Repost from an earlier post...young woman giving her opinion about obsession with celebrities

Rant about my obsession

I am not sure if this where this thread would go under but here it goes. I have an obsession with a famous actor who is now in his 60s and I have come to realize that my obsession with him is taking time away from doing other things. I need to treat it like an obsessive thought since I feel guilt ridden about having all of these thoughts and acting on them. I google his name and his images. I search for youtube videos for him. I save and "like" his pictures on facebook. I posted them up on forums. I even signed up for his twitter account. I am obsessed with this guy and I realize that it is a form of idolatry, or is it? Anyways, I have chosen to no longer go on facebook and "like" any of his images, watch his films, erase all searches and youtube videos on my channel featuring him. I no longer follow him on twitter or look at images in facebook clubs dedicated to him. It has gotten worse over time and I realize that I need to get a grip on myself. I realize that it may take time as far as having thoughts about him and I still do have thoughts about him. Is it an example of temptation at work? How do I further pray about this situation? Prayer works. I hope I can say that I have repented of this obsession. It has gotten so bad that I even had sexual thoughts about this guy. I needed to get a handle on it. 

But today I had a few lightbulb moments which included the fact that I need to get over this person, who is a person after all. I prayed for him and I hope that he gets saved. He is a celebrity whose name I finally mentioned to God and on this forum. I wish I could just be a fan and admire his work, but it has gotten deeper than that. I have had obsessions with others in the past and one in particular. I wonder if having obsessions over people are a sign of OCD, bipolar, or something else. I feel so much better and I am more hopeful than ever about this. I am not proud of being obsessed and I feel like that there are some larger issues at work. I live an isolated existence and I have no social life to speak of. I asked God to open doors for me, but where do I begin?

I am not currently in a relationship and I have noticed that much of my obsession comes from being single and wondering what it will be like to be in a relationship. Much of my obsessions that are bothersome are about the male v female dynamic. My obsessions are things that I have allowed to take a life of their own. I have to no longer feed the obsession by no longer ruminating over this actor who was handsome when he was young. He looks different but still has an attractiveness about him, but the fact of the matter is, the chances of meeting him in person are slim to none. How would I react if I met him? Why would that matter?

At the end of the day I realize that there are certain questions that will never be answered and I have to deal with that. I have not really been diagnosed as having OCD but I can relate to those who have gotten a definite diagnosis. If I can see Justin Beiber as a person who is rich and famous and doing his job, then I can see the person I am obsessing with as another human being to not worship, but to see that he is incredibly flawed just like the rest of us.

The Confederate Flag

I am a black person living in South Carolina.  Should I have been offended by this flag on top of the SC Statehouse grounds?  Do those who really are offended speak for me?  Do those who are hateful speak for all who fly the flag?  Is it really hate or heritage?  

There was an article that I read yesterday written by a black guy about the "Confederate Flag" never called him the word, "nigger".  I can relate to this man.  It was a new take on the flag and what it really symbolizes to one person.  I guess that being controversial does serve its purpose here, but as horrible as the word, "nigger" is, should I have to take the power of that word away from those who have used it against others?

As horrible as the word, "nigger" is, why do some black people, including some in the music industry insist on using the word, "nigga"?  Does it symbolize their ignorance or does it represent something else?  I am going off topic here, but does this flag up here symbolize the heritage of the best of the South, or the worst of the South?

Why is it that this flag is so offensive when it the Confederacy was around for four years?  Is it really a symbol or hatred or slavery?  While the South did lose the war, has it stopped the racial oppression and subjugation of people?  Has it stopped the US Government's mistreatment of the Native Americans?  To those I say no.

I can see why some would see hatred.  It isn't because of some white guy who has a flag on top of his car or wears a flag lapel. To me, the flag can easily represent heritage.  There were people of all races and colors who fought for both sides.  Whatever the reason or reasons, those things should not be forgotten.  To me at least it is heritage.  I had two great-great-great uncles who fought and died for the Confederacy.  Were they racists?  I don't know and I don't care.  That was their problem, not mine.  As far as I know, they were not slave owners nor would they have benefited from the vile business of the "institution" of slavery.  

