Being faithful

I know that I have posted videos up in the last few days.  I have admit gotten a bit lazy because, basically, I didn't have a whole lot to muse about.  However, I have had a lot on my mind, namely anything Christian.  I read the Bible ever so often and pray on a regular, though not consistent basis.  That needs to change.  I would like to read the Bible, even a couple of passages daily and pray more or rather, pray without ceasing. Sometimes, I feel like I am the most disobedient child of God ever.

I have had constant doubts about being saved and I wish that I didn't have those doubts.  I wonder if I am spiritual or being a false believer because of these doubts.  When if I have never been truly regenerated, saved, or born again?  Because of my doubting, when if I have never been faithful enough to believe that God rose His Son from the dead?  I usually don't write about these things because I never really thought about writing anything so personal, at least in that particular vain.  It is consistently been a bother for many years now and I still wonder from time to time if I am a true believer.

True believers have faith, no?  We are to live by faith and not by sight or feelings, no?  I am supposed to be strong yet it can be very difficult.  However, I cannot recall many people truly say that being a Christian is so so easy.  There is a sermon about Christianity being an easy ride.  The preacher meant well, but I don't agree.  It is a walk sometimes filled with gravel and unpaved roads.  It can be a rather lonely road.  It can be even more lonely if you feel like God is not there.  The sad thing is only a few will walk the same road that I will walk.  I am taking the path that few will choose.  It is quite sobering since only a few will walk that road and that there is only one way.  I did wonder if it truly meant that only a minority of the human race will enter Heaven, including myself.  I also wondered if it meant about the only way to Heaven, which is one.  Either way, Jesus did say that He is the way, the Truth, and the Life.

Either way, I do wonder if I am truly ready for Jesus' return.  I have had doubts about it.  I still do.  I guess that that is what daily repentance is all about.

Fred Hammond - LOUD LOUD

Dancing

There isn't much that I can muse about today except for twerking.  Interestingly enough, I tried twerking, and I failed miserably.  Maybe I should try a dance lesson or two, since I would like to learn how to dance.
Sadly I am not a great dancer.

Janie's Got a Gun

There Goes My Baby by Usher

What a beautiful and complimentary song. I like to listen to romantic music.  Usher is not my all-time favorite artist but I do like some of his music.  He is a talented artist, I admit.  He is a modern baby-making artist. Just like Luther Vandross, who I grew up listening to, Usher is a talented artist who makes pretty good love and romantic music.

Having OCD

It is rough having OCD.  It is even tougher to embrace it.  I never thought that acceptance and embrace would be so tough.  I have had bouts of OCD for many years but it seems to have gotten worse in the last few years.  Ever since then, I felt like the anxiety helped to take a toll on my health.  I just feel like "hitting a brick wall" sometimes because it is so difficult.  Having a mental illness is tough altogether.  I have written about the anatomy of an OCD thought and it was eye-opening.  I can say that right now I feel great.  My obsessive thoughts have all but gone and it is now easier to move on and move forward.

I was/am so obsessed with wanting to get better that I asked God for healing.  I needed the strength to move forward and to move on because I didn't think that I could do it.  But I did it.  I have been having crushes on men for a long time and I wonder if a relationship would be the cure-all for that problem.  I spend a lot of time alone and I tend to ruminate over other people.  It has gotten to the point where I even thought that I had a worship issue, but not with the Lord.  It was on other celebrities like Sly Stallone, and Mickey Rourke, and George Clooney.  It is all vanity.  It is all temporary.  Eternity is real and forever.  Jesus will come quickly, but I wish I knew how soon.  I want my life to having meaning.  I want to be a stronger person, which is interestingly enough, how I feel.

I have likened the OCD thoughts to urban legends.  Like urban legends, they are expanded stories that are usually not proven true.  Yes, urban legends can be true but that is not the point.  The point is OCD focuses on the worst case scenario in a situation.  It is as if OCD has the power to influence my thinking which I should not allow it to.  I have had great insight into what is going on that I wish I knew how to overcome it.  Focusing on God and the eternal is what I hope to continue to focus on.

"Happy" by Pharrell Williams

Pharrell Williams is a guy who is quite talented.  I have always known that, however.  Anyways, I am happy that such a song came out.  This is one of the better modern songs that are out there.  I am more nostalgic but this song is awesome.  I need to be happier.  It is as if I spent much of my life miserable.  There is nothing more than a person living their life as if everything is miserable, especially if one has much to be grateful for. Yep, I am talking about myself.  There is nothing like having and being grateful.  I am the girl who really does have everything.