Disappointment with myself

Today is a day of disappointments.  I brought it on myself.  I am not happy with myself.  However I realize that it is a lesson.  I would like to go back ironically.  I wish sometimes that I would never join the program.  However, it would be foolish.  I want to lose weight.  I don't want to go back on my own.  I need to lose weight, but for me.  But have I not only been reminded, but also let the reasons for weight loss to actually sink in?  I know that if I sink it in then maybe just maybe I would do better.   I am not perfect, but I would like to succeed.  To move forward, I have to overcome looking at my disappointments and possible failures.  I am not anxious today, which is good, but I find losing weight has its discouraging moments, and this is one of them,.

Anxiety and lack of wisdom and counsel

Yesterday's post is quite revealing.  I have been overwhelmed by anxiety and going too fast.  What I mean is that I don't want to overcome things one at a time.  Right now, that has been an issue for a long time, and so has anxiety.  I have been dealing with those two issues and I don't want to deal with both issues more than one at a time.  I have been dealing and still am dealing with anxiety which is something that has been difficult.  I am worried that I will not last on this program and that I will stay anxious during the whole progress.  I have to take a long look at myself and I have come to realize that losing weight is and will always be a long journey.  I am reminded that there is One who will give me the support that I need and who will counsel and guide me in this endeavor.  I know that I am in need of others and that is another problem.  I have chosen to go at it alone which is another issue altogether.  This too is quite stressful.  Support and wise counsel are exactly what I need.

Who I want to be and who I saw

Today I am a bit sore.  It is also my last day of physical therapy.  I look forward to doing the exercises that has been given to me.  Right now, I might have to modify it.  I wasn't sure I was going to finish all of my sessions but I did.  I am so sore from the exercises and the weights that were put on me.  This isn't the first time that I completed a physical therapy session.  In fact, this was my second. Being there was far more of a motivation session that even the first.  I looked at myself in the mirror what I saw I didn't like.  I have to admit that.  I had no issue with the person looking back at me.  I did and still do have an issue with her appearance.  I saw a person who needed and wanted to lose weight.

This time I was going to do something about it.  I finally did.  Right now, while it hasn't been smooth sailing, I am actually learning to deal and actually dealing with the issues that I have.  I could have chosen to go to Weight Watchers meetings.  I lost weight so far so I must be doing something right.  That is what I need to focus on.  A lady gave me some fantastic advice.  This has become my motto: direction not perfection.  I am new to this third time I joined Weight Watchers and one of the reasons for past failures and frustrations was that I was overwhelmed.

I have to deal with being overwhelmed.  For years I was stressed out and I do now wonder how much of a toll stress has taken on me.  I realize that the direction I am going and have to continue going, is forward or northward. My goal was for the perfect day or the perfect weight. The truth is I had no set goal.  The good news is now I do.  There are things that would go a long way into losing weight and a set goal is a large one.  As a person who has a "perfectionist" personality, I began to give up on myself.  I finally realized that the answer to consistency in losing weight is to not only persevere but to expect and embrace the positives of this journey.  I love this going the long way as if I were a tortoise.  I now see the big picture by taking a few small steps.

Celia Cruz

 "La Negra Tiene Tumbao"

 "Oye Como Va"

 "Quimbara"

May the lady rest in peace...

Azucar!

Congratulations on a few of these Grammy 2015 Nominees...

 "Royals" by Lorde

 "Fancy" by Iggy Azalea

 "Shake if Off" by Taylor Swift

 "Happy" by Pharrell Williams

Contemporary Instrumental Album

"Wild Heart," Mindi Abair

"Slam Dunk," Gerald Albright

"Nathan East," Nathan East

"Jazz Funk Soul," Jeff Lorber, Chuck Loeb, Everette Harp

"Bass & Mandolin," Chris Thile & Edgar Meyer

Rock Performance

"Gimme Something Good," Ryan Adams

"Do I Wanna Know?" Arctic Monkeys

"Blue Moon," Beck

"Fever," The Black Keys

"Lazaretto," Jack White

"Down with the clown" by the ICP

This song takes me back  to a time when wrestling was my favorite athletic event.  I still watch but not like I once did.  I have no idea why except for the fact that maybe I grew out of it.  I got tired of the tastelessness within the product.  My love for wrestling has increased.  In fact, I am watching Daniel Bryan giving a promo just recently.  He has become a big name in the wrestling business. He is quite a talented performer with his own catchphrase.  I can still watch but sadly the love is no longer there what was and that makes me sad.

Happy New Year 2015...Officially

I would like to wish everyone a Happy New Year.  Like every other year, 2014 had its up and downs. I have embraced crushes and birthdays.  I realized a lot of things this year.  I also realize(d) that I can do something about things.  I have a New Years resolution and that is to lose weight and keep it off. I am and will continue to do that.