I love the 80s.

There are days when I knew what to write.  This was not one of those days.  I am very happy right now.  I have learned quite a bit about pro-wrestling and how cool it was back then.  The 80s seemed like a simple time.  I was just an inquisitive kid who loved using the computer, played outside, and watched wrestling.  I was considered a smart kid and a good student.  I just miss those days where despite the lack of modern technology, life was just great.  One doesn't have to have much technology to have a full life..lol.  When I was growing up, cable was young, people didn't know what an internet, and as it seems, tv shows seemed more watchable no matter how cheesy the shows seemed nowadays.  Sure it was a good show back then.  Now I realize that these shows weren't bad at all. I miss watching shows like "Knight Rider", "Dukes of Hazzard" and the "Fall Guy".  In the 80s, Sly Stallone was a young guy who was a boxer one minute and a former soldier the next.  Okay, okay. While I like "Rambo", I was, and always have been a "Rocky" fan.  Mr. T was the man and the "A-Team" was one of the most highly rated shows and one of the best, on tv.  I just miss those days. Michael was moonwalking, and Whitney was the young woman who could sing her heart out. Madonna was the original Britney Spears and Rihanna, but more controversial in her day.  I know, I know, she still performs, but Madonna in the 80s was awesome.  I also remember when "Fat Albert", "Looney Toons", and sometimes pro-wrestling all aired on Saturdays.  No matter what was going on that day, to me, life was good.

Fight the power

What a lovely photo of a lovely young woman.  The picture explains it all.   Let us get together since I believe that most of those who "rule" over us do not care about us.  The only ones that are benefiting are them and mostly them.  Let us all "fight the powers" that be.

 "Fight the Power" by Public Enemy

"Hit Me Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears

Oh, baby, baby
Oh, baby, baby

Oh, baby, baby, how was I supposed to know
That something wasn't right here
Oh, baby, baby, I shouldn't have let you go
And now you're out of sight, yeah

Show me how you want it to be
Tell me, baby, 'cause I need to know now what we've got

My loneliness is killin' me
(And I)
I must confess I still believe
(Still believe)
When I'm not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign
Hit me, baby, one more time

Oh, baby, baby, the reason I breathe is you
Boy, you've got me blinded
Oh, pretty baby, there's nothin' that I wouldn't do
It's not the way I planned it

Show me how you want it to be
Tell me, baby, 'cause I need to know now what we've got

My loneliness is killing' me
(And I)
I must confess I still believe
(Still believe)
When I'm not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign
Hit me, baby, one more time

Oh Eh
Eh Yeah

Oh, baby, baby, how was I supposed to know
Oh, pretty baby, I shouldn't have let you go

I must confess that my loneliness
Is killing me now
Don't you know I still believe
That you will be here and give me a sign
Hit me, baby, one more time

My loneliness is killin' me
(And I)
I must confess I still believe
(Still believe)
When I'm not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign
Hit me, baby, one more time

(I must confess)
My loneliness is killin' me
(That my loneliness is killing me now)
I must confess I still believe
(Don't you know I still believe)

When I'm not with you I lose my mind
(That you will be here)
Give me a sign
Hit me, baby, one more time

"The Beautiful Ones" by Mariah Carey ft.Dru Hill

Listen, baby, baby, baby
What's it gonna be?
Oh baby, baby, baby
Is it him or is it me?
Don't make me waste my time
Don't make me lose my mind baby
Baby, baby, baby
Can't you stay with me tonight?
Oh baby, baby, baby come home
Don't my kisses please you right?
You were so hard to find
The beautiful one they hurt you every time
Ya take a perfect picture, baby
And bring to life a vision in someone's mind
(Still the beautiful one's)
(The beautiful one's)
Ya always smash the picture
Ya always, baby
Every time, check it out
[Incomprehensible]
If I told you baby
That I was in love with you
Oh baby, baby, baby
If we got married, would that be cool?
You make me so confused
The beautiful one's you always seem to lose

Time for change

I have been thinking about it a lot.  I have yet to make a lasting change.  It is time to do so.