While I think it is okay that it has been been or will be, at least, taken down from the SC State Grounds, what problems would it really solve in South Carolina?  Just because one evil, racist person murdered nine innocent, church goers, I cannot say that he is the only person who flew the flag.  It does mean that there are people like him who have done a fine job of tainting the image of a flag numerous citizens have died for.  In my personal opinion, as divided as the flag still is, I don't like the idea of people using the tragedy of nine innocents being killed for them to have an agenda.  Why wait now?  

Wherever it may end up, there are many issues that many in South Carolina face, such as crime and unemployment.  The economy and safer neighborhoods would probably be a bigger issue than the flag.  There is also much work to be done in the areas of education and helping those who are poor.  I wonder if those who want a good education and those who are poor believe that a Confederate flag would solve their problems.  My point is, that as divisive an issue as this was, maybe we should place those things of greater importance than a flag.

50 Reasons to Exercise

Now I have more than 50 good reasons to exercise.  Mentally, I have become more fit.  Now only if my body can become more fit.  I highly recommend this video.  I am an overweight diabetic who was always an exercise beginner.  Not only do I want to change that, I also want to overcome my fears and doubts.  In my mind, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Notice I said in my mind.  It is hard to apply that to me and to my body.  I needed to motivate myself.  Going to physical therapy has taught me not to be so self-conscious about my appearance and my health.  I admit that I do care what others think.  I was wondering if those who are my therapists were laughing at me about being overweight.  It is another painful reminder that I am unhealthy and don't feel like I am a person created in the image of the Lord.  Notice I am not saying that fat people are not created in God's image.  For me, I want to be unhealthy and to boost my self-esteem and self-confidence.  I can relate heavily to this said video.  Exercise is truly good for my mental health, but I had no clue about the sleep patterns though.  Now I definitely need to try exercise.  I am inspired.  Now all I have to do is just do it.

Reflecting on pushing oneself

Last night, I did not to make any reflections on this board.  As a matter of fact, I didn't get to blog anything. Computer problems were the reason why.  There are times when just pushing oneself is the only way to accomplish anything.  I have to push myself to get a new haircut.  Interesting since I tried to straighten my hair today.  Needless to say, it ended up being a furry mess of hair.  I could say that my hair look like a straightened hot mess.  I never thought that my hair would be so frizzy.  I have no idea how to straighten natural hair.  The real truth is, it is summertime and I would most likely sweat it out anyways.  If I could blog on a daily basis and push myself to take medication, get a new hairstyle, put on makeup, and blog (on most days), then I can exercise.  The truth is, I really didn't need for others to do the work I am or was supposed to do.  I have to be strong enough to do the work myself.  That is just what grown ups are supposed to do.

Rest in peace, Dad

Today's post

Here is yesterday's post:
I didn't realize how much how much I need to challenge myself.  I was completely overwhelmed and fearful last night.  It had me so overwhelmed that I needed divine intervention.  I am so grateful for the define intervention.  Challenging myself involves that deep down inside I can do it and I can continue to do it. Learning and challenging myself can be quite scary for it is a reminder that everyday, working hard and continue to work hard is the key.  To be honest, I never had to work hard a day in my life, at least when it comes to losing weight.  One day, I would like to be able to say that exercise is a wonderful thing for me because I did it.  I pushed myself to exercise and I did it.  That would be a great thing.

Right now, I am no longer overwhelmed.  Today's post is a continuation of last night's post.  I am not overwhelmed.  I did in fact push myself early this morning.  I was a little tired of the work I have been doing.  Exercise has indeed become a wonderful thing.  Challenging myself and just going out there is even more productive than I thought.  It is in fact, a great thing.

Challenging myself

I didn't realize how much how much I need to challenge myself.  I was completely overwhelmed and fearful last night.  It had me so overwhelmed that I needed divine intervention.  I am so grateful for the define intervention.  Challenging myself involves that deep down inside I can do it and I can continue to do it. Learning and challenging myself can be quite scary for it is a reminder that everyday, working hard and continue to work hard is the key.  To be honest, I never had to work hard a day in my life, at least when it comes to losing weight.  One day, I would like to be able to say that exercise is a wonderful thing for me because I did it.  I pushed myself to exercise and I did it.  That would be a great thing.

