Worries and anxieties

I worry too much.  I am anxious about so much it seems.  I cannot say I had a rough day, but I was concerned that my worries and anxieties could have gotten the best of me.  Today I thank God for His many blessings including answering the prayer of thanks and helping me overcome my worries and anxieties.  I asked Him to help me to pray without ceasing.  For a while I didn't know or realize what that meant.  I believe it is a synonym of ask, seek, and knock.  In other words, don't give up on God.  I had doubts creeping in and a lack of faith in the way.  Thanks be to God, that I can finally have a better handle on my obsessive thougths.

Reflecting on having OCD

Today has been a pretty good day.  There really isn't much to say.  Lately I have been putting up videos and I feel like I have nothing to add.  This is the case even though I do other things.  I do have strong opinions and maybe that is why I have OCD thoughts about many topics including infidelity.  My anxiety at times reaches a boiling point like it did this past weekend.  I sometimes have thoughts about petty things, but one thing is for sure: this too shall pass.  I am not strong enough to watch a TV show or a movie where infidelity could be a theme.  It has always been like this.  I would walk away when something bothers me.  I would have difficulty facing my fears.  I have been having these thoughts since November but the anxiety wasn't as bad as it became a month later.  I have had trouble coping with these thoughts for a long time and I am now doing better but it took long enough.  I just wish that I could face my fears.  How to do that, I am not sure.

"Can't Give Up Now" by MaryMary

There will be mountains that I will have to climb
And there will be battles that I will have to fight
But victory or defeat, it's up to me to decide
But how can I expect to win If I never try.

I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
And I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me

Never said there wouldn't be trials
Never said I wouldn't fall
Never said that everything would go the way I want it to go
But when my back is against the wall
And i feel all hope is gone,
I'll just lift my head up to the sky
And say help me to be strong

I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
And I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me

[Hook:]
No you didn't bring me out here to leave me lonely
Even when I can't see clearly
I know that you are with me(so I can't)

I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
And I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me

How I am doing today

I have come to realize that my obsessions have not destroyed my life, but somehow saved it.  They brought me closer to God.  I have been living a safe life because of these obsessions and as a result, my world has gotten smaller.  I am drawn to television shows.  I have no longer become a fan of television shows.  The characters lie, cheat, and commit other sins and they seem to be rewarded for them.

I am of the view that those who lie, cheat, and commit other sins should not be awarded for them.  They should be dealt with, but in a godly way.  A godly way is with love and godly judgement.  I am of the view that adultery is a sin and that adulterers are sinners just like every one else.  I believe that adulterers are not evil and not good.  In fact, no one is good and one doesn't have to be moral to be evil.  We are all adulterers though most are moral, good people.  But our views of morality are different from that of God.

I have to keep in mind that whenever a thought comes that like the characters that are fictional, the thoughts are creations.  They are the creations of a writing team and they are played by real people.  What scares me is that the situations are real like the real life and that there are people who do cheat.  That is something I cannot let go of.  There was a time when I almost did.  I realize that most people who cheat are not the worst of the worst but they are like all else, cheaters.

It is time that we all sinners take the motes out of our eyes and not pass ungodly judgement on those who are adulterers.  Jesus told the adulteress in John 8 to "go and sin no more".  Though some who sin will continue to sin, but that won't have to be me.  I choose to either be unfaithful to God with the world or remain faithful to the Lord and be at rest.  I don't look at adulterers as those who deserve no forgiveness and nothing but harm.  Infidelity does not make one good but forgiveness covers all sins.  Adulterers can be forgiven.

I have been realizing that life is too short to worry about the sins of someone else as I was too a cheater.  I haven't physically cheated nor have I been cheated on, nor am I currently in a relationship.  I have never been kissed in fact.  I don't have a love life to be concerned about.  I don't know anyone for sure who has cheated on me or anyone I know.

I could reason things out but they do not work.  I am afraid that like others, I would not like or rather hate or be annoyed by the adulterous characters.  I am afraid of another thought being triggered.  I tried exposing myself, only to make things worse, much much worse.  I finally realize that I cannot live for the obsession, but I have to live for me, and for the Lord of course.  My plan is to put God as my top priority and all else I realize will fall in our place.