The ups and down on the scale

I usually write about my life but not in this much detail about my weight, I think.  Anyways, there is nothing like being frustrated about one's weight going up and down.  I can go down 10 lbs. and gain most if not all of the weight back.  By the way, that has happened before.  As a matter of fact, I wonder if that is taking its toll on my physical health.  I also wonder if it is taking time on my mental and psychological help.  It has.  There are times when I am frustrated.  There are times when I feel defeated and give up.  I eat much and fail to even try to lose weight.  This should be a time when I can examine why this done happen.  I know of two reasons as I write this: poor eating habits and lack of exercise.  As a woman with polycystic ovarian syndrome, losing weight is hard.  At my age, I believe that it would be even harder, but not impossible.  I am not in my 20s and 30s anymore, so I cannot eat just about anything I want and lose weight.  A teenager to about 39 can lose weight quicker with a greater amount of ease than a young woman in her 40s.  That is just a part of aging I guess.  My mindset has changed somewhat.  I realized that it is not too late to lose weight.  In fact, no age is too late to make a change.  I do have a condition but I still make small changes in my life and that is what I will continue to do.  Like the pic above, help is a very good picture of what I have and am going through.  However, I realize that it doesn't have to be that way.

Getting all made up

Today, I am feeling pretty like these ladies below.  There is nothing like dressing up and making oneself up.  I feel more confident and like a different person with a little change.  I changed my hair and I am learning about taking care of my weight.  In fact I lost four pounds this past week. Therefore, I feel great.  I wonder if any of those ladies feel as great as I do whenever they doll themselves up.  Sure they look to be modeling photos but still..

"Are You That Somebody" by Aaliyah (RIP)

[Timbaland:]
Dirty South (uh-huh)
Can you all really feel me (feel us)
East coast feel me (feel us)
West coast feel me
Dirty south (say what)
Can you all really feel me (huh)
East coast feel me (baby girl)
West coast feel me (huh uh)
Dirty south (yeah)
Can you all really feel me (say what)
East coast feel me (feel us)
West coast feel me (feel us)
Dirty south (dirty dirty)
Can you all really feel me (yeah)
East coast feel me (baby girl)
West coast feel me (ha)

Boy,
I've been watching you
Like the hawk in the sky
That flies, but
You are my prey (my prey)
Boy, I promise you
If we keep bumpin' heads
I know that one of these days (days)
We gone hook it up
Probably talk on the phone
But see I don't know if that's good
I've been holding back
This secret from you
Probably shouldn't tell it but if I

[Chorus:]
If I let you know
You can't tell nobody
I'm talking bout nobody
Are you responsible?
Boy I gotta watch my back
'Cause I'm not just anybody
Is it my go, is it your go
Sometimes I'm goody goody
Right now I'm naughty naughty
Say yes or say no
'Cause I really need somebody
Tell me are you that somebody

Boy,
Won't you pick me up at the park right now
Up the block while everyone
Sleep, Sleep, Sleep
I'll be waiting there
With my trench, my locs, my hat
Just so I'm low key
If you tell the world
Don't speak, you know that would be weak
Oh Boy,
See I'm trusting you
With my heart, my soul
I probably shouldn't let you, but...

[Chorus:]
If I let this go
You can't tell nobody
I'm talking bout nobody
I hope you're responsible
Boy I gotta watch my back
'Cause I'm not just anybody
Is it my go, is it your go
Sometimes I'm goody goody
Right now I'm naughty naughty
Say yes or say no
'Cause I really need somebody (uh)
Tell me are you that somebody (uh)

[Timbaland:]
Baby girl
I'm the man from the big Va
Won't you come play round my way
And listen to what I gotta say
Timbaland
Don't you know I am the man
Rock shows from Virginia to Japan (what)
Have people shaking shaking my hand (what)
Baby girl
Better known as Aaliyah
Give me goosebumps and high fevers
Making playahaters to believers
Don't you know
Gotta tell somebody 'cause...
'Cause I really need somebody (Uh huh)
Tell me are you that somebody! (Say What!)

