Happy Veterans Day Tribute

I would today like to wish a Happy Veterans' Day to all of those who have served our country.  So many of them gave of their lives and they should be greatly appreciated.  However, despite the fact that they should be thanked and that they should have a day set aside for them, everyday should be a day when we thank our veterans.  They have fought valiantly and I, for one, will not forget their service to this country.

My testimony and an interest of mine

I would like to stop being bored.  I realize that if I were to list everything about my life, I would have no reason to be bored.  I am thankful for what I have.  I would like to go on an expedition riding horses.  I would also like to travel the world.I know nothing about expeditions, but I would like to travel the world.  As a matter of fact, I would like to be a missionary and serve the Lord.  I have thought about this, but I was wondering if that is what God wanted me to do.  I am grateful that I have come a mighty long way, though I don't always see it.

Here is my testimony:
Hello, I have been writing a testimony about my life. I first became born again in 1994. It has been an interesting journey. I thanked God and still do, thank Him for saving me. My life has had many ups and downs. My testimony will be like many Christians who have been diagnosed with an emotional disorder.

I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder on February 19, 1994. I was at first diagnosed with depression because of what has been going on with me. Within a week or two, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was actually relieved. For a long time, I felt like I was going crazy. I had suicidal thoughts almost on a daily basis. My personality changed with my moods. My relationships with others suffered. My grades went down. I would walk out of class and oftentimes, I wouldn't make even show up for class. Not long before, I had never walked out of class unless there was an excuse such as a medical emergency. My grades were decent-I was on the honor roll. I graduated in the top 5 of my high school class. I was a happy 18-year old who enjoyed going to college. Life was good. However, I didn't know that depression during those days would be a precursor to my worst year ever.

Life became a total wreck. By this time, people began to turn on me. I have thought of elaborate ways that I wanted to die. I had a rough time dealing with what was going on around me. I began to obsess about a particular guy that I got along with. All of a sudden, a little crush turned into an obsession. I made a fool out of myself. The worst part of it was that others knew as well. Everything seemed negative. I did care about what others think. But then, I started praying a long prayer to God. What I didn't realize is that that prayer would be the beginning to a journey that would forever change my life. Things haven't improved, not until September 10, 1994. I prayed to ask Jesus to come into my heart twice on advice of a friend. I wasn't sure if He heard me. But that day was a miracle in itself. I didn't think I was well-liked or had many friends. But then, I realized who my real friends are. I am thankful that God showed me who they were that way. I really needed them then.

What I didn't realize was that I needed God. It was around 1:00 or so that afternoon and I went up to a friend's room. I knew that she was a born-again Christian and I started talking to her about all of my problems. I met two other girls, one of them was a freshmen at that time. I literally cried a river and poured out my heart. I was a lonely young woman. I knew it. Then she asked me if I believe that Jesus died for me and that if I believed that Jesus rose on the third day. I told her that I did. Then she mentioned the word "friends". It clicked. That was all I remember from that question. However, I have told her that I will get saved later on that I wanted to go somewhere. Her warning was to me that tomorrow was promised to no one. These were not her exact words, but that is what she meant. I am so glad that I did not hesitate. I prayed with her to receive Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I saw a mental picture of cherub-like angels on a blue background. It was a mental painting almost. Everything seemed different. Things were brighter. One of the girls remarked that I even looked different. God took my pain away. He had started me on a new journey. And for that I praise God. Life is better. I still have my share of problems, but all Christians have their share of problems. Christians will be persecuted for their faith. I went from barely reading the Bible from reading and studying the Bible daily. I prayed mostly in need, but I pray daily. I have changed. Within a year from that day, I transferred to a new school and graduated two years later. I have learned how to handle my problems better. Over time, I have grown to depend on God daily. I have become interested in different things. I have become a different person. I have become wiser, and I thank God for that.

Power and control

Turning things over to God can very well be difficult.  I am so used to want to fix things for myself because oftentimes I feel so powerless.  How ironic is that?  It is true, though.  Powerless is a feeling or is it purely based on reality?  I have learned that power is like a road.  Either you can have power or choose to take your power back or actually be and/or remain powerless.  Life is like a road sometimes because life is a journey of choices. 

I have failed to see that sometimes and tend to do things first then think of the consequences later.  That is not a good way to live.  In my case, it is because of a lack of exhibiting self-control.  Self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit and there is no law.  I believe that there is no law because it about living for God.  How can a person truly live for God without at least a modicum of self-control?  One who lacks self-control cannot be a good witness for God.

That is what I have wondered about.  How can I be a good witness for God if I have so much baggage it seems?  I am not so sure how much baggage I have, but it is enough to know that I am here to write that.  My weight has been a baggage because of the powerless issue.  It is not what one thinks.  It is the frustration about being powerless to do or change anything.  Being overweight is not the worst thing in the world.

It isn't the healthiest though.  I have enough health problems to make me feel bad about myself.  I ask myself how I allowed myself to gain so much weight over the years.  I also ask myself why I didn't take care of myself better.  Being fat doesn't suck, though society and the world at large will say so.  Society says that being fat is the worst thing that a person could be.  It is true that there are health issues that fat people have to deal with, but along with that there are some fat people who have low self-esteem.  The world is a cruel place to be anyone who doesn't fit society's standard of what is acceptable.

