God's timing is everything

I have been feeling down lately.  I believe that it is because of my lack of patience.  I tried to be strong but now I wonder if I were lying to myself.  I was praying for a miracle and I didn't get that miracle.  Every time I feel like things were going down, something happens.  What just so happens is that whenever I pray that prayer for a miracle, a song that plays in my head reminds me that God will arrive on time.  The song is even playing in my mind now.  In those times, I realize that scripture, prayer, and song will be the tools to strengthen my faith.  According to the song, God doesn't on our time.  We operate on his time.  I now realize that that is something that I something I need to remember.  A day is as a thousand years and a thousand years is as a day.  I do believe that sometimes it speaks of God whenever we pray or do something else.  That is what time means to God, who is the Diety of the Universe.  His time is rather hard to understand, but upon close inspection, we will not have to worry, for He knows what to do and how to do things.  I also realize that praise is something else I need to be doing.  Praise goes up, while blessing come down.

Psalm 111

Praise the Lord.
I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart, in the company of the upright, in the congregation.
Great are the works of the Lord, studied by all who have pleasure in them.
Full of honor and majesty is his work, and his righteousness endures for ever.
He has caused his wonderful works to be remembered; the Lord is gracious and merciful.
He provides food for those who fear him; he is ever mindful of his covenant.
He has shown his people the power of his works, in giving them the heritage of the nations.
The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy,
they are established for ever and ever, to be performed with faithfulness and uprightness.
He sent redemption to his people; he has commanded his covenant for ever. Holy and terrible is his name!
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom;
a good understanding have all those who practice it. His praise endures for ever!

A change in me

I realize that something was wrong with me.  I was down and depressed lately.  That is or was why I lost the desire to lose weight and get healthy.  I never weighed the options.  As a matter of fact, I know I need to lose weight.  I was truthfully not in denial about my weight.  However, I am a person who is not healthy.  These past few days have taught me much about my health and myself.  I need to have that desire back.  I am depressed and therefore I began to grow tired.  There is nothing like change and being a changed person.  I have been fixated on my weight for many years.  I have also been self-conscious and I know I need to change.  I tire and continue to tire.  I have come to realize that it is only the beginning.  I don't want for the pain in my feet to worsen.  I don't want my diabetes symptoms to worsen.  I need to know that all things are possible and I am confident that I can change.

I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman by Britney Spears

I used to think
I had the answers to everything,
But now I know
Life doesn't always go my way, yeah...
Feels like I'm caught in the middle
That's when I realize...

[Chorus:]
I'm not a girl,
Not yet a woman.
All I need is time,
A moment that is mine,
While I'm in between.

[Verse 2]
I'm not a girl,
There is no need to protect me.
It's time that I
Learn to face up to this on my own.
I've seen so much more than you know now,
So don't tell me to shut my eyes.

[Chorus]

I'm not a girl,
But if you look at me closely,
You will see it in my eyes.
This girl will always find
Her way.

I'm not a girl
(I'm not a girl don't tell me what to believe).
Not Yet a woman
(I'm just trying to find the woman in me, yeah).
All I need is time (All I need),
A moment that is mine (That is mine),
While I'm in between.

I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman (not now)
All I need is time (All I need),
A moment that is mine,
While I'm in between.

I'm not a girl,
Not yet a woman.

The world of insanity, yet I am normal

I'm not crazy its the rest of the world that's insane.  There are times when I feel like that.  I wonder if that is how it will be once the verdict in Ferguson is read.  What will happen?  Will it go mad?  Will life ever return to normal?  In the grand scheme of things, life goes on and there may be another Ferguson.  Scary, isn't it?

Right now, I am finally watching one thing while watching the grand jury verdict.  The thing is IMO, the verdict could go either way.  Who knows?  To say that I don't care would be harsh.  I do care.  I do feel.  Right now, I am just in my own little zone.  But man, Sly Stallone was fine in Rocky IV.

Sorry I had to interject, but being bipolar sometimes I wonder if I am really normal.  Moods change all of the time, but I do wonder that mine can change from one mood to the next and one personality to the next.  I sometimes feel happy one minute, sad the next minute, and also feel nothing for a while.  Man, Sly Stallone was fine driving, reflecting on his life as Rocky Balboa.

Sometimes it is good to live in an insane world.  It is me that is normal.  I guess that is what is means to live in a crazy world.

