Too Close by Next

Dancing and dance music are absolutely fun.  I was listening to this song from a while back and sometimes I forget how good music sounds from a vehicle.  Ironically I don't feel that way about country music coming from the radio.  I rather watch a country music video or listen to a live performance.  I just find music and this song in particular, fascinating.  I just realized that I don't usually describe songs as fascinating but I wasn't sure what else to write in particular.  This is a song that I would recommend for exercise.

I love gardening and gardening shows

I love gardening.  I really do.  The problem is that I have no idea how to plant a flower much less grow and take care of an entire garden.  I believe and find that learning about nature and gardening are quite relaxing, and actually doing it are actually going a long way into one being more productive.  There is nothing in the world like being productive.  I believe that people who are more productive are less likely to quit and make better citizens.  Being lazy is not what makes a good gardener, believer, or anything in all stages in life. Making excuses just pushes things farther back and make them worse.

Happy Birthday, Erykah Badu

Being thankful instead of complaining

Maybe I do complain too much.  It is quite safe where I am from.  I live in a safe, quiet neighborhood where not a whole lot happens.  I wonder if all of my neighbors know me, much less like me.  I feel like I was musing about what I was missing more so than what I have and what I should be thankful for.  Sometimes it happens to all of us I guess.  I felt like giving up at times.  I do complain a lot and I am tempted to complain right now, but I won't.

What am I missing?

I have no idea about what to do with my life.  I am 39 years old and I feel like life has passed me by.  I am thankful for what I have.  I feel like there is something that is missing.  I don't know what it is, but I am wondering what is missing in my life.  I am in need of excitement.  Sometimes, I feel like I have nothing to show for it.  I hope that I am wrong, but that is how I feel at the moment.  It is quite a lonely experience.

My own infidelity

Yesterday I wrote about women's infidelity and I admit that I came across as a judgmental person.  I don't like that about myself.  Infidelity is wrong, yes, but I believe that as a woman, I am doing the same thing with the Lord.  I don't always read scripture, pray, or spend time with the Lord.  I spend my time worrying about what the world thinks of me.  I want to be a part of Him.  Instead, I want Him to be a part of me.  It seems strange but I am trying to say that God should be the center of my life and the Head of my life.  Sometimes, I make God my co-pilot instead of giving Him the controls.  That is a problem that I need to work with.  I am a flawed human being who lacks wisdom and is in need of His guidance daily.  I have to realize that I am in the world but not of the world.  The world doesn't have the understanding, nor do they have the Holy Spirit such as a believer.  He wants me to be humble, yet I do have fears and I am anxious.  I do worry a lot about what is going on in the world, specifically having to do with me.  I feel like I have not grown spiritually or emotionally.  It has been a struggle.  I wonder if it is because of a lack of faith or is it because of something else.  To me, it does matter why I am sometimes being unfaithful to the Lord and I am cheating with the world just as Gomer has cheated on Hosea through prostitution.  Like Gomer, sin has brought her down to the lowest point, but I believe that she has been redeemed.  Jesus died on the cross so that we can be forgiven and loved like Gomer was with Hosea.  That is what the story is how I interpret it.  I have a lot of learn in this world.  I have spent so much time in fear and what the world thinks of me, that I have not realized that I have Someone who loves me, flaws, warts, and all.

Anatomy of women and infidelity

I have had thoughts about infidelity for many years.  I am a judgmental person.  I don't see how a woman can cheat on a good man.  I felt bad about that because my thoughts are unrealistic.  Deep down inside, I see myself as a judgmental individual who is adhering to a double standard of sorts.  I find myself curious, yet I find myself angry.  It is upsetting to hear about, read, or see an adulterous woman.  It is interesting since Gomer in the Bible was an adulterous woman who her husband truly loved.  I don't even know if she ever truly loved him.  She may have loved him at one time, but I will never know.  That isn't the point in my opinion.  Gomer committed adultery and prostitution, yet her husband still loved her.  I can only imagine the pain that Hosea went through.

That is the problem.  I can only imagine.  I am isolated yet I feel isolated from the real world.  I want to see an adulterous woman hurt the way she hurt her "loved" one.  I felt that the adulterous woman was a bigger fool than an adulterous man.  The truth is, I have seemed to hate the deeds and dislike adulterous women for I don't think that they have morals.  But that is also what the thoughts say.  Why do I feel that way?  Will I ever truly know?  Are these only theories or is it based on what I think is the truth?  The problem is, all I have are questions, scenarios, and uncertainties.  I would why a woman would cheat.  I wondered how many she also slept with and what happened to her.  Was she rewarded for it with alimony payments from the scorned husband?  Did she lose everything?  Was she killed?  I have written stories about adulterous women and they have been graphic and exaggerated.  I have felt better since I have written about them, yet I was afraid of reading them.  Hopefully, I will feel better about how I feel about women and infidelity.