[Chorus:]
If I let this go
You can't tell nobody
I'm talking bout nobody
Are you responsible?
Boy I gotta watch my back
'Cause I'm not just anybody
Is it my go, is it your go
Sometimes I'm goody goody
Right now I'm naughty naughty
Say yes or say no
'Cause I really need somebody
Tell me are you that somebody

[Pause]

You can't tell nobody
I'm talking bout nobody
I hope you're responsible
Boy I gotta watch my back
I'm not just anybody
Is it my go, is it your go
Sometimes I'm goody goody
Right now I'm naughty naughty
Say yes or say no
'Cause I really need somebody
Tell me are you that somebody

[Pause]

Is it my go, is it your go
Sometimes I'm goody goody
Right now I'm naughty naughty

[Pause]

'Cause I really need somebody
Tell me are you that somebody

[Pause]

You can't tell nobody
I'm talking bout nobody

Support ourselves as black people...

Let us not support one another with just money but with all things.  We have come through too much to go back.  I know that we had black-owned businesses in the past.  With knowledge comes power.  With dollars streamed into our communities, there is also much power.  Let us as black people pool our resources, for which we have many, together.  I believe that all of us as black people should research and buy from and thus support our own business.   Let us as black people actually become a real community financially and otherwise.

Prayers for health

All I could do is to take action.  Wow.  Why didn't I think of that?

Anyways, I wrote my prayer about Lamar Odom.  I have prayed for others to be healed but it seems like my prayers go unanswered.  What is wrong with me?  Is it my lack of faith?  Did I say the wrong words?  Sometimes I say or at least think that I sing the wrong words.  I prayed for quite a few people only for their conditions to worsen.  One of those people is my cousin.  He was only in his 40s when he died.  He too was diabetic and his condition worsened.  I am finally learning the lessons his untimely death taught me.  It has taught me to take care of myself.  It has taught me to take charge of my health.  I wish he were healed as all of those who I prayed about.  I feel like maybe I didn't pray enough.  This is one of those moments where I definitely have questions for God.  I have questions for the Lord and I admit that I should ask this.  I believe that it is okay for us to ask questions.  We as humans don't know everything.  I believe that it could answer the question as to why God allows us humans to suffer.

Do not give up

For the past few days, I have given up on myself and I have given up on my quest to lose weight. Strangely enough, that I why I am here to write that I just couldn't take it anymore.  I have been frustrated for such a long time.  The truth is, my heart was probably not into it.  What is scary is that it never was, but I don't think it is true.  I have had periods where I had to question myself.  I just feel so alone in this one.  I would like to go back and change quite a few things.  I could pinch myself sometimes.  I realize that hard work and struggle are things that I don't do very well, so giving up seemed so easy.  In the past few days I ate a lot, and stopped taking my medication.  I exist, but felt as if I didn't exist.  There was a part of me that is surprised that I was so cognizant during that period. I didn't hate myself but I didn't like myself either.  I prayed about it last night because I have grown tired.  The answer was due to a miracle.  God loves me and despite my flaws, I have no need to feel bad about myself.  Giving up is the worst thing I could do.

Prayer:
God, teach me to deal with frustration and may I not quit.  Help me to grow from this experience.  I thank You from the bottom of my heart.  Sadly those thanks are not enough for all that has happened. I am more than motivated than ever to be healthy.  I realize that though I have learned a lot, there were things that I have not known until last night.  Thank You for the wisdom that You have given me.  Thank You for Your love, guidance, and peace of mind.  I am appreciative of all of those things and then some.  Thank You.  In Jesus' name,  Amen.

