Happy Birthday

Today I turn 39 years old.  I don't think of myself as a 38 year old, but I realize that I have some growing up to do.  Today has been a good day for me.  There is so much it seems that I need to do.  I just realize that fears can be faced and fears can be conquered.  I have learned much today.

"I Feel Like Praising Him" by Shirley Caesar

There is nothing in the world like praising God.  Hallelujah!  Glory to the Most High!  Thank You, Jesus!  Hallelujah!

False Evidence Appearing Real

I am doing pretty well today despite my back pain.  Exercise is good for the mind as well as the body.  I love to exercise but I wasn't sure if I was physically able to exercise the way I am doing such today.  Excuses are like fear.  They both hold a person back.  Fear is false evidence appearing real.  When one lives in a fantasy world, fear is the master.  Faith is not the evidence of things unseen but the evidence of what is uncertain.  The best thing to do is to face one's fear and live in the real world.  That is the best way to conquer fear and realize that there is Someone greater than fear.  He cares about us and He will help us face and conquer our fears.

How to face my fears...

I need to face and conquer my fears.  I admit it.  I am fearful of everything and of other people.  I am scared.  I need help and I don't know what to do.  I want to overcome my fears so much.  It is tormenting to have fear in one's life.  It could even paralyze a person.  Being anxious and fearful is not a good way to live.  I wonder what I should do.  To be courageous, one has to face that fear and to fear God is the best fear to live.  The only thing one has to fear is fear itself.  I wonder if it means to face my fears.  I know that if I could face my fears, then I can face my anxieties.  I fear the unknown and the worst case scenario.  It is hard but I have to work at it and I am so tired of the drama of being fearful all of the time.  I wish I knew how to conquer those fears.  All I can do is cast all of my cares to God.

Learning to eat to live..in moderation of course.

I have heard the expression about eat to live not live to eat.  That statement is something that I can relate to.  For too long, I lived to eat.  It wasn't until I was in my 30s that I lived to eat because I was bored, or thought I was hungry.  I didn't realize that I had a problem until I weighed over 300 lbs.  I was unhealthy and stressed out.  I know I sound like a broken record, but it is true.  The plan for me is to eat to live though I didn't get that fully.  I never really practiced that because I am struggling to eat healthy and in moderation.  No matter information I get, I am still struggling.  I realized that not only do I have to watch what I eat, but apply what I have learned to my own life.  That is easier said than done, but it is getting easier.  I have learned that one has to make small changes in order to make a big impact.

Beauty

I wondered now if the real reason I was going to lose weight was so that I can feel better about myself.  I have issues with having low self-esteem and it is a plague that I wish I could be cured of right away.  It has been bothering me for years.  I have been looking at pics and drawings of overweight people and they have inspired me.  Beauty come in all forms, sizes, shapes, and colors.  We often judge a book by its cover too much.  Many assume that a fat person eats junk food, has poor hygiene, is lazy, and has low self-esteem.

Anyone who is willing to pose nude has got to have some courage somewhere.  I don't advocate pornography; I am advocating artistic and tasteful nudes.  I have been looking at Leonard Nimoy's pics and I see women who are larger as beautiful human beings.  Everyone has someone who they are attracted to, but to mistreat a person who a person finds unattractive is nothing short of a sin.  It is wrong.  The truth is, almost no one fits the Eurocentric standard of beauty placed on Americans.  Most men would have to work hard at looking like Randy Orton; most women would have to work extra hard to look like a supermodel.  Most people don't look like Randy Orton or a supermodel and that is okay.  There is nothing wrong with that. 

Being a fat person myself, I have projected my insecure feelings about being overweight to others and that is just as wrong.  I didn't want to admit it, but it is true.  I only see a certain body type as beautiful and often feel sorry for the person who looks most like me.  I do get the pretty face, but need to lose weight comments.  I have been made fun of.  I have been judged and called names.  It is cruel and hurtful and I don't wish those things on anyone.  I for one live in a cruel, cold society in which it seems I don't belong just because of my body type.  I am an alternative.  I am a real woman with full lips, a wide nose, and have dark skin.  I live in a society of size 2s with preferably thinner physiques, longer hair, and lighter to tan skin and those women are considered beautiful.

I prayed that I no longer have those issues.  I know I needed to change.  I needed to redefine the definition of beauty.  Is beauty about the inner man?  Is it about the outer man?  Is it both?  Judging a book by its cover has always occurred, yet do we often consider the inner beauty of man?  I don't think we do, until someone shows them who they really are.  When a person shows who they really are, they no longer become beautiful.  A person who is physically attractive who is rude, self-centered, dishonest, and ill-mannered is not a beautiful person in my eyes.  On the other hand, a person who has stretchmarks, is short, and has a heavier body type who is well-mannered, polished, kind, and generous is beautiful in my eyes.  One doesn't have to look perfect to be beautiful.  Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder yet beauty isn't always subjective and hopefully I have shown that.

Being a doer

I find myself doing something different and doing what I love to do now and that is exercising.  It has helped me with my mind.  I feel accomplished and so much healthier.  Now only if I could eat in moderation.

Eating in moderation is quite difficult at times.  I should have eaten one serving of spaghetti and meatballs or half a sandwich.  I know that I should have written this in the diet and food blog, but I felt it is important to write here.

Why?  Because I have mused much about my eating habits and my exercise regimen.  It has been stressing me out for a long time and now it seems like I am getting the hang of things.  I have made mistakes along the way, but now I can actually be a doer.

I have lost weight with support, prayer, accountability, and being a doer.  The Bible talks about being a doer.  One who is a doer doesn't forget looking in the mirror after viewing their reflection.  It is a paraphrase of a verse that is written in the book of James.  Being a doer is being accountable and taking action.

There is nothing in the world like taking action and taking one's power back.  I have learned never, ever let anyone or anything take your power.  Fight for what is rightfully mine and never give up.  Sadly it took almost forever to realize that and now I am the better for it.