I wonder if I was pretty. I have always wondered that. My self-esteem was something I had to work on all my life. I still have to wonder that even if I lost the weight. Even if others thought I was or am pretty, or have a pretty face, I still think that I am okay or above average looking. Would I be prettier if I lost weight? Do I shallow reasons for wanting to lose weight? I admit that I do. I want to feel better and be more confident in my own skin. But I have come to realize that I have to think of myself as beautiful inside and out regardless if I weigh 300 pounds, 200 pounds, or 100 pounds. My self-worth or definition of beauty cannot or should not be determined by the world’s standards or the scale.
I just want to look and feel good. But I have to work at it. Maybe I don’t look so bad after all. Maybe it is just insecurity talking. I would however, like to fit into my old clothes and pay less for clothes. I may have to always buy from the plus size section considering that I realistically have a large frame. It would be nice to buy something that isn’t plus size and not as expensive however. Plus size clothes thankfully have come a long way from the more expensive and not so pretty to something that has more variety. Though I dare say it is still more expensive.
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