Power and control

Turning things over to God can very well be difficult.  I am so used to want to fix things for myself because oftentimes I feel so powerless.  How ironic is that?  It is true, though.  Powerless is a feeling or is it purely based on reality?  I have learned that power is like a road.  Either you can have power or choose to take your power back or actually be and/or remain powerless.  Life is like a road sometimes because life is a journey of choices. 

I have failed to see that sometimes and tend to do things first then think of the consequences later.  That is not a good way to live.  In my case, it is because of a lack of exhibiting self-control.  Self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit and there is no law.  I believe that there is no law because it about living for God.  How can a person truly live for God without at least a modicum of self-control?  One who lacks self-control cannot be a good witness for God.

That is what I have wondered about.  How can I be a good witness for God if I have so much baggage it seems?  I am not so sure how much baggage I have, but it is enough to know that I am here to write that.  My weight has been a baggage because of the powerless issue.  It is not what one thinks.  It is the frustration about being powerless to do or change anything.  Being overweight is not the worst thing in the world.

It isn't the healthiest though.  I have enough health problems to make me feel bad about myself.  I ask myself how I allowed myself to gain so much weight over the years.  I also ask myself why I didn't take care of myself better.  Being fat doesn't suck, though society and the world at large will say so.  Society says that being fat is the worst thing that a person could be.  It is true that there are health issues that fat people have to deal with, but along with that there are some fat people who have low self-esteem.  The world is a cruel place to be anyone who doesn't fit society's standard of what is acceptable.

I hated that and I still do.  That is part of the baggage that I have been caring.  I wonder how people would view me sometimes because of my weight.  Will I ever find a date?  Do people really respect me or want to truly get to know me?  You see, I cared too much what others think.  This entry has helped me to realize that one should concentrate to fix what is on the inside as well as what they wish to change on the outside.  Notice I said WHAT THEY WISH, not the government, not the world at large, and not anyone else.  I realized that what makes someone powerless is to have your own power and control.  However, power and control are and should be in God's hands.  Once the power is in God's hands and realize that He has the control and power in Your life when one realize that is when we have power and control.  God guides us and gives us a sense of direction.  That is what I need right now.  This is something that I wish I could write.  Sometimes, in order for things to change, one has to do what seems hard.