Modern Music, Aaliyah (RIP), and being 40

Lately I have been listening to various artists from the 90s.  While I was a child of the 80s, I will not neglect listening to music of the 90s.  To me, the movies were better in the 80s and the music was just as good in the 90s.  I think that as a 40 year old woman who has embraced her age, I can wax nostalgic about what to listen to.  I know of some of today's artist like Ariana Grande, Iggy, Nicki Minaj, and Drake.  However, I prefer to listen to stuff that may be actually be older than they are.

Last weekend I was watching the controversial Aaliyah (RIP) movie.  It wasn't a disgraceful film or an insult to her like so many others thought, but it is a rather boring movie that I would not recommend.  If I were a critic, I would not rate it very high.  The acting was good, but that is it.  I am not sure if the makers of this TV movie should be ashamed, but the film could have been better.  I doesn't help that her family did not approve of the film.  It doesn't help that many of the actors look nothing like the people they portray.  However, for people younger than 12, I do recommend her music and her movies.  My favorite song from her is "If Your Girl Only Knew". What is so tragic is that she died so young and had so much to offer.  I am almost twice her age and I wonder now what could have been.

I am blessed to be at the age I am.  I am young, but all grown up, if that makes sense.  I do wonder however if life truly begins at my age.  Ironically we live in a society where life supposedly begins at 40 while some don't have a clue that life begins at conception.  Sometimes I wonder about the ironies of life.  I know that I am changing the subject, but the world seems to have changed and still change, for better or worse.  I guess that would include the musical landscape where things and the musical tastes of most of us seems to have changed.  I guess that I am not immune.

"Hadiyyah"

Hadiyya means a gift.  It is of Arabic origin; the song is Ethiopian of course.  I find Ethiopia a rather fascinating nation.  I wish I had known more.

"There's Hope" by India Arie

"There's Hope"

[Verse 1:]
Back when I had a little
I thought that I needed a lot
A little was over rated,
but a lot was a little too complicated
You see-Zero didn't satisfy me
A million didn't make me happy
That's when I learned a lesson
That it's all about your perception
Hey-are you a pauper or a superstar
So you act, so you feel, so you are
It ain't about the size of your car
It's about the size of the faith in your heart

[Chorus:]
There's hope
It doesn't cost a thing to smile
You don't have to pay to laugh
You better thank God for that
[repeat]

There's hope

[Verse 2:]
Off in the back country of Brazil
A met a young brother that made me feel
That I could accomplish anything.
You see just like me he wanted to sing
He had no windows and no doors
He lived a simple life and was extremely poor
On top of all of that he had no eye sight,
but that didn't keep him from seein' the light
He said, what's it like in the USA,
and all I did was complain
He said-livin' here is paradise
He taught me paradise is in your mind
You know that

[Chorus]

[Bridge:]
Every time I turn on the T.V. (There's Hope)
Somebody's acting crazy (There's Hope)
If you let it, it will drive you crazy (There's Hope)
but I'm takin' back my power today (There's Hope)
Gas prices they just keep on rising (There's Hope)
The government they keep on lying
but we gotta keep on surviving
Keep living our truth and do the best we can do

[Chorus]

Stand up for your rights [echo]
Keep shining your light [echo]
And show the world your smile [echo]

[Chorus]

India Arie and having peace of mind

I find myself listening to music and being spiritual.  I am thinking on what is peaceful and not what is temporary.  I have had obsessive thoughts about everything from television to infidelity.  I still have them and I am afraid.  I still have to learn to overcome the fears and doubts.  I do wish to stay in this moment, however.  Listening to artists such as India Arie give me peace and calm because the thoughts that I have thrive on an anxious mind.  I know that India Arie is not a gospel singer, but her music is so inspiration and so wholesome.  I can learn a lot from her lyrics.  There is hope and it doesn't cost a thing to smile.  Laughter is not expensive.  I have learned about peace and never taking life for granted.  Maybe I should smile more.

Eternal v Temporal

Yesterday's post was a great message about the difference between what is eternal versus what is temporary.  Revelation says that God will wipe every tear, meaning that there will be no more pain. That is something all believers, or rather, all should look for.  Sadly, the road is narrow which means that most people will not only be unbelievers, but will not truly live for and serve the Lord.  Many will have itching ears and be in denial true godliness.  There is a difference between being religious and being righteous.  That is something I realize that we all need to learn from.  With God there are no accidents.  He knows exactly what He is doing.  He isn't a God of hatred, strife, hypocrisy, or dishonest.  In fact He will punish the wicked, including those who are hateful, filled with strife, dishonest, and/or hypocrites.  That is a fact of life we all have to learn and that is not easy for those who take part in those sins.  Think and live for eternity in Heaven, for the world as we know it will pass away.