Life is too short to worry about anything.  I realized that today that life is a blessing.  Yesterday is the past. Sadly I don't remember much about my life and how I thought without the obsessions.  I have been obsessive compulsion most of my life.  I would like to expand my life and I cannot do that without putting God first and getting caught up on what is on television.  I have other goals in mind.  I have other things to do.  I believe that God has a plan for me.  I felt for years that life has passed me by.  I would like to be wrong.

My relationship with the "OCD Persona" and infidelity

I am doing okay this morning.  However, I don't usually muse early in the morning like this.  I even prayed last night for the "OCD Persona".  I have to say why the" OCD Persona" picked this particular subject but I guess it no longer matters.  The matter I am referring to is the infidelity committed by wives.  I guess because of my strong opinions it bothers me.  I really don't know now what to make of people who cheat.  I guess because I wonder why a woman would cheat on a man who is good to her.  I have come to realize that the "OCD Persona" is just that, a persona.  She is real to me but her thoughts and ideas are not based on reality. It took me a while to realize that.  What is it that I am afraid the most?  I am afraid that I will become like her. She is rude, intrusive, judgmental, and makes me anxious.  I obsess it seems about everything from my weight to infidelity.  I wonder if I have a perfectionist complex. I have been wondering about quite a few things over the years.  The thoughts I realize are expansions and thus exaggerations of reality.  The thoughts I can manage but it is compulsions that are annoying and the anxiety that can be rough.  The checking and reassurance is even more bothersome but is manageable as well.  That is how I live my life on a daily basis.  I am doing better but I realize when it comes to this subject I have a ways to go.

How I am doing today

Yesterday I realized that I had an obsession with what I watch on TV or in the movies.  It took me long enough.  I finally realized that and I am better for it.  It was one of those "light bulb" moments that has helped me to cope and have given me the answers that I so need.  I hate uncertainty and this moment has given me the relief that I need.  The hatred of uncertainty comes from the Obsessive thoughts.  Those are things that I have come to realize other than the fact that I am not going crazy.  I have an anxiety disorder and I won't allow the anxiety to get the best of me.  If I don't like it, then I don't or won't watch it.  I have allowed the anxiety to control me but I am better.  I am okay now and the worry is over.

My overall obsession with television and movies

I just now realized that everything I do is more or less an obsession. I am concerned yes but today I had a realization that I am obsessed about television. I had obsessive thoughts this morning about a new show. It features two people who are adulterous but want to work out their marriage. The woman and man are both cheating with escorts. I wondered if I should watch it but if I do, I would only be drawn to it. I wouldn't be a fan of the show, but over time I will just move on and not watch that show. That is how I feel about any show I watch nowadays. Most of television bores and bothers me because of the content. I just cannot believe how much television has changed in the last 20-30 years. I wondered if I can overcome or be healed of obsessive compulsive disorder and just move on. How do I pray for healing since I am obsessed with matters that to me, are trivial?

"One Wing" by Jordin Sparks

Lately I have been wondering about quite a few issues going on in my life.  I feel like the person in this song, whereas I have one wing.  I wonder if this is a prayer or a secular song.  Either way, it is a great song that I can relate to.  I have been listening to this song this past Tuesday and I love it.  It is one of those songs that I can listen to all day.

He's a Wonder by Cece Winans

"King Of Kings (He's A Wonder)"

He's so good
I love him I love him
yes I do oh yea yea

[CHORUS]
King of Kings and Lord of Lords
Lover of my soul Jehovah
One and only God I am
Jesus Christ the Holy Lamb
[REPEAT]

[VERSE 1]
Thy truth reaches the clouds
Your mercy never runs out
We give You honor
Be thou exalted
above the heavens and above the earth
I give all Glory unto your name

[CHORUS]

[VERSE 2]
Hills melt in Your presence
And Your foes tremble at Your
Awesome power
I will rejoice now and forever 'cause You are mine
So gracious and so divine

He's a wonder, he's a wonder
He's a wonder, he's a wonder
He's a wonder, he's a wonder
He's a mighty God

So good, so good
He's been, so good
My God, our God
Has been so good

So good, so good
He's been So good
My God, our God
He's a wonder, He's a wonder
He's a mighty God