Music, recipes, wisdom, and health

It is painfully obvious that I tend to post videos and recipes when I rather not reflect on anything.  However, those postings serve a purpose.  I do love to prepare foods so I like to share recipes with those reading this blog.  Sometimes I just rather relax from all of the deep reflections of my life, religious, spiritual, and otherwise.  These are videos that I like from artists that I listen to.  Some of them are newer artists while others are future legends (if they aren't already) such as Whitney Houston (RIP) and Mariah Carey.
I often post videos that reflect on my musical taste such as from the movie "Frozen" or from a time when I thought music was more diverse (correct if I am wrong) and people seem to have more fun and something more to say.  It is as if music back in those days were taken more seriously for those reasons.  That is just my opinion and my opinion.  I think that all of us are lucky enough to say that I grew up on Sam Smith as well as Tupac or Madonna.  To me, I can interpret music differently than I do now.  I have grown up and music has changed now and I have to live with those changes.

I believe that is what I need to do when it comes to how I feel about myself and my health.  I realize that my health is of far greater importance than I should have made it.  It should have been one of my top priorities. I guess when one is in their 40s, he or she should not be so set in their ways but discover and learn.  That is how we all grow no matter our ages.  Being a 40 year old means that I am still young, but I have to live and learn, but I have become more grown up than I was even in my thirties.  As I get older however, I do realize that I have to realize that it will be harder to change, but one will have greater wisdom.  The problem with me is that I didn't realize what wisdom means.  The difference I think between wisdom and knowledge is that one has the knowledge to learn but wisdom carries that knowledge out.  One grows in knowledge but walks in wisdom.  I realize that as I grow older.

I also see that I have a rather lofty goal.  My goal is to lose more than half of my body weight.  I didn't realize how self-conscious I became until as of late and before.  I saw someone who wanted to change.  I needed to change, but I the knowledge but not the wisdom.  I will ask for wisdom and it is a blessing that is is thankfully given out freely by the Lord.  I could use all of the wisdom and guidance I can get when it comes to this journey,.  My desire is to change.  However, I would like to carry out that desire and grow wiser as a result.

"Cold Rock a Party" by Missy Elliott, MC Lyte, and P. Diddy

To the L, to the Y and the T to the E
So get ready cause I want everybody to say this with me
Rock the house, rock the house, rock the house

Now I cold rock a party in a b-girl stance
I rock on the floor make the fellas wanna dance
I be the shit and it's all good and if you understood

Would you stop scheming and trying to look hard
I get my bodyguard, You get that booty scarred, I'm a veteran
Which means that I've been in the game too long
Since the days of Paper Thin way back when I've been putting it
Down ask your homies who's the baddest bitch on this side of
The M I C, I go for broke, Never giving it less than the best
Lots of years in the game at your request, You like the rhyme
Bite if you dare, I get the paper so I don't care, Fly that's me
The epitome of what a real MC is supposed to be, Fucking you up
Every time that I drop, Fuck a bullet baby, I done took your spot
I guide the best and I ride it well and if you take a look
It ain't hard to tell that I

Now I cold rock a party in a b-girl stance
I rock on the floor make the fellas wanna dance
I be the shit and it's all good and if you understood

Back off me and let my skin breathe, Lyte is everlasting
It's hard to believe I shall prevail cause I'm next to none
Cause I'm claiming no set, Don't plan to get down
Just Brooklyn is where I'm from but I'm resting in Studio City
For the fun, if you don't understand just say you don't (nah!)
And don't wait for me to explain cause I won't
You see it's in my nature to be the best, West to East
See East to West, ready or not I have arrived and I'm live
Showing an MC how to survive. Cause it's crazy how I
Get you captured with my tactics, I got many witnesses
That can back this ruffnecks from New York to LA
Been down with me since Poor George
It's '96 it's all about show and prove and I'm about to
Make the ill type moves, I guide the best and ride it well
And if you take a look it ain't hard to tell that I

