You Don't Have to be Afraid by Take 6

The situation gettin' rough
And you feel it's more than you can take
The good things in your life
And problems seem to outwheigh

When will you let go and understand
That I've got the master plan
You've gotta trust Me and just believe
That I'm always holdin' your hand
You don't have to be afraid

[Chorus:]
You don't have to be afraid
Let My love show you the way
(I'm right by your side)
That's where I'll stay
So you don't have to be afraid

Somebody said that problems come
They only come to make you strong
You see, I'm never far away
And you know I'll never steer you wrong

When will you let go and understand
That I've got the master plan

[Chorus:]

My eye is on the sparrow
And I'm always watchin' you
I have so much more love to give
And I'm gonna see you through
Don't be afraid, yeah

[Chorus:]

"Jesus, Precious King" by Beverly Crawford

[Intro:]
Jesus, when troubles burden me down,
Jesus, I know Your love's all around,
Jesus, that's my King.

[Chorus 1:]
Jesus, when troubles burden me down,
Jesus, I know Your love's all around,
Jesus, oh yes, Precious King.

[Verse 1:]
When darkness gathers and friends forsake me,
I know You'll never let me down.
I know You'll answer whatever betides me,
You're just a jewel hat I have found;
Jesus, oh yes, Precious King.

[Chorus 2:]
Jesus, Your name's the sweetest I know,
Jesus, I'll tell it wherever I go;
Jesus, oh yes, Precious King.

[Verse 2:]
When darkness gathers and friends forsake me,
I know You'll never let me down.
I know You'll answer whatever betides me,
You're just a jewel hat I have found.

[Vamp 1:]
Jesus, Jesus,
Jesus, Jesus.

[Ending:]
Jesus, oh yes,
[repeat as desired]

Jesus, oh yes, Precious King.

I wish I could see the positives.

Sometimes I feel like starting life all over.  I wish I could.  I do wonder, however, if there will be any benefits.  I have grown tired of life as usual.  You see, I am a procrastinator, and an extreme one at that.  I wish I could be one of those people who have not only the heart and motivation, but also the will do to things.  These are the people that admire.

I wish I could do more to admire myself.  You see, I am anxiety-ridden and fearful.  I am fearful of everything and seemingly everyone.  I don't trust myself and I care what others think.  It has been like that ever since I was a child.  I may have been anxiety ridden and uncertain ever since childhood and I didn't realize it until recently.

At least I realize that I have a problem.  My blog posts today have been about going in circles because of anxiety, stress, and procrastination.  I want, need, and desire greatly to change.  In short, I need help.  I don't know what to do.  However, I won't give up.  I am always hopeful yet it seems that I have no hope.  I try and I try but always seem to fail at everything.  I hate failure.  I cannot stand doing the wrong thing.

Why do I have OCD?  It is because of the reasons about.  I also hate uncertainty.  I want to know the answers to everything and when I don't know the answers, I feel like I am a total ditz or rather, not very bright.  That was how I felt today.  I don't like the idea of feeling this way because it is embarrassing.

Maybe embarrassing is too strong a word.  I seem to be stressed out over the littlest things.  How do I overcome this?  I realize that I need to cope with these issues.

Encourage

I feel more motivated than ever before.  Now I know it is time for me to lose weight and keep it off.  I need help, however.

I don't think this is normal

I am worried that I will fail.  My worries and fears will come true anyways.  It is not a good thing to have in a personal resume so to speak.  I fear failure, but I fail anyway.  I guess that is why I have difficulty losing weight, aside from the low self-esteem, fear, and pcos.  I have always had an issue with self esteem which contributes to body image which contributes to worry, doubt, fear, and discouragement.  I could use some encouragement right about now.  If I were to answer the important questions, I wouldn't be sure if I were ready or motivated.  I asked if my feelings about this issue was being normal.  I want to overcome this discouragement but I would have given the wrong answer despite evidence to the contrary.  Something is definitely wrong with me and it is sad that I could either be in denial or maybe I am normal after all.

Is this normal?

Have I really thought things through?  Really.  There are times when I don't wish to lose weight.  Do I want to lose weight?  Do I really need to lose weight?  The desire is not there.  As I type this, I am surprised by my candor.  But at the same time, I wonder if I am taking a risk.  Have I really thought this through?  I talk a good game but my heart isn't in it.  I want to do the right thing for myself and my overall health, but there are other factors to other factors to consider.  My mind and heart have to be in it, but I have to realize how risky it is.  I wonder if my feelings are normal.  I have diabetes.  I have PCOS.  I am self-conscious.  I have low self-esteem.  Those are the five reasons why losing weight is vital for me.  But like I said, are my heart and mind into it.  I have made so little progress in losing weight that it scares me that I have this mindset.  Losing weight is hard.  But having this mindset and not knowing about weight loss is even scarier.  Also, coupled with the facts that I weigh so much and have a high Body Mass Index and my insight may not be normal to most, but to be honest, that is how I feel.  Why do I really want to lose weight?  Is it for me?  Is it for other people?  I feel so selfish and so blinded.  I wonder what is really going on with me.

I am more than ready

I still don't have a clue as to the plan for my life, but I believe that there is a clue about activity.  I haven't been as active as I used to be.  I don't like change, yet consistency is an issue.  I have self-esteem issues and I have to say that using that as a crutch would go a long way in keeping myself from moving forward.  To me, moving forward involves getting out of an emotional, physical, and psychological rut.  I would love for nothing better than to get out of that rut.  I have spent a long time in that rut and therefore I have made so little progress.  I know what to do, but I have no idea how to apply what I have learned.  My self-esteem would say, " I am not that smart a person.  How come it is taking you so long?"  Reality says, "I would like to believe that with some change, that I can overcome anything.  It will take a while but it is best to overcome whatever needs changing."  In other words, I believe that no one will believe what is really gone wrong with me.

Despite poor eating habits, I have just given up on myself.  I have become self-conscious of my weight as well. Low self-esteem would say, "I am lazy."  But what is really going on?  I have been self-conscious before, so now what is the problem?  The root problem is that I believe it is due to wanting to live the real world despite creating a fantasy world for myself.  I have had this problem ever since I was a child.  I always thought for one reason I was too this and not enough this.  There was a time when I once weighed much less.  I thought that I would feel better once I am this weight.

Yesterday was a wake up call.  I need to look inside myself and read up previous entries.  Maybe that isn't such a good idea, reading of course.  I am in a place where while I embrace my age, I have yet to embrace who I am and what I really want and what I really need.  I have my desires, but do they match up to what I want and what I need?  I have been become so overwhelmed that it seems that nothing is going to work.  I don't have a solution, at least not an easy one.  It will take a while and this is all that I know.