Sometimes I feel like starting life all over. I wish I could. I do wonder, however, if there will be any benefits. I have grown tired of life as usual. You see, I am a procrastinator, and an extreme one at that. I wish I could be one of those people who have not only the heart and motivation, but also the will do to things. These are the people that admire.
I wish I could do more to admire myself. You see, I am anxiety-ridden and fearful. I am fearful of everything and seemingly everyone. I don't trust myself and I care what others think. It has been like that ever since I was a child. I may have been anxiety ridden and uncertain ever since childhood and I didn't realize it until recently.
At least I realize that I have a problem. My blog posts today have been about going in circles because of anxiety, stress, and procrastination. I want, need, and desire greatly to change. In short, I need help. I don't know what to do. However, I won't give up. I am always hopeful yet it seems that I have no hope. I try and I try but always seem to fail at everything. I hate failure. I cannot stand doing the wrong thing.
Why do I have OCD? It is because of the reasons about. I also hate uncertainty. I want to know the answers to everything and when I don't know the answers, I feel like I am a total ditz or rather, not very bright. That was how I felt today. I don't like the idea of feeling this way because it is embarrassing.
Maybe embarrassing is too strong a word. I seem to be stressed out over the littlest things. How do I overcome this? I realize that I need to cope with these issues.
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