Now I cold rock a party in a b-girl stance
I rock on the floor make the fellas wanna dance
I be the shit and it's all good and if you understood

Get out my shit, Please let me be, I don't see why you KGB
Why you gotta be all up on me like that, Trying to get over
Like a fat rat, but I understand I'm a woman in the land of hip-hop
And the shit don't stop, it goes on, on, on, on
You see the shit don't stop till the break of dawn
And now who makes it liver than a hip-hop, scuba diver, chillin with
A pina colada, kidada hooked me up with Tommy now I gotta
Lot of gear from everywhere that I'd like to share (yeah right!)
But I'd rather do Kani, Don't ask why! 5001, my son gets shit done
All on the catwalk, What they've ever done for you
You betta get down with your real crew, Cause I ride the beat
And I ride it well and if you take a look it ain't hard to tell that I

Now I cold rock a party in a b-girl stance
I rock on the floor make the fellas wanna dance
I be the shit and it's all good and if you understood

To the L, to the Y, and the T, to the E
Rock the house and rock the house

"As" by Stevie Wonder

As around the sun the earth knows she's revolving 
And the rosebuds know to bloom in early May 
Just as hate knows love's the cure 
You can rest your mind assure 
That I'll be loving you always 
As now can't reveal the mystery of tomorrow 
But in passing will grow older every day 
Just as all is born is new 
Do know what I say is true 
That I'll be loving you always 

Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky---ALWAYS 
Until the ocean covers every mountain high---ALWAYS 
Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea---ALWAYS 
Until we dream of life and life becomes a dream 

Did you know that true love asks for nothing 
Her acceptance is the way we pay 
Did you know that life has given love a guarantee 
To last through forever and another day 
Just as time knew to move on since the beginning 
And the seasons know exactly when to change 
Just as kindness knows no shame 
Know through all your joy and pain 
That I'll be loving you always 
As today I know I'm living but tomorrow 
Could make me the past but that I mustn't fear 
For I'll know deep in my mind 
The love of me I've left behind Cause I'll be loving you always 

Until the day is night and night becomes the day---ALWAYS 
Until the trees and seas just up and fly away---ALWAYS 
Until the day that 8x8x8 is 4---ALWAYS 
Until the day that is the day that are no more 
Did you know that you're loved by somebody? 
Until the day the earth starts turning right to left---ALWAYS 
Until the earth just for the sun denies itself 
I'll be loving you forever 
Until dear Mother Nature says her work is through---ALWAYS 
Until the day that you are me and I am you---AL~~~~~~WA~~ 
~~~~~AA~~~~~~~AA~~~~ 
Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky~~~~~AA~~~~ 
~~~~AA~~~~~~~AA~~~~~~~~~AA~~~~~~~YS~~ALWAYS 

We all know sometimes lifes hates and troubles 
Can make you wish you were born in another time and space 
But you can bet you life times that and twice its double 
That God knew exactly where he wanted you to be placed 
so make sure when you say you're in it but not of it 
You're not helping to make this earth a place sometimes called Hell 
Change your words into truths and then change that truth into love 
And maybe our children's grandchildren 
And their great-great grandchildren will tell 
I'll be loving you 

Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky--Loving you 
Until the ocean covers every mountain high--Loving you 
Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea--Loving you 
Until we dream of life and life becomes a dream--Be loving you 
Until the day is night and night becomes the day--Loving you 
Until the trees and seas up, up and fly away--Loving you 
Until the day that 8x8x8x8 is 4--Loving you 
Until the day that is the day that are no more--Loving you 
Until the day the earth starts turning right to left--Be loving you 
Until the earth just for the sun denies itself--Loving you 
Until dear Mother Nature says her work is through--Loving you 
Until the day that you are me and I am you-- 
Now ain't that loving you 
Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky 
Ain't that loving you 
Until the ocean covers every mountain high 
And I've got to say always 
Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea~~AL~~~WA~~~AYS 
Until we dream of life and life becomes a dream-Um AL~~WA~~AYS 
Until the day is night and night becomes the day-AL~~~~WA~~AYS 
Until the trees and seas just up and fly away-AL~~WA~~~AA~~~~~ 
Until the day that 8x8x8 is 4~~~~~AA~~~~~~~AA~~~~~~~AA 
Until the day that is the day that are no more-AA~~~~AA~~AA~~~AYS 
Until the day the earth starts turning right to left-AL~~~WA~~~A~~~AA 
Until the earth just for the sun denies itself-~~AA~~~AA~~~AA~~~AYS 
Until dear Mother Nature says her work is through-AL~~~WAYS 
Until the day that you are me and I am you 
Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky 
Until the ocean covers every mountain high 
Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea 
Until we dream of life and life becomes a dream 
Until the day is night and night becomes the day 
Until the trees and seas just up and fly away 
Until the day that 8x8x8 is 4 
Until the day that is the day that are no more 
Until the day the earth starts turning right to left 
Until the earth just for the sun denies itself 
Until dear Mother Nature says her work is through 
Until the day that you are me and I am you