Fictional characters

I have today wondered why we as people get so caught up in the things we see in the media.  These are unreal characters played by real people.  What is so wrong with our lives that we get so caught up?  Have we become sheep?  I wondered at time what is the point of getting so caught up in the lives of real people? Actors have scripts written for them.  Singers write songs.  It is okay to appreciate their work but when we get so caught up in gossip and their work that it becomes a priority then something is wrong.  I finally realized that is the case with me.  There have been things that I have been caught up in and have not put God first in my life.  I have gotten so caught up with what I watch on TV that I have lost sight of what is most important. Some of my prayers even involve what is on TV and what is in the movies.  I was referring to myself.  I don't wish to rationalize anything but I guess rationalization is what can help me at the moment.  They are fictional. They are not real.  I cannot judge someone by what they play on tv or in the movies.  I will never know these people nor will I meet these people.  I love music but I will never meet Lady Gaga or even Mariah Carey.  I appreciate their work but I don't know if they are nice or if they are mean.  I guess that to someone with OCD, it should no longer matter, but the OCD says that it does.  I have come to realize that God is forever and life is just too short.  I have the control over what to watch, or what to read.  That is what I have to realize if I were to "defeat" the obsessive thoughts and the anxiety.

Time

Today could easily be a day of disappointment.  As a believer, it has its own day thereof yet it is a 24 hour continuation of yesterday.  Today unlike yesterday is a gift.  Really?  If it has its own evil thereof then why is the present a gift?  My guess is that today July 21, 2014 will be the only day that will be exactly July 21, 2014.  It will always be another July 21, but the past is the past and we just h ave to count it all joy during the present.  It is hard to explain but things and dates and years will change but there are things that will never change.  Like I do, we could use a dose of stability.  We could all use a dose of the truth right now.  I guess that is what it means when it says that time is of the essence.

RIP James Garner

Trying and wanting to be healthy

I just woke up less than an hour ago and now I am too tired to muse on anything except for the error of my ways.  It is about trying to be healthy.  I am worried.  I admit that my eating habits are poor yet my exercise regimen is better.  I am concerned that my health will get worse despite the fact that I am exercising and making a long term goal of losing weight and living a healthy lifestyle.  Maybe if I were to figure out the healthy lifestyle part, then maybe I would know what I am doing.  The truth is, I don't.  I need help and I need support.  But most of all, I need wisdom and knowledge.

Psalm 101:3

I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.... Psalm 101:3

I wonder if it is about television watching.  There are a lot of negative influences that come from the television screen from a glorification of violence and sex, to false preaching.  Maybe it is better if I didn't even have a television.  I know that I watch a lot of television and now I realize that in that case, I have set many wicked things before I eyes.  But I think that it is about serving the Lord and cleaving to Him.  What is not vanity is serving the One True Lord.  All else is vanity.  One who is blameless before God is to reject those things that are not of God and the glorification of what I sometimes watch on TV and in the movies are of those things that do not glorify God.  A healthy avoidance and rejection of evil works are good.  I wasn't sure about the difference because the healthy avoidance due to God's Word or the unhealthy avoidance of not watching TV, movies, or other forms of media and entertainment because of the disorder.  Having obsessive compulsive disorder is at times difficult and avoidance is one of the symptoms.  I wonder sometimes if I am using the Bible to justify this form of avoidance.  I am glad to write that this is no longer the case.  In the past I have allowed the OCD to rule me and make me scared often.  Now that hte thoughts have lessened, I realize that the thoughts are just that, thoughts. It is still annoying and infidelity does not go away but what cheaters do is none of my business when it doesn't concern me.  If a character cheats, then it is someone else wrote about it.  They are fictional, not real.  I cannot hate a character because it wouldn't make sense.  However, a healthy avoidance because of the vanity of the world and because of not setting anything evil before my eyes does make sense.

Reflections on suffering

I pray for those who lost their lives in the Ukraine today.  I can only imagine what their loved ones are going through.  Why would anyone do this I wish I knew?  Why do people suffer?  I wrote about it not long ago and I believe that there are many reasons why we suffer.  I think that many people cause their own suffering through bad choices.  Others are like Job, who was a godly man, yet Satan inflicted upon him illness and grave loss.  Yet Job remain faithful.  Job is a lesson that we all need from.  This book is something I can somewhat, relate to.  I feel like at times I am suffering though I have much to be grateful for.  I never really thought I could reflect on suffering but I have never learned to rejoice in suffering.  How can that be done?

