Gossip site

Last night I found myself just being a bit too mindful.  It was a manic high, a high that I don't want.  Being bipolar can be so difficult at times.  The manic highs and the depressives lows are bad enough.  I realize that there are things that I have done that make no sense in the grand scheme of things.  Last night I was so focused on reading from a gossip website that it was as if I wasted a lot of time.  The truth is, I did waste a lot of time.  That was a moment of taking me back to old school that I do not want.  I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder since my teens and it hasn't always been so easy.  There were times when I even wondered if I was bipolar.  The truth is, I am.  I am not ashamed of being bipolar since it is not my fault. There are times when I feel guilty and recently has been no exception.  It was as if I "fell off" somewhat. That was and still is how I feel.  I just haven't been concentrating as much as I should.  I believe that I need to relax and just be better focused.