I hated that and I still do.  That is part of the baggage that I have been caring.  I wonder how people would view me sometimes because of my weight.  Will I ever find a date?  Do people really respect me or want to truly get to know me?  You see, I cared too much what others think.  This entry has helped me to realize that one should concentrate to fix what is on the inside as well as what they wish to change on the outside.  Notice I said WHAT THEY WISH, not the government, not the world at large, and not anyone else.  I realized that what makes someone powerless is to have your own power and control.  However, power and control are and should be in God's hands.  Once the power is in God's hands and realize that He has the control and power in Your life when one realize that is when we have power and control.  God guides us and gives us a sense of direction.  That is what I need right now.  This is something that I wish I could write.  Sometimes, in order for things to change, one has to do what seems hard.

Frustration

I could not print out what I wished to print out, so I created a blog of what I wish to have printed out.
Yesterday and today were good days.  I just love Christmas.  It is my favorite holiday.  I admit that I seem to be skipping over Thanksgiving, but that is not the case.  I found myself being frustrated all the way around.

I have found myself gaining weight over the frustration about losing weight.  How ironic is that?  It seems as if life is filled with ironies, including mine.  I want to really lose weight.  I need, want, and desire to lose weight and be healthy. 

There is so much possibility in this world.  There is nothing like reality to cope with fantasy.  I lived in a fantasy world for so long, I didn't realize how sheltered I have been.  I needed a wake up call.  And this week and up to today, I had a time of wake up calls.

It is about frustration becoming an obsession almost.  It could have easily destroyed what I have worked for when it came to my weight.  Frustration is something that one should not have to deal with.  It is serious and I am serious.  Being too frustrated has not been kind to me and I doubt it will be kind to anyone else.

My Thoughts on Gay Marriage

I do have a belief that homosexuality is a sin. However it seems that some people make it that homosexuality is a bigger sin than what straight people do. They are concerned that it would harm the concept of what marriage should be about so to speak. God died for the gay and bisexual just like He did us straight people. So why are people making it such a big issue?

While I believe marriage is between a man and a woman, why don't the anti-gay marriage people make a bigger enough deal about the number of straight people who don't take marriage seriously? There are those who commit adultery and fornication and do other things contrary to the word of God.

Are two lesbians getting married any worse or any more sinful than a straight couple who believe that marriage is more or less a piece of paper? A man or woman who commits adultery should not judge a gay person wanting to get married.

I don't think that two gay people wanting to get married and having the right to get married spells the end of Western Civilization as we know it. Shouldn't we as straight people take the motes out of our own eyes? Shouldn't we do a better job on how we ourselves view marriage before we judge two gay people who are willing to get married?

Even people who proposed a Constitutional Amendment banning gay marriage is wrong in my eyes. I don't think the government should determine who should or should not marry. I think the Constitution Amendment idea is a bad idea. Like I said, many of us straight people need to take the motes out of our own eyes for we too are sinners just like gay people.

I admit this

I am guilty of this.  I sometimes forget Thanksgiving in favor of Christmas.  I am not proud of that.  It is futile to buy food for Thanksgiving and then seemingly forget about it about a day later.  It is not a holiday of food, but it is a holiday of thankfulness.  I am a person with as much to be thankful for as the rest.

I have a lot to be grateful about.  I just believe that we shouldn't just take time to just celebrate.  However, we should celebrate what we are to be thankful for.  That is what Thanksgiving should be all about.  It should be about honor and tradition, and family.  That is what all holidays seem to be about.

I just feel that way because holidays are on my mind.  There is nothing like having the holiday season on my mind.  It is a good feeling to have.  I am grateful for that.  I am mindful that many have lost their loved ones or their families.  I am one of those people.  I lost my father two weeks before Thanksgiving and it was hard.

I wonder even now how different it would be if he were around.  Sadly, I will never know.

My thoughts about weight

I have had a lot to think and pray about today.  I have gained weight lately and I feel not so great about myself right now.  I realize however, that I care too much about what the world thinks of me.  I don't spend all day eating junk food.  I see myself as someone who is trying and not someone who is lazy.  I am relatively active and I am not selfish, dumb, or lack integrity.  My hygiene is not poor nor am I "low class" or other elitist stereotypes people have about fat people.  It is even sadder that some doctors and my own people adhere to those stereotypes.  A fat person can eat healthy foods and still have difficulty losing weight while a thin person can be a glutton.  That is the truth.  No need to explain that.  There is a prejudice against fat people, and not because they care about a fat person, but because they are more concerned about fat people and seemingly so, more so than the fat person themselves.  This is wrong and ungodly in my opinion. 

Ironically, I want to lose weight, but for myself.  I don't fit any stereotypes of fat people at all, but the world have their views, but God has His, and for that, I am thankful.  The world isn't a friend to any of us so why conform to it?  I wish to continue to conform to God's standard of beauty and about health.  The epidemic against obesity should be about fitness, health, and overall well-being, no matter if one is overweight or not, obese or skinny.  I can't help but wonder if some people in the Church are like the world in that they too have a prejudice against being fat.  That is a shame if true.  It is up to the overweight person who wishes to lose weight to do so for themselves and for their health.  It should never be up to the government or anyone else.