"Getting outside of myself"..

I have a confession to make.  I have a crush on a guy.  I have wondered if I were too old to have a crush on a guy.  I am over 40 and I wish to be married someday.  I thought I was a grown up and as far as a number, I am.  However, there is a part of me that is still childish and self absorbed.  I tend to be a selfish person at times.  I often pray more for myself than I do for other people.  That is just so sad.  I am a Christian.  How can I be so self absorbed?  My real guess is that I have great difficulty praying for other people.  I am always in a hurry to leave.  I lack patience since it is not one of my virtues.  I want to learn and grow and finally grow up.  I have become too concerned with my own life and wrapped up in my own problems.  Ironically, I am writing about myself in this blog right now.  Not only is it time for me to stop being so self absorbed but to start seeing myself and the world for what it truly is and see people for who they truly are.  I have formed opinions based on romantic notions or on what I have heard.  Sadly I have realized that after all of these years that it is no way to live.