I'm so tired

Right now, I just don't feel like it.  That is not a good feeling to have.  I am not proud of having those feelings but I am down and I am feeling down.  I have been suffering from back pain and I wish I could just get over it.  I have a degenerative disc condition.  It is time for me to lose weight.  I am scared.  Putting things into action is in itself scary.  However, with fear comes rewards.  I cannot believe I just wrote that.  Maybe it is a godly fear I am referring to.  I hope that it is.  Right now I don't feel that I have a godly fear but a real fear of failure.  I would like to overcome it, and that is for sure.

Alvin Darling and Celebration "Lord Do it for Me"

I usually add the lyrics below the video, but I have decided not to do that today.  I believe that God wanted me to do something more. I don't know what to do but this song was in my head.  I believe that He is telling me something.  Sady, I don't know what it is yet.  I guess from the lyrics it is about the Lord's ability to do for us, for He is infinite.  I am not so sure.  

Weight Watchers

I have joined Weight Watchers this morning.  I must take some action if I wish to lose weight and keep it off.  My eating habits are poor and will remain so if I do nothing about them.  I don't have a binge problem but I do overeat.  I engage in mindless eating.  Mindful eating has been a problem for me.  I realize that all things can be done if I just take action.  It will be a challenge but I believe that it can be done.

Drinking and loving coffee

I have no love for nausea or strained eyes.  I know that I drank a whole lot of coffee and tea today. Maybe that is what is wrong with me.  I drank way too much coffee.  It is time I look up information on drinking too much coffee especially.  I just love coffee.  I just love the smell of brewed coffee whatever the time of day.  I even brew early in the evening.  I realize that coffee drinking, at least too much of it, may not be healthy.  I remember drinking coffee ever since I was a kid.  It was a drink of grown people, not kids.  That is okay.  Now that I'm grown, I just have a love of coffee, decaf or not, whatever flavor.  I just hope that I don't love coffee too much, but I guess things could be worse.

So far, so good

For the past two days, I have had matters that have weighed on my heart.  It feels good reflecting back to the past.  In this case, it has been music from 15-30 years ago, including a theme song.  It takes me to a much happier and at least, a less bothersome and simpler time.  I miss times like this. This is the case even though I am still young enough to be up to date but old enough to reminisce to quote Mary J. Blige.  Don't worry about me.  I've been middle aged since I was 30.  I am over 40 and I am more energetic than ever and as it seems, my midlife crisis has passed.  I know that 2016 has just started, but so far, so good.

More conviction and a need to change

Lord, I ask for the clarity that I received yesterday.  You have answered my prayers and continue to do so.  Thank You for the peace of mind You have given me.  I ask for the conviction that I need to watch television and movies.  I am obsessed with some celebrities and I watch movies that feature actors who degrade themselves and who curse and take Your name in vain.  Now I wonder if I should watch some sports like sanctioned sports. I cannot be hypocritical and allow myself to be convicted of videos on You Tube while watching sanctioned sports.  I have allowed my obsessive thoughts to give me too much focus on how I should entertain myself as far as what to watch and listen to.  For instance, I wonder sometimes if I should watch soaps, even though I find them cleaner than say, Jerry Springer.

I sometimes wonder if I should watch indy films and some action films because of the violent content.  I know about avoiding sexual content, but how about violent content?  Sometimes I need to realize that some reality shows and other shows I watch may not also be good for me.  Lord, I am sometimes confused and lack knowledge of how I entertain myself as far as watching some videos, movies, and tv shows, and music videos that I watch and music that I listen to.  I read mainly the Bible as far as books go and some nonfiction.  Lord, give me the answers that I so need.  I am listening and waiting for Your answer.

I ask for wisdom and guidance as to how to spend my time.  I don't spend much time doing other things and I want to.  I need help in every area of my life, including how I spend my time.  I realize that I listen to music and use the computer all the time. Exercise would be a good idea but I rarely or don't do so.  Maybe it is time that I do so.  The only reasons that I live how I live right now is because I am either bored, listening to the opinions of others, or I feel safe and sheltered.  I want to change that.  I have doubts that I can serve You sitting on the computer being entertained most of the day.  I would also like to get out of the house.

I am not free since I often walk on eggshells around people.  I feel like I am being controlled and I have been somewhat convicted but no by You, but by others.  I need You, Lord.  Thank You, O Lord, and I praise You, Lord and Savior.  Forgive me of all of my sins.  I ask that You would grant me peace of mind and freedom from fear, worry, anxiety, and doubt.  I cast all of my cares over to You, for everything detail is important to You.  In Jesus' name, Amen.

Food for thought...putting things into perspective

I live in a nation where there are so many people who are overweight and obese for a variety of reasons.  I guess we have a different relationship with food than those in other countries.  I wonder if the rest of the world thinks that we have nothing to complain about since the US is a wealthy nation. Most people eat when we are hungry.  We can satisfy our hunger and our cravings.  We also eat to live.  I realize that those are the things that I have lately thought about because of my own relationship with food.  I love food.  It is just that food doesn't love me back anymore. I eat for a number of reasons including boredom, procrastination, holidays, and because of what stands for in my eyes.  But what if I lived in a far off corner of the world where people are starving and dying of starvation?  What would my relationship with food be?  I guess what I am trying to say is that I need to be mindful of those who aren't in a rich nation where the food supply is plentiful and where many go without food.  I wonder what they will think of a person who looks like me who feels guilty because I have gained so much weight over the years.  I have taken food for granted.

Maybe that is, in a way why, I have gained weight.  I don't feel guilty about being born in and living here as I rather be nowhere else, but I wonder what it would be like to not have enough to feed my family.  What were to happen if I live for a day or two without a full belly and clean water?  That puts things in even greater perspective about my relationship with food.  I am ever thankful and ever grateful for what I do have, I am sheltered and sometimes I feel safe being sheltered.  I do ask for a way out of my "world" and do something else however. I complain about that a lot.  I am now finally realizing what it really means to be thankful and to be grateful.  I guess that would be the advice those who are in need would say to me.  Their advice for me is to be grateful for what I have and to not waste my life on things that are not as important.  Focus on what I do have and be content for there are many who have none.  As I write this, someone will get sick, malnourished, and probably leave this planet because of a lack of food and clean water.
 
Prayer:
Lord, help us and forgive us who take food for granted to be ever mindful of those who have without. Let us trade places with those who are in need.  Let us not forget that where ever we are we have much to be thankful and grateful for.  Forgive us for our lack of compassion and understanding for we could too be in need one day.  Change us and not just change our relationships with food, but with ourselves and with others.  Give us clarity and understanding on what it means to have without. Make us wise to the fact that we as humans should not only have a healthy relationship to food but also to be healthy and made whole.  You created us for Your glory to follow You, for You have given us guidelines in all areas of life, including how and what we eat.  Let us be reminded that we have not just food to eat but that many of us have family, community, and love to give.  In Jesus' name,  Amen.