Being faithful

I know that I have posted videos up in the last few days.  I have admit gotten a bit lazy because, basically, I didn't have a whole lot to muse about.  However, I have had a lot on my mind, namely anything Christian.  I read the Bible ever so often and pray on a regular, though not consistent basis.  That needs to change.  I would like to read the Bible, even a couple of passages daily and pray more or rather, pray without ceasing. Sometimes, I feel like I am the most disobedient child of God ever.

I have had constant doubts about being saved and I wish that I didn't have those doubts.  I wonder if I am spiritual or being a false believer because of these doubts.  When if I have never been truly regenerated, saved, or born again?  Because of my doubting, when if I have never been faithful enough to believe that God rose His Son from the dead?  I usually don't write about these things because I never really thought about writing anything so personal, at least in that particular vain.  It is consistently been a bother for many years now and I still wonder from time to time if I am a true believer.

True believers have faith, no?  We are to live by faith and not by sight or feelings, no?  I am supposed to be strong yet it can be very difficult.  However, I cannot recall many people truly say that being a Christian is so so easy.  There is a sermon about Christianity being an easy ride.  The preacher meant well, but I don't agree.  It is a walk sometimes filled with gravel and unpaved roads.  It can be a rather lonely road.  It can be even more lonely if you feel like God is not there.  The sad thing is only a few will walk the same road that I will walk.  I am taking the path that few will choose.  It is quite sobering since only a few will walk that road and that there is only one way.  I did wonder if it truly meant that only a minority of the human race will enter Heaven, including myself.  I also wondered if it meant about the only way to Heaven, which is one.  Either way, Jesus did say that He is the way, the Truth, and the Life.

Either way, I do wonder if I am truly ready for Jesus' return.  I have had doubts about it.  I still do.  I guess that that is what daily repentance is all about.