Being "who I am" I guess

I will be okay.  Today I feel like I am so lazy spiritually and otherwise.  Maybe I am too hard on myself.  I guess it is either because I am self-conscious deep down or maybe because I think I am being honest.  I just realize that being self-conscious is a difficult way to live.  Ever since I gained weight a few years ago, I have found myself self-conscious of my appearance.  In fact, I have come to realize that at times I really don't give myself enough credit.  Sometimes I wonder too much. Sometimes I don't wonder enough.  Maybe I don't have as low a self-esteem as I think.  Maybe however I do.  I often take the time to look back at my reflection daily and I don't often like what I see.  It isn't like I don't care about myself, but from my appearance, I do wonder if I have stopped. I don't have a problem with me personally but there are things I wish I could change.  There are body parts that I would like to "alter", for a lack of better terms.  I should be thankful but I don't often find that I am not.  I see myself often in a negative light.  It is time I look at the positives.  Yet, who am I really?  I have a sense of identity but I wonder a lot a things about who I am and what I am supposed to be.  Who am I really?  Why am I here?  What is my purpose?  Those are the questions that I would like answered.