Being holy, acting holy, and thinking holy

I have to realize and know that eternity is forever.  Temporary is just that, temporary.  As cliched as this may sound, life is indeed too short.  It is only but a vapor.  It is here today, gone tomorrow.  That is quite a true message.  The point is, without holiness, none of us will be able to see the Lord.  The Word of God does day to be holy as the Lord is Himself holy.  I finally realize for myself that it means more than being set apart from the world.  It means to save one's soul by losing the whole world.  That means that what is in this world is no where near as important than what is of God. I realize and now know that that is something I have to remember, and follow.

Being thankful for the lessons I have learned today

God does have an idea of how thankful I am.  Today I realize that I needed to be more positive and more thankful in my prayers.  No matter what I was going through, clarity was something I needed. God opened up my eyes today and I am very thankful He did.  There are those times when I have some issue and God teaches me a lesson or two.  Today was one of those times.  My lessons for today are to not be selfish, count it all joy, and to read the Word daily.  Little miracles do indeed happen everyday, to quote Luther Vandross (RIP).

Trusting in God

Sometimes I see that things get worse before they get better.  It has been a fact for me.  I am not immune and never believed that.  I tell God how I feel and I believe that God listens.  I have the faith that God is an all-time God to quote Dottie Peoples.  Sometimes when things get worse, having faith is difficult.  I believe that is when God does his best work.  I admit that I take full responsibility for all of my issues.  I have these issues that I present to God and I ask God to help me to do what is hardest. As sacrilegious as this may sound, I have to trust him.  I sometimes wonder how I would make it through the day or any time of the year.  However, I always make it somehow. I praise the Lord.

 "Trust in God" by the Winans

 "Ain't No Need to Worry" by The Winans and Anita Baker

 "You Don't Have to be Afraid" by Take 6

 "Trust in Jesus" by Third Day

Hair and reading today

Today I am not so sure what to write about, but in reality I am just a sheltered young woman, so what do I know.  I sit at the computer most of the day and read up on things.  I just love to read.  I guess in a way reading makes me feel useful and productive.

Today was a good day but I am saddened that there is little to write about except about hair.  I realize that according to the hair typing system, I am a curly-coily, or having 3c hair. I wondered about the system.  Hair that is more coily is placed last in this system.  It is type 4 hair.  I also wonder if such a system would make a person would make them more self-conscious.  But no system, hair type or not perfect.

Boiled Fruitcake

This morning I had a dream about a boiled fruitcake.  I love baking fruitcakes as well as other creations.  I was wondering how to make a boiled fruitcake with some knowledge.  In other words, I just want to know what I am doing.  Christmas is my favorite time of the year and I don't want to waste any money with a screwed up recipe.  Last Christmas was one of the best ever.  I was satisfied and so was everyone else.

Here is a recipe for boiled fruitcake:

200 g sugar
225 ml water
30 g margarine
375 g mixed fruit
1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
275 g self raising flour
1 teaspoon mixed spice
1 egg
1 pinch salt

1
Place the sugar, water,margarine, bicarbonate of soda and dried fruit in a medium saucepan and slowly bring to the boil. As soon as it starts to boil, remove and leave to completely cool.
2
Add the well beaten egg, mixed spice, pinch of salt, and the flour; mix well.
3
Line a 9-inch cake tin. Cook at approximately 170°C for about an hour to an hour and a quarter.
4
To stop it drying out while cooling, it’s advisable to drape a clean tea towel over the cake after about half an hour.
5
NB - if you are in a hurry for the fruit to cool - place saucepan in some cold water in the sink, it will cool in under half the time.

Source:
http://www.food.com/recipe/fabulous-boiled-fruitcake-155227

" Say the Words" by DC Talk

(You gotta say it, you gotta say it)

Solomon once wrote:
"Better is open rebuke, than hidden love"
So say the words...

Silence is golden but these are the words
That the world needs to hear
(brothers and sisters)
Terms of compassion will cause a reaction
As love drives them near

But still we choose to hide behind the face of pride
Pretending we are blind to the calling
This is my point and case, if hate can be erased
With such a simple phrase, why are we stalling?

