An issue of weight and health

It is time I think outside the box...again.  That is one way, if not, the only way I could lose weight.  I am over 100 pounds overweight and I am diabetic.  It is past time that I do such before I get even sicker, despite what the doctor says.  I wish I were the 100% picture of health.  I look like that before pictures in the infomercials.  I am inspired by those infomercials, yet I don't like all of the messages they present.  I am fat.  I get it.  I don't always see a fat person as a before picture and not all after pictures are going to look the same.  I am not writing against the benefits of health and the risks of being overweight, but the message it sends is that unless one looks a certain way, he or she should lose weight to be attractive, happy, and have a high self-esteem.  It is as if automatically a fat person is not and cannot be attractive, happy, or have high self-esteem.  I have self-esteem issues, that is true.  However, I always had self-esteem issues, even when I was smaller.  However, I understand the before and after commercials.

 There is obesity and with obesity and being underweight come health risks.  Risk implies that it could happen. It doesn't imply that it will happen. There is a slight difference.  Food doesn't love me back for instance.  I overate which is part of the reason why I gained so much weight.  My overeating was risky but there was a chance that it caused the diabetes.  True, but there is problem.  There are so many reasons why a person gets fat which doesn't include laziness.  Am I a fat acceptance activist?  Truthfully I don't consider myself an activist at all.  I believe that those who are obese have a greater health risk, yet there are people who do take this war in the wrong direction and that is what worries me.  The war on obesity is about health and fitness which contribute to overall well-being.

A fat person can work, and do other things.  I hate it when there are people out there who say they are too fat to do something and are so selfish.  They have no excuse.  There are people who are obese that they actually have a long list of health issues and they do wish to lose weight.  There are fat people who work and are good role models and are people of good moral character and they are not lazy or selfish.  Fat people are like everyone else and other people who make fun of and laugh at fat people should be ashamed.  I don't understand why someone would find it funny to make fun of someone who weighs 700 lbs.  It is sad and it is stupid.  Well, I hopefully didn't contradict myself, but I guess that is just how I feel.  My point of this is  I know that being an overweight diabetic is not healthy but it doesn't give others the right to hurt one's feelings because of their weight.

Lesson for today is balance and finding balance

Yesterday, I have learned about not giving up.  Today I am learning about balance and finding balance.  It isn't often that as a Christian balance is a word that I don't use often.  I guess it is because the word balance conjures up "being centered" which could be more of a non-Christian thing to say.  But what is wrong with a believer finding balance?  I realize that a balanced life involves being humble, kind, grace, health, and moderation.  Moderation is a key to being and living as a believer in Christ.  Being a Christian is hard and requires a lot of patience, encouragement, and obedience.  I believe that being a believer is about "being centered".  To a believer such as myself, I believe it means to focus on the One and Only Supreme God, His Son, the Lord and Savior, and the Holy Spirit, our Guide and Teacher, who are the Holy Trinity of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.  I believe that there is a trinity that not only helps us to focus, but to guide, teach, and to lead us so that we can be repentant, holy, humble, and encouraged believers.  I feel better even typing this.

"Don't Give Up" by International All Stars

Unfortunately, I cannot find the lyrics to this song.  I have loved this song since I have first heard it.  It took a while to find this song, but I finally found it.  I even listened to this song at one time.  I am happy that I finally found this very song.  I will not give up on myself.

"Pressure" by Jonathan Mc Reynolds

I, I can't even turn on my phone
Without being reminded of the lie
That I am alone and broken, unsuccessful
I, I can't always talk to my friends
'Cause they've got expectations
That I may or may not be living up to
I really need to rid myself

Of the pressure, pressure, pressure
To be someone else that the world has made
Jesus take from me
All the pressure, pressure, pressure
To be someone that you did not create

Help me be me
And only see you
Let me decrease
And glorify you

I, I thought my intentions were good
Just act like a Christian should
And hope someone watching would approve
And be inspired
But you're not feeling my show
Then how far could I go
Before all of my accomplishment
Go down in fire

Just cause of
Of the pressure, pressure, pressure
To be someone else that the church has made
Jesus take from me
All the pressure, pressure, pressure
To be someone that you did not create

I just wanna live
I just wanna live for you
Nobody else, but you

"Born to Make You Happy" by Britney Spears

"Born To Make You Happy"

[Intro:]
Oh, my love [laugh]
Oh, yeah yeah
Oh, yeah

[Verse 1:]
I'm sitting here alone up in my room
I'm thinking about the times that we've been through
Oh, my love
I'm looking at a picture in my hand
Trying my best to understand
I really want to know what we did wrong
With a love that felt so strong
If only you were here tonight
I know that we could make it right

[Chorus:]
I don't know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy
'Cause you're the only one up in my heart
I was born to make you happy
Always and forever, you and me
That's the way our life should be
I don't know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy

[Verse 2:]
I know I've been a fool since you've been gone
I'd better give it up and carry on
Oh, my love
'Cause living in a dream of you and me
Is not the way my life should be
I don't want to cry a tear for you
So forgive me if I do (ooh)
If only you were here tonight
I know that we could make it right

[Chorus:]
I don't know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy
'Cause you're the only one up in my heart
I was born to make you happy
Always and forever, you and me
That's the way our life should be
I don't know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy

[Hook:]
(Oh yeah)
(Oh yeah)
I'd do anything
I'd give you my world
I'd wait forever to be your girl
(Just call out my name)
Just call out my name (and I will be there) and I will be there (ooh)
Just to show you how much I care (alright) (ooh)
I was born to make you happy, yeah (ooh) (oh yeah)

[Chorus:]
I don't know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy
'Cause you're the only one up in my heart
I was born to make you happy
Always and forever, you and me
That's the way our life should be
I don't know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy
(Oh, oh)
I was born to make you happy
(Oh yeah, oh yeah)
Always and forever, you and me
That's the way our life should be
I don't know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy

I have got to change and move on.

It is now time to stop thinking about what I keep admitting.  Admitting is only a first step.  Now it is time to do something about it.  That is a struggle that I have been having.for a long time now.  I would like to start and start now.  I have to have goals set in mind.  I want to stop being so imaginative and live in the real world.  The real world is what keeps me grounded.  I am getting too old and too caught up in my fantasies.  I have been held back partially because of them.  I have had obsessions and crushes for a long time.  Now it has gone too far.  One of them is about someone who has died.  To look at his grave is quite sobering and quite sad.  He seems alive but I know he is not.  That is what bothers me.  He is gone.  I wonder about his soul.  Is he in peace or will he suffer?  What kind of person was he?  I never met him and that is partially what is making this so strange and rather sad.

How I am doing thus far.

Right now, I have been dealing with health issues and they have never been as serious as they have been now.  I believe that I will be okay by tomorrow.  I am holding out that hope.  I remember a lot of things, but one thing is for sure in the present, anything is possible.  I just have to better take care of myself.