Avoidance

I am okay today.  I feel though that I am tempted to ruminate about feuds and such.  It is a shame that there are hatreds and feuds and strifes in the first place.  But that is reality and I have to learn to deal with reality.  Sometimes I hate reality but I hate the thoughts even more.  It can be a struggle especially with avoidance.  All avoidance does is make the world smaller.  It makes the world safer, at least my world.  How to avoid avoiding things is a very difficult task.  I have learned to avoid things very well.  Avoidance is a part of the disorder because I don't like the idea of anything triggering a thought.  I realize that the thoughts won't kill me but the fear is so great that avoiding avoidance and overcoming avoidance is probably the most difficult part of this disorder.