Approval

I do care too much what others think.  I realize that it is silly.  I too much look for the approval of others.  It is a big mistake to look for the approval of others.  It is time for me to stand on my own two feet.  That is one thing that I have learned over the years.  I am here to write this because I feel like I have been insulted, made fun of, laughed at, and judged one way or another.  I have feelings and they hurt.  I have kept my tongue over the years and didn't react.  It was as if no one cared about me or my feelings.  I felt alone in the world and sometimes I still do.  It is as if no one cares what I think.  I have to take action for me.  It is over with the judgements and the laughter of others, but I still remember some of it like it was yesterday. 

It has gone on to this very day and I feel that others have no clue.  But I wonder if they even care.  Maybe it is their loss and not mine.  The only thing I can do is forgive and move on with my life.  That is what my obsessive thoughts are all about.  I have had obsessive thoughts about being bullied and they are so expanded to the point where they are hard to shake.  They play on my hurt feelings and my insecurities and I don't know where to stop these thoughts.  They are some of the most bothersome thoughts that I ever had because I was teased when I was younger.  I largely got over them but the thoughts keep coming back every once in a while.  They have a mind of their own, but I do too have a mind of their own.  I need to deal with these thoughts and why I have them.  I need not to let these thoughts and the world get me down.  The world does not love me, but God does.  Now, all I have to do is apply the word of God to my life.

The world like I said, does not love me.  I am no longer of the world, but I am a child of the living God.  I am saved, so I need to act like it.  I need not to fear confrontation.  I am to be anxious for nothing.  I have become obsessed with what others think for so long, it is going to be difficult to not think of the approval of others.  I look at my life and I am thankful for its many blessings.  There is nothing I can do about the past, but the present is a gift.  To me, it will not be a cliche.