Help me with my doubt and unbelief

I wondered if my faith is strong enough.  I even wondered if I prayed the right words.  Either way, doubt is frustrating.  I guess I am a doubting Thomas.  I have little faith as of yet.  I even asked God to help me with my unbelief.  It is frustrating as I mentioned earlier.  I am not in a good way, not like I should be.  I am alone in this and I don't know who else or where else to turn.  This situation in my opinion requires strong faith, but with even a little faith, one can remove mountains.  I am not sure if my faith could move a grain of sand or a pebble much less a mountain.  Jesus, help me with my unbelief.  I need Your help.

"4Ever More" by Anthony David, Algebra, and Phonte

The first time I heard this song was on a soul/R&B station.  I have loved this song since.  If I have loved this song, then how come I downloaded this song only to not play it all that much.?  I am weird that way.  Why did I do that?  I guess because I have downloaded so many songs that I just didn't take the time to listen to it.  I love this song because of the talent in this song.  There is also that old school vibe.  It is a song about love.  I sometimes miss songs like that.  However, even today, there are talented artists who have substance and who sing (and rap) as if they have substance.  A lot of today's music lack the catchy-ness and substance that is out there.  It is a shame that this song and these artists are so underrated..  Great song and great video.

"Flaws" by Kierra Sheard

Why is it that we all have to see ourselves only through a reflection?  Can mirrors be deceptive?  I do see a lot of flaws within me.  I can definitely relate to this song.  I have had this problem since I was a kid.  Why can't we really see ourselves physically without a reflection, whether it is a selfie or through video?  When if it is not us?  Do the mirrors show who we truly are or do they magnify who they think we are in reality?  I know that God created me and love who I am.  Why should I trust a world who doesn't love anyone?  Everyone has their opinions?  I am reminded of this because of the above video.  I am flawed, this I know.  But because of that, I am beautiful.  The sad thing is, I have no idea how this relates to me.  I live in a world where people are beautiful in spite of our flaws, not because of them.  That is something that never made much sense.  I have been listening to this particular song since Friday and I still have a hard time getting it to register.  Either I have no self worth or I am just naive of the world.  A reflection is like a shadow.  Is it really us?  Why does it follow us?  I guess because of the existence of both.  I have a hard time seeing myself in that way.  Is it because I feel guilty about gaining so much weight?  Why?  I want to see myself as attractive and I want to know why it is hard for me.  Am I making it hard?  No, I just need wisdom.  The good thing is, all I have to do is ask.

Loving oneself

Help me to see myself as beautiful, Lord.  I do tend to look down on myself.  When others tell me that I look more than flawed, I have a hard time believing it.  Would I feel this way if I were thinner? I wonder.

Being a flawed human being

I haven't always liked myself.  Sometimes I don't think I'm a good person.  However, I realize none of us are outside of the Lord.  My self-worth I believe comes from God.  If only I had realized that before.  Oh well, there is no use crying over spilled milk.  There is also no use to cry about the flaws that I have.  The truth is, we all have flaws.  Some of us don't think so because they seemed to think they are above others, but all of us are flawed, sinful beings.  He loved the flawed, sinful being enough to die on the cross in shame.  However, the Father rose Him from the dead.  He was raised up in glory.  Hallelujah to that.  Maybe that is what I need to think about whenever I am feeling down about those flaws that I have.  Nobody, and I mean, nobody is perfect, but with God we can be perfected since we are His creations.  He does indeed love us in spite of our flaws.

Faith, Family, and Fan Fiction?

Lately what I have doing is keeping busy, except for a few instances.  I want to know about infidelity. However, I don't want to waste my time because of my "curiosity".  It is about knowing fact from fiction.  Maybe writing fan fiction would help me.  Maybe not.  I find fan fiction interesting yet it seems so..I don't know.  But who am I?  I never wrote any fan fiction before.  Even if I did, would this help me with my thoughts?  Would this make my thoughts worse?  Would they help me to differentiate between what is real and what isn't in my head?  That is the problem I have.  I learn to appreciate a lot of things more such as the value of faithfulness and value of communication.  I get that I am not married, but if I were, I would love to be faithful to my future husband and not be shy about telling him the truth about anything.  I have never been married but ironically these thoughts have not scared me from doing a search for a relationship and praying for a husband.  I have thought at times what it will be like to have both a husband and children and also make that a Christian one.  I have had thoughts about this and they have given me comfort.  They have lessened my curiosity and finally it has taught me that I need to be more prayerful and think on things that are true, pure, honest, just, lovely, and of a good report.  If only I had thought about this sooner.

Soap operas then and now

I just miss watching television these days.  In the age of a "lack of " online technology, good story lines and great acting was all that was needed it seems.  Okay, there has always been technology and there are a lot of behind the scenes people, but there is something that seems to be lacking today. I recall the ratings being so much higher back then.  They were in the double digits.  I wish they were in the double digits again.  I just watched "Edge of Night" and 1980's soaps.  Wow!  If only soaps today were this good.  There are good actors and good drama, but like I said, something is missing and it is hard to pinpoint. I wish I knew why things have changed today.