How do I count it all joy in the midst of suffering?  I guess to die to the flesh is to gain Jesus Christ, our Savior.  I believe that is how I count it all joy.  I never thought about that until now.  I have a heart, example, for those persecuted in other countries and it amazes me how much they are suffering.  It is sad yet awe-inspiring at the same time.  Here are people willing to die for Jesus yet many in America are dying another death, which is a spiritual one.  We are dying in the Spirit but are still alive in the flesh, which is a sad, backwards way to live.

I felt like my suffering comes in the form of fear and anxiety.  I have issues that I face, but sometimes I don't realize that there are others who have bigger crosses to bear than I do.  I am reminded of those who cannot get out of bed because they are obese, paralyzed, depressed, and have AIDS and cancer.  I pray for strength in those times and that people who are obese will get healthy as well for those with cancer, MS, and AIDS.  My hope is that I have a heart for others and not only think of myself and my issues, which are minor compared to those who are truly suffering.

There are people who don't seem to have a care in the world.  However, though they may be smiling on the outside, they are probably miserable on the inside.  They, unlike me, are good at hiding whatever pain and anguish they are going through.  I am reminded of a poem that was written years ago.  It was about a man who was nice enough and seemed to have it all, but one day he killed himself.  That was so startling.  There was no explanation as to why he killed himself.  It was just that he put a bullet through his brain.  He must have felt great pain and thus, was in a dark place to commit suicide.

At the risk of sounding selfish, I have much to be thankful for.  There are others who are suffering far worse and even in the midst of suffering count it all joy.  They don't hide their pain, but they know that there is Help along the way.  They have a greater reward and they see it.  They reflect on it and most of all, they live it.  To me, those are the real role models.

Baked spaghetti Casserole

Ingredients
1-16 oz. box whole wheat spaghetti
2 cans tomatoes
1 large can of Hunts pasta sauce
1 tsp each, salt and pepper
2 tsp garlic powder
1 Tbsp Italian seasoning
1 cup black olives
1 cup sliced mushrooms
1/2 cup sliced bell peppers
8 oz. shredded cheddar cheese
1 lb. ground beef

Directions
1. In a large saucepan, brown ground beef.  Once browned, set aside.
2. Follow the instructions from the package of spaghetti.  Once the spaghetti is al dente, drain out the water. Set the spaghetti aside.
3. Add the pasta sauce to the drained ground beef.  Once mixed, set that aside.
4. In a large bowl, mix in the spices, mushrooms, olives, canned tomatoes, and bell peppers.  Once mixed, set bowl aside.
5. In a lightly greased sauce pan, pour in 1/2 cup of the spaghetti sauce mixture.  Then add some of the spaghetti.  Then pour 1 cup of the vegetable mix.
6.  Keep layering the sauce, spaghetti, and vegetable mix until all of the ingredients have been used up and the pan is full.  Top with shredded cheddar cheese.
7. Bake in a preheated oven at 350 degrees for 25 minutes uncovered.
8. Once the casserole is ready, let sit for 5-10 minutes.  Finally, serve.  Makes 8 servings.

Musing about the Ten Virgins

Matthew 25: 1-13

“At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. 2 Five of them were foolish and five were wise. 3 The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. 4 The wise ones, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. 5 The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.

6 “At midnight the cry rang out: ‘Here’s the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’

7 “Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. 8 The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.’

9 “‘No,’ they replied, ‘there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’

10 “But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut.

11 “Later the others also came. ‘Lord, Lord,’ they said, ‘open the door for us!’

12 “But he replied, ‘Truly I tell you, I don’t know you.’

13 “Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.

I wonder about that daily.  At least daily lately, especially whenever I have an obsessive thought.  What gets me through is the fact that life here is only temporary.  Eternity is forever.  I am glad that one day all this will be over.  I hope that I have lived my life pleasing the Lord.

I spent so much of my life pleasing other people that I forgot that they too, just like me, are finite beings.  I struggled with that for many years.  I was indecisive and had low self-esteem.  I know that I still have a confidence issue but it seems that my struggle with having low self esteem is ending.

I know that I should be writing about the Ten Virgins parable, but I guess all of us have some interpretation as to how to live one's own life parallel to the Ten Virgins.  It does describe the church and how God will judge us.  Scarcely will the righteous be saved.  I can only imagine what will happen to the Ten Foolish Virgins.

