This beautiful is a reminder that my life can be inspired by a song. I prayed about my life and what I needed for You. I thank You for I see what I am in truly in need of. I have been obsessed with losing weight, but being on Weight Watchers has done much to expose what has really gotten wrong with me. I find myself being compared (by me, of course) to other people. I even found myself looking in the mirror at times more so than I once did. Now that I finally realize that I truly have an obsession, how do I overcome decades long issues with issues of love for self, weight loss, health, and guilt. I want to be considered attractive by a man and get married and have children. I have trouble seeing myself in a positive light as I have often felt guilty about gaining weight over the years. For a long time, I have had a set time or a set number of calories, rules and regulations, and weight number. I knew that something wasn't right, but it has finally taken until tonight to confirm what I already knew.
Not only do I need to get healthy by losing weight, I need to love and respect myself. I have struggled to do that, for I have been self-conscious about my weight and my appearance. I found myself being fun of and feeling that I wasn't well liked. I have lately had moments of when food became a compulsion and a relief from the cares of my life, which included a lack of awareness of true hunger, compulsion and anxiety, and caring so much about what other thought. I just stopped caring. I wanted to lose the extra weight, but whenever things went bad, I purchased candy, cakes, cookies, soda, and chips. I was fooling myself into thinking that I am a young woman who can still eat anything that I wanted without consequence. Well, that turned out to be a lie.
I am a clinically obese pcos sufferer with diabetes, emotional issues, and anxiety and have remained so for the last ten years and that is another root of why I feel like I am in a hurry to lose weight. Another reason is that I am over 40. I know that it will take a while longer to lose weight after that age, but deep down, there is this correlation that I missed out. I also realized that because I thought I missed out. I was thin, desired by men, never been kissed, never been married with children, and never going to the beach in a bikini before 40, I have missed out. I am going through a midlife crisis I guess.
I need help. How do I overcome this? Maybe it is not I who has to do it, for Your Word says that you do the work. I thank You that it finally took this day to see that I have a problem. I also thank You for forgiveness of sin, for I ask for forgiveness of my sins. I also thank You in advance for Your answer or answers to my prayer.
In Jesus' name,