[chorus]
Say the words, say the words, say "I love you"
Say the words I long to hear
Say the words, say the words, say "I love you"
Say the words I long to hear

Ya gotta say it, ya gotta say it, say it
Ya gotta say it, ya gotta say it

Some just assume we already know
Of the love that they feel
(brothers and sisters)
Some have a heartfelt emotion
But never the words to reveal

I think we all relate, so why are we afraid
To let our hearts convey what we're feeling?
There is a world in need with hungry souls to feed
And love can intercede if we're willing, so...

[repeat chorus]

Ya gotta say it, ya gotta say it, say it
Ya gotta say it, ya gotta say it

(check this out)
The word love, well it was once overused
Back in the 70's the word was abused
But I refuse to let love be diluted
We can't allow physical lust to intrude it
Or pollute it cause there ain't no excuse
For the greatest gift of all to be abused
So choose to lose the pride that may tug at you
Don't be afraid of the words "I love you"

[repeat chorus]

Choose to lose the pride that may tug at you
Don't be afraid of the words "I love you"

Won't you say the words
Say the words
Say the words "I love you"
(You've got to say it)
Say the words
Say the words
Say them over and over
(Yeah, you've got to say it, say it)

Choose to lose the pride that may tug at you
Don't be afraid of the words "I love you"

Musing about having "nappy" hair...what is wrong with nappy hair

Thursday I wrote a musing about natural hair.  Why call it natural?  Why the "happy to be nappy" mantra?  What is wrong with the word nappy?  Nappy has become a slur for "bad hair" or tightly coiled hair.  I realize that it stems from the division in the black community.  "Good hair" is seen on those who are more "mixed" looking while those who look less "mixed" or rather more "African-looking" people have "bad hair".  It is so sad that that we have this.  What is wrong with a man or woman having tightly coiled hair?  Those are some questions that I wish I could ask others.  What is wrong with having nappy hair?  This issue pretty much fires me up.  Here are some pictures of women with tightly coiled hair:

Natural and happy

I would love to know what it will be like to have long curly hair.  It has been a long time.  It has been a long time coming.  For over 2 decades, my hair has been relaxed and my hair thickened up and itched.  It was time for me to relax my hair when that happened.  Today, I can say that I have no relaxers and hair colors and my hair, (as well as me) are very happy about that.  My hair isn't long by any stretch but I am surprised by how much I love my hair.  I finally don't take my hair for granted.  I actually pay attention to my hair and I love every inch of my hair and I love every curl.  Here are some pics of women who too seem to love their natural hair.

"I Know I've Been Changed" by LaShun Pace Rhodes

Chorus: 2x
I know I've been changed
I know I've been changed
I know I've been changed

Angels in Heaven done signed my name
Well if you don't believe that I've been redeemer
you know the (angels in Heaven done signed my name)
Oh follow me down to that old Jordan stream

Angels in Heaven done signed my name stepped in the water and the water was cold
you know the angels in Heaven done signed my name
oh it chilled my body but not my soul
Angels in Heaven done signed my name

Chorus: 2x
Spoken:Somebody said how can a brown cow eat green grass and give you white milk
well if you think that's something
God's chemical laboratory of redemption
took my black soul and dipped in red bloodand I came out white as snow

Angels in Heaven done signed my name
Angels in Heaven done signed my name

Positive qualities

I do have low self esteem, which is true. However, I don't take the time to be thankful or write positive things about myself.

These are my positive qualities.  I think I have many positive qualities.  I don't lack humility.  I think it is true.

1. Sincerity
2. Kindness
3. Wise
4. Intuitive
5. Caring
6. Loving
7. Intelligent
8. Fair-minded
9. Opinionated
10. Loyal
11. Earnest
12. Family-oriented
13. Unselfish
14. Prayerful
15. Affirmation oriented
16. Polite
17. Daydreamer
18. Versatile
19. Talented
20. Clean-cut

I believe that those are just a few good qualities that I share with most people.  I believe that I am a good person who doesn't always feel that way about myself.  I don't mean to be arrogant when I write this, but I do have this tendency to explain myself to others.  I do care about what others think and that is a negative quality that I have struggled to change.

Psalm 121

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

Psalm 46

God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging.
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
    the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall;
    God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
    he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.
8 Come and see what the Lord has done,
    the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease
    to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
    he burns the shields with fire.
10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”
11 The Lord Almighty is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our fortress.