As for me, I will be a Wise Virgin and serve the Lord.

Musings about my weight loss journey

It doesn't do me any good to exercise and not have a healthy diet.  I don't eat in moderation and I don't exercise so much to the point where I can work it off.  I get frustrated at my failures, but maybe the frustration is a good thing.  It is a lesson that is well learned.  I don't wish to plan as I go along.  I go by whenever I change my mind.

It has been urgent since I wish have lost weight.  This morning, I weighed myself and needless to say I gained weight instead of lost.  I brought this on myself.  I could go back to the drawing board and start all over.  But starting all over is not always such a good thing.  I don't wish to erase or anything like that.  That is what I do anyways.

I want to just keep on going.  A lack of procrastination, stress, and frustration will help me to do that.  As I reflect back on the past few days including today I am proud to say that I am doing well under an exercise plan that I have set up for myself.  Now if only I could do the same thing with the meal plan.

RIP Sage Stallone (1976-2012)

I know that I have put up an entry about Sage Stallone.  But I realize that ask I have posted up these pictures, time is fleeting.  It has been only 2 years since his passing.  It is so sad when someone dies so young and has so much potential.  I know nothing about his spiritual state as much as I do his career.  I often wonder about my own spiritual state daily, so this is nothing new.  I pray that he will rest in peace.

 "On the Trail of Alan Yates"

 Beautiful Tribute to Sage Stallone

Commentary, questions, and opinions about US media

It is a rather interesting question that I asked.   I believe that much of the US media tends to be more selective when it comes to how some of their stories are presented to the public. That I believe is why there are some media outlets dedicated to different ethnic groups such as Ebony for blacks, and Telemundo for Latinos. This isn't to say that other groups don't read Ebony or watch Telemundo. What is the demographic that the "mainstream" media outlets try to reach? I have noticed that there is some racism and classism when it comes to stereotyping. For instance, while things are not perfect in the black community, much of what is going on in the black community is not being reported by the "mainstream" media, unless it is reported in Essence or Ebony.

Why does the "mainstream" media report on the disproportionate number of black men statistically end up in the prison system; meanwhile, the "mainstream" media rarely reports at times the majority of young black men statistically will not end up dead or in the prison system? I have to find out on talk shows, Facebook feeds, and so-called "black" media to get a balanced story or two on what is truly going on in the black community. Blacks are not considered a part of the "mainstream" as far as demographics, media, etc because of the prevailing views and the truth that there is a lot of elitism, racism, and ideological divide in how things are reported in mass media. I have noticed when people say "racist" they automatically think "white people" or when they think of "welfare" and "food stamps" they automatically think of "black people", or the reports of "illegal immigration" they think of "Mexican and Mexican-Americans". I don't like how much of the "mainstream" media reports its stories. The truth is anyone can be racist, an illegal immigrant, or be on food stamps and welfare.

All of these points may sound dumb to you, but in your view, does mainstream automatically mean "white people" since they are the majority (I'm black-American.)? Or is the word "mainstream" unfair since the US is a diverse nation and there isn't any legal segregation since black people and Latinos are now integrated into US society despite the problems that exist. Most blacks are not poor or in prison or victims of the racist white man or on welfare, but there sure are a lot of reports on it. I am just wondering.

I hope that my points don't come across as rather naive but there are things I have noticed. For instance, we have a story of the 300+ girls in Nigeria who are missing though the stories of terrorism and extremism has gone on in Nigeria for a long time now. Dozens of University students have been killed before the story about the 300+ female students who are now reported missing. In other words, if this were 300+ US American or European girls, would the "mainstream" media have reported on this sooner? I hope that I am wrong and that the race of these young girls don't matter which in reality don't, but I do wonder.

Having bipolar disorder

I have a blog called Bipolar Musings on Facebook.  It too is about musings and reflections.  I don't always write reflections like I do with this site, but I do post videos and affirmations at times.  Having bipolar isn't always easy.  Neither is having OCD.  They are closely linked so I may as a bipolar have anxiety.  Those with OCD may (or may not) have depression or mood swings.

