Some more videos...

 "Let it Go" by Dewayne Woods

"Never Would Have Made It" by Marvin Sapp

"We Fall Down but We Get Up" by Donnie McClurkin

"No Weapon" by Frend Hammond

Accepting and conquering obsessive thoughts about infidelity

Today I realize that it is best to tackle fear head on.  As someone who is a bipolar with anxiety issues, it is much harder to do than most.  It is as if I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.  I have allowed these thoughts and fears to take over and I mean take over.  It doesn't help that I have quite a few struggles including how I feel about myself.  Is there a link between anxiety and how one feels about themselves?  I do and now I wonder if I had dealt with the anxiety then I would like myself more.  Maybe there is no link at all.  I don't know.

That is how I feel meanwhile about why I have obsessive thoughts about infidelity at all.  The truth is, I will never know.  The best thing to deal with these thoughts is to accept the fact that I have them. I have my own thoughts about infidelity and I do come across as a hypocrite since according to the thoughts, a promiscuous wife is no wife at all.  She is selfish and contemptible.  I don't think of the cheating man in the same way as it is in his DNA.  Men usually cheat more than women.

However, reality says different.  Men and women cheat.  While most women and men are faithful, I focus on those who have committed infidelity.  I have to fight these thoughts daily.  I am afraid of the triggers.  The anxiety and the fear has had a control over my life for many years.  It all started out within the past decade.  Things have changed.  My health has gotten worse, and my self-esteem lowered and I became more self-conscious.  On the other hand, I became older, wiser, and more spiritual.  If I could embrace aging then I could embrace anything.  How hard can it be?

It has been hard to say the least.  How can reconcile reality and how I feel about infidelity to what my mind says to me?  It has been hard for me to reconcile fact from fiction.  For example a fictional wife is caught in bed with another man, therefore I hate her and the person who plays her.  The stories of actual cheating wives don't bother me anymore.  OCD makes no sense and it probably never has. Trying to apply logic to OCD is impossible.  The best thing I can do is not only to face the fear head on but to not rationalize or fight but to embrace it as a thought that goes against all that I have and all who I am.  I have to just see it as a thought, nothing less, nothing more.

I know that infidelity is wrong and it is a selfish, sinful act in which there is no justification.  I realize that one doesn't have to be pure evil or immoral to do wrong.  On the other hand, it doesn't make one a good person either.  I am not saying that adulterers are all evil, but if that were the case, so are the rest of us.  I too am an adulterer.  I am unfaithful, selfish, and have done some evil, cowardly things in my life.  For example, a man who has said that his dead wife slept with everyone.  I can dismiss it as a thought and that she did not literally sleep with everyone, but she should not have cheated with so many people.  If the person was a man, then I would say the same thing.  Having said all of that, maybe I should take the time to write out those thoughts and then replace them with what is real and what is mundane and what is true.  What is true is that like Gomer and the adulteress in John 8, the two guilty women were redeemed and that unrepentant sinners like adulterers do not spend eternity with God.  What is also true is that like the adulterer we all are against the Lord.  I could just replace these thoughts with true thoughts that express what I feel about the situation and how I truly feel about said adulterer.  I thought about it this morning and I realize some strategy has be be used to view the thoughts as illogical and something to embrace.  It is hard to explain but the strategy is to not to let the fear and anxiety take over.  I hope this "strategy" works.

Am I being unfair? Should I be leery of politicians in general?

I like Senator Ted Cruz and Trey Gowdy. I am sure they are examples of people who want to change things in Washington. However, despite their views, should I also be leery of them? After all, they are politicians. Should I be leery of even those whose views I agree with? It seems to me that politics is or has gotten too dirty (and way too partisan) and there are too many politicians who are corrupt or dishonest. I figure that anyone including they could be tempted because of the godlessness and corruption that is out in the political spectrum. Am I being unfair to be so leery of even those who don't (yet) have reputations or being corrupt, money hungry, or liars?

Taking a much needed break...

 "It Feels so Good" by Sonique

"The Storm is Over Now" by Kirk Franklin and God's Property (?)"

