I wish to break the cycle of OCD

This morning I was nervous every time I was tempted to do some checking.  It is like an addiction. Checking is like my next fix.  I am here to say that it is fiction and I get too caught up in fiction.  I guess it is because I live in a fantasy world.  I prefer to stay in reality, yet reality is quite cruel at times.  I guess because I am sheltered I live in a fantasy world.  But should I live in a fantasy world now that I am 40?  I think that there have been more possibilities at 40 than there were when I was younger.  I believe that despite the fact that I am still young, I am all grown up.  I believe that is what being 40 is all about.  It is much harder to overcome obsessions and compulsions especially because it has been a while since I have done the same thing for years now.  For many years, the OCD has been acting up and I hope that it doesn't act up again.  It has been rough, but now I have the opportunity to break the cycle of OCD, and I am going to take it.

Embracing

I have embraced aging, crushes, and the fact that I need help.  I am still apprehensive about having more obsessive thoughts arriving so suddenly.  I just wish that I could stop it.  Okay, so I had a crush on Mickey Rourke, especially the younger Mickey Rourke.  Now I have a crush on Sly Stallone and his son, Sage.  It seems rather strange since Sage has died 2 years ago.  I wish I had gotten to know Sage and to meet him.  I think that sometimes I am odd and that I need to embrace that.  If I can embrace that, then why can't I embrace the fact that I need to realize that I have a disorder that I can manage, but I want to do more than manage.  I want to confront my fears and be anxious.  I will have to do what is hard and that is what I just mentioned.  Doing what is hard is what helped me before.  I think it can help me again.

Embracing my age

I know that I wrote in many of my recent journals about being the big 40.  However, I feel great so far.  I guess it is because of a birthday I just had recently.  I just could pinch myself because living another decade is a great thing.  The thing is, I don't feel like a "middle aged" woman.  As a matter of fact, I feel like a young woman who has possibilities because I am all grown up.  I am not a child and I am not old.  Oh well, I guess I am middle aged after all.  For the first time, I embrace middle age and that is okay.

Faith, Hope, and Love

"Faith, Hope, and Love" in Japanese

 "Faith, Hope, and Love" in English

 

 Spanish

 French

 Hebrew

 English version sung by Beckah Shae

 Spanish version 

1 Corinthians 13:13

Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.

Handel Messiah-Hallelujah!

Thank You, Lord Jesus!

Being 40

I am still not getting over being 40.  I could pinch myself.  I feel like, I don't know, that I am reborn. I guess that is what being 40 is all about.  I have become wiser now than ever before.  I am doing well today. I just came back from the store and I am still young.  It sounds crazy but I am still young and in my 30s.  Like that I need to let things sink in.

I am 40

I am still trying to get over the shock.  I am a 40 year old woman.  I am doing better now.  I have had a stressful moment or two but turning 40 I believe has changed all that.  I am doing so much better than I had even in my 20s and 30s.  Okay okay, I have been 40 in the past two days but I have been having a midlife crisis for years now.  I now don't have this early midlife crisis anymore.