"Bang Bang" by Jessie J, Ariana Grande, and Nicki MInaj

She got a body like an hourglass
But I can give it to you all the time
She got a booty like a Cadillac
But I can send you into overdrive oh
You've been waiting for that
Stop, hold up, swing your bat
See anybody could be bad to you,
You need a good girl to blow your mind, yeah

Bang bang into the room (I know you want it)
Bang bang all over you (I'll let you have it)
Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)
Wait a minute 'til ya (ah)
Bang bang there goes your heart (I know you want it)
Back, back seat of my car (I'll let you have it)
Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)
Wait a minute 'til ya (ah)

She might have let you hold her hand in school
But I'mma show you how to graduate
No, I don't need to hear you talk the talk
Just come and show me what your Momma gave (Oh yeah)
You've got a very big shh
Mouth but don't say a thing
See anybody could be good to you,
You need a bad girl to blow your mind

Bang bang into the room (I know you want it)
Bang bang all over you (I'll let you have it)
Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)
Wait a minute 'til ya (ah)
Bang bang there goes your heart (I know you want it)
Back, back seat of my car (I'll let you have it)
Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)
Wait a minute 'til ya (ah) (you know what girls? Let me show you how to do)

It's Myx Moscato, it's frizz in a bottle
It's Nicki full throttle, it's oh, oh
Swimming in the grotto, we winning in the lotto
We dipping in the pot of blue foam, so
Kitten so good, it's dripping on wood
Get a ride in the engine that could, go
Batman robbin' it, bang, bang, cockin' it
Queen Nicki dominant, prominent
It's me, Jessie, and Ari
If they test me they sorry
Ride us up like a Harley, then pull off in this Ferrari
If he hanging we banging
Phone ranging, he slanging
It ain't karaoke night but get the mic 'cause I'm singing

B to the A to the N to the G to the uh
B to the A to the N to the G to the hey

See anybody could be good to you,
You need a bad girl to blow your mind, your mind (okay)

Bang bang into the room (I know you want it)
Bang bang all over you (I'll let you have it)
Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)
Wait a minute 'til ya (ah)
Bang bang there goes your heart (I know you want it)
Back, back seat of my car (I'll let you have it)
Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)
Wait a minute 'til ya (ah)

Bang bang into the room (I know you want it)
Bang bang all over you (I'll let you have it)

Yo, I said
Bang, bang
Bang, bang, bang, bang
Bang, bang, bang
Bang, bang, bang, bang

Bang bang there goes your heart (I know you want it)
Back, back seat of my car (I'll let you have it)
Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)
Wait a minute 'till ya (ah)

"My Redeemer" by Nicole Mullen

Who taught the sun
Where to stand in the morning
And who taught the ocean
You can only come this far
And who showed the moon
Where to hide till evening
Whose words alone can
Catch a falling star

Well I know my Redeemer lives
I know my Redeemer lives
All of creation testifies
This life within me cries
I know my Redeemer lives
Yeah

The very same God
That spins things in orbit
Runs to the weary
The worn and the weak
And the same gentle hands
That hold me when I'm broken
They conquer death to bring me victory

Now I know my Redeemer lives
I know my Redeemer lives
Let all creation testify
Let this life within me cry
I know my Redeemer

He lives to take away my shame
And He lives forever I'll proclaim
That the payment for my sin
Was the precious life He gave
But now He's alive and there's an empty grave

And I know my Redeemer, He lives
I know my Redeemer lives
Let all creation testify
Let this life within me cry

I know my Redeemer
I know my Redeemer lives
I know my Redeemer lives
I know that, I know that, I know that, I know that, I know
I know my Redeemer lives
(Because He lives I can face tomorrow)
He lives, I know, I know, I know.
He lives
(I spoke with Him this morning.)

He lives.
(The tomb is empty)
He lives.
(I'm gotta tell everybody)

Yes, God is real.

