My own infidelity

Yesterday I wrote about women's infidelity and I admit that I came across as a judgmental person.  I don't like that about myself.  Infidelity is wrong, yes, but I believe that as a woman, I am doing the same thing with the Lord.  I don't always read scripture, pray, or spend time with the Lord.  I spend my time worrying about what the world thinks of me.  I want to be a part of Him.  Instead, I want Him to be a part of me.  It seems strange but I am trying to say that God should be the center of my life and the Head of my life.  Sometimes, I make God my co-pilot instead of giving Him the controls.  That is a problem that I need to work with.  I am a flawed human being who lacks wisdom and is in need of His guidance daily.  I have to realize that I am in the world but not of the world.  The world doesn't have the understanding, nor do they have the Holy Spirit such as a believer.  He wants me to be humble, yet I do have fears and I am anxious.  I do worry a lot about what is going on in the world, specifically having to do with me.  I feel like I have not grown spiritually or emotionally.  It has been a struggle.  I wonder if it is because of a lack of faith or is it because of something else.  To me, it does matter why I am sometimes being unfaithful to the Lord and I am cheating with the world just as Gomer has cheated on Hosea through prostitution.  Like Gomer, sin has brought her down to the lowest point, but I believe that she has been redeemed.  Jesus died on the cross so that we can be forgiven and loved like Gomer was with Hosea.  That is what the story is how I interpret it.  I have a lot of learn in this world.  I have spent so much time in fear and what the world thinks of me, that I have not realized that I have Someone who loves me, flaws, warts, and all.