 "His Eye is on the Sparrow" by Lauryn Hill and Tonya Blount

 "Overprotected" by Britney Spears

 "Can't Fight the Moonlight" by Leann Rimes

Have race relation at least in the US, REALLY gotten worse?

Have race relations worsened under the Obama Administration or have they been exposed because a man of color is running the country? It seems to me like the concept of who or what is racist have changed so much that it has almost seem to lost its meaning. The racism is subtle where I am from, so there is some prejudice here. Yet most of the people tend to get along, at least when I was a student 20 years ago. I say this at the risk of showing my age. Needless to say that there has always been racism and will always remain until Jesus comes back.

I believe racism is a sin and a spiritual sin at that. There is so much hatred, prejudice, and bigotry in the church, which is ironic considering that some of the most racist, hate filled bigots are either "persons of color", religious, and other groups who have been "oppressed" or looked down upon by the larger society. I wonder why that is. Now, having said this, my question is, will true racism, bigotry, and prejudice all worsen before Jesus' return?

It seems like it and I believe that things will get even worse in the near future. Is it also a sign of the end times according to Matthew 24? I know at first I wrote about the current US President but I have noticed that people have either become more resentful (and not just about the economy) and divisive, but could it also be that what is going on is just exposing the racism, bigotry, and prejudice that is already alive and well? It also seems to be "talk of a race war" and the exclusion and name calling of others.

Respect of others seem to be lacking in all direction (and just a white on "minority" thing, but a black on white thing, etc). It is a sad state that many people of color blame the white man for the ills or blame blacks for all of the problems and that have made things worse. Also, how come much of the church doesn't preach on that? I guess I am sheltered but there are even churches who preach racial and ethnic supremacy. I have my own beliefs, but I wonder too why is it that within the US Church is there so much hatred among the races. I know of people who go to church and pray to God on Sunday, but they are more prejudiced or openly hate other groups Monday through Saturday. How come they don't seem to care that a religious unrepentant racist or bigot will not end up in Heaven when they die?

I know that I am someone who is concerned about this issue. I can and will not try to save a person as I don't have any power. However, I believe that because we live in world says that we should not judge but love the person, but hate their sin, we forget that even the true believers shall judge the angels. I am not saying that we should hate racists, bigots, or those who are prejudiced.

Many in the US church do not see that while there are historical reasons why this is so, they see no problems with the segregation of races. I believe a pastor who thinks we should love those and that God will judge their hearts. I believe that while it is well-meaning, it is unbiblical because God will judge people, but not in the way that many people will think. I believe that biblically God will judge whether one is truly repentant and obedient and saved, or whether it is the opposite. I don't think that God will just judge a person's heart. Even many unrepentant sinners have good hearts. But that all is my two cents. I know that this is a rather long rant, but this and other issues have me fired up. That is all.

Discouragement over these obsessive thoughts

I am discouraged today.  I am suffering and tired of being anxious.  Right now, all that I have learned and all that I am afraid of has been greatly disconcerting.  I feel like giving up and let nature take its course.  My thoughts are about infidelity.  Sometimes the thoughts are easy to deal with.  At other times the thoughts are so bothersome that they are anxiety-ridden and cause me to be frustrated.  I have anxiety about things that do not concern me.  It looks to be of great concern but because I have been taking such a great interest in infidelity the anxiety disappears, if only for a minute.  Then it comes back again. I have a hard time during those times and I need help.  Maybe God is trying to help me through those issues but what?

Why do we mistreat and dehumanize others?

I believe that abortion is a sin .  I just have an issue with the murder of a child.  I just feel that anyone who practices abortion has blood on their hands.  It is another form of dehumanization just like what happened to blacks over 150 years ago and Jews over 65 years ago.  This is sick and so sad.  No one deserves to be misinterpreted.  As a matter of fact, I am watching a sermon on abortion and the 'preacher' mentioned Dredd Scott and what happened to the Jews in Europe.  It is sick how people can have that power to dehumanize another 'citizen of the world' just like how some people have this either in the United States that has happened to fellow citizens.  It makes me wonder how difficult it would be to bless a nation where groups of people have been and unfortunately will continued to be divided.  That is ungodly in of itself.  In my opinion, God, help us all.