?  Will it go mad?  Will life ever return to normal?  In the grand scheme of things, life goes on and there may be another Ferguson.  Scary, isn't it?

Right now, I am finally watching one thing while watching the grand jury verdict.  The thing is IMO, the verdict could go either way.  Who knows?  To say that I don't care would be harsh.  I do care.  I do feel.  Right now, I am just in my own little zone.  But man, Sly Stallone was fine in Rocky IV.

Sorry I had to interject, but being bipolar sometimes I wonder if I am really normal.  Moods change all of the time, but I do wonder that mine can change from one mood to the next and one personality to the next.  I sometimes feel happy one minute, sad the next minute, and also feel nothing for a while.  Man, Sly Stallone was fine driving, reflecting on his life as Rocky Balboa.

Sometimes it is good to live in an insane world.  It is me that is normal.  I guess that is what is means to live in a crazy world.

Modern Music, Aaliyah (RIP), and being 40

Lately I have been listening to various artists from the 90s.  While I was a child of the 80s, I will not neglect listening to music of the 90s.  To me, the movies were better in the 80s and the music was just as good in the 90s.  I think that as a 40 year old woman who has embraced her age, I can wax nostalgic about what to listen to.  I know of some of today's artist like Ariana Grande, Iggy, Nicki Minaj, and Drake.  However, I prefer to listen to stuff that may be actually be older than they are.

Last weekend I was watching the controversial Aaliyah (RIP) movie.  It wasn't a disgraceful film or an insult to her like so many others thought, but it is a rather boring movie that I would not recommend.  If I were a critic, I would not rate it very high.  The acting was good, but that is it.  I am not sure if the makers of this TV movie should be ashamed, but the film could have been better.  I doesn't help that her family did not approve of the film.  It doesn't help that many of the actors look nothing like the people they portray.  However, for people younger than 12, I do recommend her music and her movies.  My favorite song from her is "If Your Girl Only Knew". What is so tragic is that she died so young and had so much to offer.  I am almost twice her age and I wonder now what could have been.

I am blessed to be at the age I am.  I am young, but all grown up, if that makes sense.  I do wonder however if life truly begins at my age.  Ironically we live in a society where life supposedly begins at 40 while some don't have a clue that life begins at conception.  Sometimes I wonder about the ironies of life.  I know that I am changing the subject, but the world seems to have changed and still change, for better or worse.  I guess that would include the musical landscape where things and the musical tastes of most of us seems to have changed.  I guess that I am not immune.

"Hadiyyah"

Hadiyya means a gift.  It is of Arabic origin; the song is Ethiopian of course.  I find Ethiopia a rather fascinating nation.  I wish I had known more.