"Like a Prayer" by Madonna

Life is a mystery,
Everyone must stand alone
I hear you call my name
And it feels like home

[Chorus:]
When you call my name it's like a little prayer
I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there
In the midnight hour I can feel your power
Just like a prayer you know I'll take you there

I hear your voice, it's like an angel sighing
I have no choice, I hear your voice
Feels like flying
I close my eyes, Oh God I think I'm falling
Out of the sky, I close my eyes
Heaven help me

[Chorus x2]

Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone
I hear you call my name
And it feels like...

[Chorus x2 (with Choir)]
(Just like a prayer, I'll take you there
It's like a dream to me)

The journey that I am on

I know that losing weight is hard.  I also know that low and slow are the way the go. I wish that I can continue to face the fear that I have had yesterday.  Right now, so far so good.  I don't wish to hold out hope.  My plan is to take things one day at a time and take it all slow.  I don't wish to rush into things.  Right now, my mind is calm.

LA GUADALUPANA POR EMMANUEL Y ALEXANDER ACHA

HUEY TONANTZIN, TONANZIN
HUEY TONANTZIN

(EMANUEL)

DESDE EL CIELO UNA HERMOSA MAÑANA,
DESDE EL CIELO UNA HERMOSA MAÑANA,

LA GUADALUPANA, LA GUADALUPANA,
LA GUADALUPANA BAJO AL TEPEYAC (2 VECES).

(ALEXANDER)

SUPLICANTE JUNTABA SUS MANOS
SUPLICANTE JUNTABA SUS MANOS

Y ERAN MEXIANOS, Y ERAN MEXICANOS
Y ERAN MEXICANOS SU PORTE Y SU FAZ. (2 VECES)

(EMANUEL)

POR EL MONTE PASABA JUAN DIEGO
POR EL MONTE PASABA JUAN DIEGO

(INSTRUMENTAL)

Y ACERCÓSE LUEGO Y ACERCÓSE LUEGO
Y ACERCÓSE LUEGO AL OÍR CANTAR (2 VECES).

(BIG METRA)

AVE MARIA, TE SUPLICO QUE CUIDES DE NUESTAS VIDAS
AUN QUE ESTEN VACIAS O PERDIDAS MUCHAS ALMAS
CLAMA CALMA EN ESTOS DIAS CON SOLO GUIAR A
QUE ME LLEVEN A ENCONTRAR SABIDURIA PERO NADA
MUCHA GENTE NO SABE QUE LA FE MUEVE MONTAÑAS
Y PUEDE CAMBIAR DE REPENTE LO QUE SE CONOCE COMO
MALA RACHA LLENA ERES DE GRACIA ME ILUMINAS EN
MOMENTOS DE DESGRACIA
MADRE MIA, PARA TI ES MI ALABANZA.

(EMANUEL)

ESTE CERRO ELIJO, ESTE CERRO ELIJO
ESTE CERRO ELIJO PARA SER MI ALTAR. (2 VECES)

DESDE ENTONCES PARA EL MEXICANO,
DESDE ENTONCES PARA EL MEXICANO.

SER GUADALUPANO, SER GUADALUPANO
SER GUADALUPANO ES ALGO ESCENCIAL. (2 VECES)

SER GUADALUPANO ES ALGO ESCENCIAL (2VECES)

SER GUADALUPANO.