I have had my moments with both mania and depression.  There are times when I doubted that I had bipolar. I thought that maybe I was misdiagnosed.  I wondered if I were schizophrenic or have some other condition. But I wonder if I have another mental and psychological issue because I can (somewhat) relate to a schizophrenic.

I don't have many of the symptoms however.  Depression is something that is hard to get hard out of.  You want to be set free from the depth of depression, the hopelessness, and the guilt.  At the same time, being manic doesn't seem so bad.  However, it can be deceptive in that despite not being depressed, a person diagnosed with manic depression can also be anxious and irritable.

I am just reflecting on my life today.  Having bipolar is no joke.

"And the Beat Goes On" by the Whispers

"And the Beat Goes On" by the Whispers is an underrated, dance-worthy song.  I loved listening to "Rock Steady" by them as well.  I still do.  In fact, while they are well known, chart topping groups, I still think they are underrated compared to say, Earth, Wind, and Fire.  I love that group no doubt, but they are both awesome.  I love listening to old school music because it is so good.  It isn't about dissing women or other celebs.  It is about just having fun and sending a message.  I love music like that.  Dissing people in music is a part of many rap songs and most wrestling promos, but dissing other celebs is totally unprofessional and classless.  It is one thing to criticize a leader's policies but sometimes people can say and do low down dirty things to one another and I just don't like that.  It seems to me like class is optional, even on some award shows, but that is just my own opinion.

Random Musings

I am learning to embrace having obsessive compulsive disorder.  I am feeling better yet I still have disturbing thoughts and images.  Those are quite difficult to embrace.  It will probably take a while before I do so. The topic is the same.

I purchased a new pedometer which I plan to use daily.  I love exercise and I want to lose weight.  I also want to keep it off.  It came via fedex this afternoon and I have to say that I enjoy the accuracy of this product.  It feel so good that I lost a few inches today.  Losing weight helps me to feel better.  I feel more accomplished when I do so.

I am embracing the fact that I have a crush on people.  Yes, I am 39, so I have adult crushes, even on dead people.  Yep, I am mad.  However, it feels good to embrace.  First it was Mickey Rourke, and now Sly Stallone and now even his son Sage.  It will be two years since his passing and while I never knew him, I wish I did.  He was awesome in his first row.  It is sad that I will not be able to see him in other things. Crushes are nothing to laugh about...now.  They are just like fantasies except they idealize the other person, even if the feelings will mostly be unrequited.  In most cases, that is how it is with me.

I guess it is a Christmas in July thing.  That is why Hallmark has been airing all of these Christmas movies.  It reminds me to celebrate the fact that My Savior was born.  He may have been born on exactly December 25, but He was born.  He was raised by great parents, for sure.  I wondered sometimes what it would be like for finite, imperfect people to raise a perfect child.  I wonder what happened during Jesus' teenage years and most of His childhood.  How did He deal with bullies?  Did He have a lot of friends?  Was He really popular or did other kids think He was weird?  I wonder how great a student Jesus was.  As if.  I guess it never mattered but those years would have been interesting.  Jesus is Savior and Lord.  Thank You, Lord.

Temptation

Temptation is definitely a part of my life as a believer.  It seems to be a necessary evil in a cold, dark world such as this.  Sadly, I give in to temptation especially when it comes to the issue that I had yesterday.  I wonder what were to happen if I didn't feel so weak because I always give in to temptation.  I guess I figure that one time wouldn't hurt.  However, that is incredibly deceptive to anyone much less a believer in Christ.  I realize that Jesus has overcome all evil and all sin, but as a flawed human, that can be quite hard to grasp.  In short, life can be difficult sometimes, especially when we don't see that our actions have consequences whenever we don't weigh the options.  That is my problem.  I need to weigh the options regardless of whatever decision I make.

Reflections of last night

Last night, I prayed to my heart's content, and then I messed up.  Wow.  I don't feel so good about that.  I have made bad choices at times but I do feel guilty about that one.  I feel like a total hypocrite especially with this particular sin.  I remember having this issue when I was a child.  I find myself fascinated by this particular issue and its specifics.  I had no idea that it would be as bad as it was last night.  I find myself hating what I did and trying to shield myself lately.  I am supposed to abstain from the appearance of all evil and last night, I failed.  I am not happy with myself about that.

I posted up new videos today

 "The Lord's Prayer"

 "Temptation is a part of the believer's walk."

