I wish I could answer that question. Really, I wish I could, but adultery is based on the fact that one's needs are not being met in the marriage. It is a selfish, cowardly, dishonest act. I often wonder what goes into the minds of one who commits infidelity, even one who is a fictional character. It sounds silly, I know. However, it is how I live my days.
I have been having obsessive thoughts about infidelity for a number of years now and it is manageable, but still quite annoying. I am concerned that I will never get over that because I avoid movies, shows, and avoid reading books in which infidelity is a theme. Anything can be a trigger to an obsesive thought and that is what I am afraid of. I hate avoidance but for years it has become a necessary evil, and nothing more than a coping mechanism that has made my world smaller.
I realize that as a bipolar, I can get obsessive thoughts and I do. It is very rough. I have been diagnosed as being bipolar, but not OCD. I guess there is a relation between the two since bipolars can get obsessive thoughts and bipolar disorder is not easy to diagnose. Having bipolar disorder sucks at times with the manic episodes, the depression, and the mixed states, which I generally have.
It is hard at times to deal with the irritability, the tiredness, and the obsessive thoughts at the same time.
Life can be harder for me, I admit. It has been harder yet I am getting sick and tired of just managing the thoughts and taking the meds. It is stressful at times because obsessive thoughts are a nuissance at times. I just woke up due to an obsessive thought about a tv character who has one night stands on a husband who won't sleep with her yet is raising her child by another man. The couple is having problems in the marriage and she doesn't deal with problems very well. Sometimes things that are disturbing have been waking me up every once in a while and it is disturbing at times. I guess it is the mania.
I am here to write that there is an anatomy to these thoughts. There is being drawn to the source of the thoughts which is often a book or the internet, regardless if the character is fictional or not. In the case of the woman, she is fictional so generally I don't have to watch the show. I could reason it out that way, but it doesn't work. I generally do "research" online because I am so drawn to the storyline of infidelity even though I end up feeling guilty later. Then I have a thought or a series of inter-related thoughts that I mull over or ruminate over trying and hopefully quelling the anxiety I have due to the previous actions. It is easy to say why I did what I did, but it is like an addiction I guess. I perform a compulsion like wondering why she did what she did with how many men, etcetera.
I realize that unless I watch the show or the movie, I will never find the answers that I seek during my so-called research. If I end up finding the answers, then I am relieved yet the thoughts don't leave altogether. This is where it gets tricky. They take time to leave or it is in the back of my mind. I have come to realize that if it is in the back of my mind still, then I have not gotten over it. To me the answer is patience and distraction. Let the thoughts pass, especially since the topic is not based on a real person. The thoughts say one thing, but reality says something else entirely. I prefer to listen to reality, where infidelity is real and people do get hurt. The thoughts want me to hate this particular tv character for not being a good person. The thoughts may say something true yet I have never watched the show nor am I the condemning type.
I think that adulterers are being selfish and dishonest because of their lack of respect for their marriages and their spouses, but I have never cheated, nor have I ever been cheated on. Why I have these particular thoughts I will never understand. I had come to realize is that it no longer matters. It will always remain a mystery. Thoughts will eventually come and I have to realize that. It is just that I wish I could find the cure to these thoughts.
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