ESTA CANCIÓN ES PARA LA MORENA, MIRA, DE CORAZÓN

HUEY TONANTZIN, TONANZIN
HUEY TONANTZIN (SE REPITE).

Taking it slow when it comes to weight loss

I am just here to write.  This is quite an adventure.  It is true.  Weight loss have become an adventure.  I could be mad at myself for allowing myself to remain as in the dark as I was.  I have become someone who had difficulty reconciling what I had learned to what I needed to do.  Right now, I have decided that I need to lower my sodium intake, which is hard to do.  There are a lot of sodium laden foods out there.  It doesn't help that there is so much processed food in the store.  What I finally learned is that need to take things slow.

Discovering something about myself

At my age, I finally learned about discovery.  When one loses weight or tries to lose weight, it is rather strange.  There is something I know that will change and not just my body.  I am not so sure how to do that, but I realize that I don't wish to lose weight according to number.  My goal is to lose inches, and not just pounds.  I have learned that that should have been my goal all along.  I do have a rather shallow view about myself.  I can see curves, fat, and stretch marks as beautiful in others, but I don't see it in myself.  I have been looking at my body in the mirror and in a shadow for a long time.  I have done this for at least a good while for the majority of my life now.  I realize that I am beautiful and can be happy and have self-esteem even at my size.  I will be okay as long as I get thinner, but is that a message I wish to send myself?

Who I am

I have been taking a break lately because I have had nothing to write.  I have been dealing with living with the same day over and over and over.  My whole life and my whole world has gotten dull and boring.  It is as if it was passing me by.  Now I realize maybe it was and maybe it wasn't.  I realize that God has some plan for me.  If only I know what it is.  It is time to be myself, whoever that is.

"Smooth" by Rob Thomas w/ Santana

Man, it's a hot one
Like seven inches from the midday sun
Well, I hear you whisper and the words melt everyone
But you stay so cool

My muñequita,
My Spanish Harlem Mona Lisa
You're my reason for reason
The step in my groove, yeah.

[Bridge]
And if you said, "This life ain't good enough."
I would give my world to lift you up
I could change my life to better suit your mood
Because you're so smooth

[Chorus]
And it's just like the ocean under the moon
Well, that's the same as the emotion that I get from you
You got the kind of loving that can be so smooth, yeah.
Gimme your heart, make it real
Or else forget about it

Well, I'll tell you one thing
If you would leave it'd be a crying shame
In every breath and every word
I hear your name calling me out

Out from the barrio,
You hear my rhythm on your radio
You feel the turning of the world so soft and slow
Turning you 'round and 'round

[Bridge]

[Chorus]

[Chorus]

Or else forget about it
Or else forget about it
Oh, let's don't forget about it
(Gimme your heart, make it real)
Let's don't forget about it (hey)
Let's don't forget about it (no oh no oh)
Let's don't forget about it (no no no oh)
Let's don't forget about it (hey no no oh)
Let's don't forget about it (hey hey hey)

No entry.

No entry.

"I'll Stand by You" by Carrie Underwood

Oh why you look so sad
The tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don’t be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
Cause I’ve seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you

So if you're mad get mad
Don’t hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide
I get angry too
Well I’m a lot like you

When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
Cause even if you're wrong

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in into you darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you

And when, when the night falls on you, baby
You feeling all alone
You won't be on your own

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in into you darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you

Oh I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you

Fear is deceptive and was never my friend.

Fear has been a friend of mine for so long.  Just like food, it hasn't loved me back.  Fear like the love of food has held me back.  I don't know if food has been a comfort.  I am not sure if it has been an emotional thing. It may have been lately.  Over the years I find myself living in fear of the world and those in it.  Why?  I didn't want to fail.  I didn't want to get into trouble.  I didn't want to get hurt.  The point is, fear is safe, but it doesn't provide safety.  It is deceptive in that it claims to shield and protect, but it doesn't.  It is an issue that I have to deal with.  I have begun to accept that it is my issue.  It is no one else.  It is time that I have to stand up to it and be free.