 "Parable of the Ten Virgins"

These are three of the videos I posted this weekend.  I hope that they will at least do something to minister to others.  I have been having doubts about that.  I have been posting videos to YouTube in the last few years and it can be a tedious task, especially waiting for the video to upload.  Creating the videos are quite easy but it can be tedious the longer the video.  As I reflect back on these videos, I realize that the truths that I wrote about a long time ago are still the same truths I wrote about today and posted online.

Urgent Message to the World...Repent! For the Kingdom is at hand!....Jesus Saves!

Urgent Message to the World


There is evidence that we are definitely running out of time-and excuses! There is so much going on that it seems that there is no hope. But there is hope. It is only a prayer away. All you have to do is to call on that hope. His name is Jesus Christ.

God's Word says so. Romans 10:9 writes, "If you declare with your lips, "Jesus is Lord", and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." It goes on further to state in verse 13, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." That truth has been stated so that the people will understand this.

Life is too short. No amount of religion or good works will save you. No amount of money or influence will save you. No amount of drugs, cigarettes, or alcohol will save you. You will not find answers to your innermost questions on television or on the radio, though there are people who are truly proclaiming the gospel on those mediums. That is only because they never claim to be the answers. They know Jesus is the answer. They proclaim this truth in their messages all the time.

Jesus loves you. God does exist. Jesus died on the cross for you and rose again on the third day. Jesus is the answer. Don't reject Him. Don't reject the Father. I am telling you the truth.

Drugs? Alcohol? Homosexuality? Bitter? Unforgiving? Racist? Sexist? Liar? Greedy? Religious? Hypocrite? Backstabber? Atheist or Agnostic? Fearful? Muslim, Buddhist, or worship other gods? Cursing or gossiping? Rapist? Murderer? Drug Dealer? Gangster? Theif? Full of hate? Jealousy or envy? Child Molestor?

There are a large number of sins that I have not covered, but for all of these sins and the ones listed above, Jesus is the answer. Jesus will forgive your sins, no matter how bad, except when you blaspheme the Holy Spirit or don't repent of your sins. Don't wait until it is too late. Call on Him now.



Are You Ready?

Do you just believe in God, but have not repented?

Have you accepted Jesus once but have fallen away?

Do you have unforgiveness in your life?

Have you been deceived by false prophets?

Are you a Mormon, Jehovah's Witness, Pentecostal, or Catholic?

Do you harbor hatred for anyone?

Do you have sinful thoughts?

Have you committed adultery or fornication?

Are you a homosexual or bisexual?

Are you an atheist or an agnostic?

Do you reject the Trinity?

Have you ever taken God's name in vain?

Do you believe that to get to Heaven, you have to live a good life?

Do you pass judgement on others?

Do you think that others should get saved and get right, but don't take the time to get your own self right?

Do you defraud others?

Have you ever engaged in prostitution or any other areas of the sex industry?

Have you ever supported the sex industry in any other way?

Have you compromised your beliefs?

Are you into the occult, astrology, psychics, and the like?

Are you into drugs, alcohol, and cigaretts?

Have you ever ridiculed God, the Bible, etc?

Do you not believe that Jesus is equal to the Father?

Do you love money and family more than God?

Are you ashamed of the Gospel of Jesus Christ?

Do you believe that the Bible is not relevant for these times?

Do you feel that the Commandments are just suggestions?

Do you feel that a little white lie or just a little bit of sin won't hurt?

Do you believe that Islam and other religions are sister faiths to Christianity and Judaism?

Do you believe that one faith is just as good as another?

Do you believe that homosexuality is right or do you hate homosexuals?



I suggest that you take this test. It is not vital that you answer a number of questions to be saved, but it is vital that we all "get our houses in order". We all need to get ourselves right with God. Even a little sin is a big sin in God's sight. We live in a world where there is so much deception and hatred. Holiness is vital to the Christian life. We as Christians are not to agree with the world. Those who are saved need to know the truth before it is too late. If you hold any beliefs contrary to the Word of God, then you are not ready. You do not love the Lord because you have not kept His commandments. You are not abiding in Him. "Repent! For the kingdom of God is at hand." (Matthew 3)


If you have said yes...
...however not to Jesus Christ but to any of the questions on the left, then you need to repent. The Bible says, "even a little leaven leavens the whole." One sin could cause you your salvation just because you have not repented. To even be a righteous person, you have to repent. To be a holy person, you have to repent. To be a godly person, you have to repent. Repent. Repent. Repent. I cannot stress this enough. It is not a feel-good gospel. It is the truth. Feel good gospels and chants won't make you free. Say yes to Jesus Christ. Say yes to the truth.