Yes, there is a God and He is real.  I wrote a prayer about one of my major thoughts and that is lying. I have told lies and all colors of lies is wrong.  I am hypocritical and self righteous, but I believe that God forgives all sin, including those who don't believe or doubt.  Having doubt is something that keeps one from having answered prayer for those who have doubts are "unstable in all of their ways". I am one who did not expect for their prayers to be answered.  I have created this video thinking that I could reach those who are atheists or agnostics, but if one is called, that very one is to live holy.  I admit that I have not always acted holy.  I have been hypocritical and I am sorry.  Like those who don't believe, I will be judged for how I have lived and who I am in terms of being a believer or an unbeliever who has not repented.  I believe that the Great Commission is about people who are to test themselves to see if we are truly of the faith telling others and preaching the gospel to all of the world.  I have failed.  I have struggled with sins for most of my life, even in my walk with God.  I am sorry for my hypocrisy and my self-righteousness. How can I create videos when I have my own issues?  I have not always been repentant.  I cannot claim to be a true Christian and reach out to those who don't believe or have doubts.  I cannot pass out tracts or proclaim the gospel if I have issues or if I have not truly repented of my sins. Also I cannot claim to be a true Christian if I don't bear the fruits that Christians are supposed to possess.  I now wish I had written this earlier.  I have no excuse.  None of us will have an excuse come Judgment Day whether or not it is the Judgment Seat or the Great White Throne.  All who are unrepentant will enter the Great White Throne of Judgment, and that will include those in the church who have not been holy, obedient, or repented or who are truly saved, or atheists or thieves or rapists or murderers.  Yes, God is real.  

Today was a good day.

I wrote this very blog entry about the perfect day.  The truth is, my day has been good, but not perfect.  It has been a good day, the best I have had in a long time.  I am moving a muscle and that is all that matters.  I am productive and I feel useful.  Today was a good day.

Perfect day

What would be the perfect day?  To me a perfect day is a day where all of my goals were met.  My goals are to lose 5-10 pounds a month through actually following a healthy meal plan where I am actually eating the healthy food that I have actually purchased and to exercise daily, even if I were to exercise for at least 5 minutes.  Another perfect day would be a prayerful day.  God is my Father and my Judge.  He is not my co-pilot.  He is my pilot.  I am to obey, serve, fear, and revere Him.  Reading the Bible should not be a chore. I am to read His word so that I can follow and obey His Word daily. I would be a person whose goal of not being so neglectful of the needs of others and of where I am would be met.  In other words, a perfect day is a day where I would learn to be more appreciative, more grateful, and more loving.  I would be more honest and I wouldn't complain as much.  I could also take better care of myself and my house.  I could also take pride in myself and all that is about me.  I would actually take some action over time and not quit when I get bored or when things get bad.  I would be patient and more loyal. When someone else, human, dog, or cat is in need, I would not hesitate to help them.  I would do more than just follow Jesus as an example, which is true, I would live the way Jesus says I should live.  No matter what comes my way, I won't stop fighting but to assert myself because this is a winnable fight.  That would be my definition of a perfect day.

At 40

To be honest, I am full of hate.  I hate my life.  Life sucks.  I thought that life begins at 40.  What happened?

"Ain't Nobody" by Debra Killings

Somebody told me all of your goodness

It sure sounded good to me

Now I was thinking if I could try it

Just a little bit to see

Now through every temptation

You were on my side ya help me

See the way, didn't try to confuse me

Only to use me 'cause you had

Something to say now

Ain't nobody gonna stop me now

I'm gonna keep hope and let the light shine

'Cause everyday you keep telling me

I'm your child

Now through all of the crying

And all of the sighing

Ya never let me down

Or if I would stumble I'll make a crumble

Ya kept me safe and sound

Now I'm so grateful you stepped right on in

Said child I'll lead the way

Only sent to spread love maybe

To get some love each and everyday, oh but now

Ain't nobody gonna stop me now

I'm gonna keep hope and let the light shine

'Cause everyday you keep telling me

I'm your child

Ain't nobody gonna stop me now

I'm gonna keep hope and let the light shine

'Cause everyday you keep telling me

I'm your child

Yeah, hey, hey, hey, yeah

Hey, ah, ah, ah, ooh

Ain't nobody, yeah

Ain't nobody gonna stop me now

I'm gonna keep hope and let the light shine

'Cause everyday you keep telling me

I'm your child

Ain't nobody gonna stop me now

I'm gonna keep hope and let the light shine

'Cause everyday you keep telling me

I'm your child

Ain't nobody gonna stop me now

I'm gonna keep hope and let the light shine

'Cause everyday you keep telling me

I'm your child