Light bulb moment

I am clueless once again.  What happened to my motivation and my desire?  Did I have said desire the whole time?  It is a personal cliche but I feel like that ever-spinning hamster in his little wheel.  That poor thing never seems to stop.  I am glad to have said never seems because I don't know when a hamster begins and when it stops.  Unlike a hamster however, I feel like I am rushing myself.  I don't have much time or energy, so the urgency was there.  Also, the frustration came along with the urgency.  This is not a good feeling to have.  I have been overwhelmed and the real reason was hard for me to see.  It was right under my nose or rather looking in the mirror.  It is me.  I am not blaming anyone or anything else but me. I think it is time that it is time to get motivated and to just get over it.  I have been like an unregenerate baptized person.  Baptism is great but without being regenerated or saved, I will just come out of the pool wet.  That is how my life has been.  I have physically doing some of the right things but I have produced undesired or no results.  It is time to do the most important thing first and get saved, for only saved people get baptized.