Who is vital to your salvation?
Jesus Christ is. Admit that you are a sinner who is in need of Jesus Christ, for He is the ONLY way to God. Read John 14:6. There is no other way.

Believe that God raised Him from the dead. He died on the cross for us and rose on the dead on the third day.
He is real. He was born of a virgin and preached to multitudes of people. He was incarnated. He was God in the flesh. He was part of the world's creation in Genesis and He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
All of this is the truth. I am telling you the Good News. The world as we know it will end. Sin is punishable by death. There is a Heaven and there is definitely a Hell.

You don't have to answer 80 questions to be saved. You don't have to dress appropriately to be saved. You don't need to chant to be saved. All you have to do is come as you are. All you have to do is confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead. Call on the name of Jesus. (Romans 10:9,13)

If you do believe that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised you from the dead, I ask that you pray this prayer,
"Jesus, you are Lord. I believe that you died on the cross for me and God raised you from the dead. I am a sinner in need of You. Forgive me for all of my sins. Save me, Jesus. I also ask that my name be written in Heaven. I thank you for saving me, in Jesus' name, Amen."


Confess your newfound faith with someone. Do not be ashamed. Do not deny
Him. Yes, there are people who call themselves Christian and really are.

We are all Americans despite the colors of the flags below

Whatever the color of the skin or the flag, one thing is for sure, we are all Americans.  I have read articles about whether or not I as a black person should celebrate the Fourth of July.  The reasoning is because of the denied promises of America for black Americans, many feel that we should not celebrate it.  Rather, black people should just skip it.  I don't agree.  I think that regardless of ancestry, history, or skin tone, we are all Americans and that the promise of America should still stand.  Whether or not our last names are English, Nigerian, Arabic, Spanish, or Chinese, we are all here.  Many people have failed in their promises and injustices have been done but all of the American people cannot and should not be blamed for whatever someone else has done, including their ancestors.  I look to the many who fought and died for this country, whether it is in Europe, Iraq, or Afghanistan.  Even in American, many fought and died so that the nation would hopefully be united, which it finally is.  As tragic as the Civil War was, 4 million or so slaves were freed.  As tragic as the lives being lost in Iraq and Afghanistan, Sadaam Hussein is no longer in power.  To me I see July 4th as not a barbecue day or a day of oppression but truly a day of freedom, liberty, possibility, and the honor of many.  July 4th to me symbolizes what could be a better, brighter America.  As an American, I am proud to be a part of a beacon of light to the world.  As a black person, I am proud to be an American who comes from an American people who came a mighty long way.  From slavery and segregation to the middle class and integration, not only have we came a long way, but so as America.

"Reflections" by the Supremes

I am not sure about my blog containing reflections and musings as the title states.  That is why I posted this video.

Anyways, as I approach 40, I reflect back on my life and wonder if I have accomplished anything.  I feel like I am set in my ways.  My ways haven't changed, much.  That could be either a good thing or a bad thing.

My life like all of our lives have been filled with disappointments, ups, and downs.  In life no one is immune. As I look back I realize that there are things that I wish I could change and there are times when I wouldn't change a thing.  Reflection is about honesty and I am just being honest.

Video of the day; "I Won't Have to Worry Anymore" by Jeff and Sheri Easter

1. Down here the burdens are heavy and the road is rough and long,
Sometimes my feet grow weary and so slow.
There's a brighter day a coming, soon I'll step on heaven's shore,
And I won't have to worry anymore.
CHORUS:

No I won't have to worry when I reach the other shore.
All my troubles will be over and I'll rest forevermore.
My eyes will be on Jesus, and my heart will be aglow,
And I won't have to worry anymore.

2. Someday when life is over and I've said my last goodbyes,
I'll see the Savior standing at the door.
I'll hear him say, "You're welcome. All your cares you've left behind
And I won't have to worry anymore.

 CHORUS:

RIP, Aaliyah

"Rock the Boat"

"We Need a Resolution"